So as far as I can discern from my limited use of the TV and newspapers in general, a footballer named John Terry had an affair with some not-too-bad looking girl a while ago, then the news-rags were embellishing facts as they usually do so all would read it, and printing all kinds of revelations about his affair to any gobshite who would read it. Big fucking whoop. We read the same shite every day. Always a death. Always an affair. Always a war. Why do we act so surprised that it happens? It'll never happen to us!A few months ago it was Tiger Woods, now this. Actually I'd say my info is a little out of date at the moment... but fuck it, my points are the same so I will continue.
I recently discovered or rather, noticed, that all of us guys work on the same level. We get girls. It's what we want. Some of us don't want to be with them, some do and inevitably some guys cheat. Some guys are comfortable. Some guys want love. This is nothing new. Cheryl Cole is now single because her footballer husband cheated. Women cannot believe she is single because she's "successful and good looking". Perhaps she is just a bitch? John Terry and his missus were up in arms because he cheated. Maybe he just realised he didn't like her? David Beckham and his wife...
Ah fuck it, you get my point. Problem is, the high profile celebrities are taking the flak for what is generally a relatively normal thing going on between human beings. We chop and change because we want certain things from certain people. Some people just go the wrong way about doing it. Some people lose sight and they just want the basics: Sex. Money. Attention. Recognition.
Men want sex and an easy life. It's so simple. Women want security and Love. Men want to find a partner they are compatible with so the moaning and groaning will be at minimum level (certain moaning and groaning) So they shop around. Women want security and love so they shack up with the guy. But they want a particular package with all the trimmings. Some women just want the security so they spill their stories of how guys shop around spinelessly and sell it to the papers for money. There are two sides to every story. Problem is, the guys they can't man up and just leave their previous relationship first, so they use excuses for wanting attention elsewhere and to a lesser extent, sex. They make the flaw in a normal process by not fixing their other situation first. No one can blame a girl for wanting security and love, so it's not a surprise that they inevitably forgive the guy's infidelity. The guy pays big for sleeping around and we pay big to read about it too. We sacrifice our perspective to buy a cheaper alternative that is ideal relationships. Why would that work? Ideal relationships sell papers. they sell movies and TV shows too. Thing is, we can accept that it's normal for a girl to want things from a relationship, so why is it not normal for a guy to want certain things? Have we not learned that this is an on-going trend? Hands up who believes.. who really really believes guys are changing? I will say one thing though, when a man finds his true love (or whatever you call it) he won't cheat. Up until that moment he most likely will. You can trust that guy that always calls, always is on time, never has excuses and really actually genuinely misses you and wants to be around you.
Are you maybe hiding your real intentions? You want to control his money? You want to control his life? You want to control his time? Do you smother him? You are not the one he wants. Deal with it. Move on. You cannot change a man from being a man. But if you are really honest from day 1, you will find a man that will treat you with the dignity and respect that at least deserves a clean break if it's just not working out. John Terry and Tiger Woods are not bad men, they just did things the wrong way. Fear of loneliness is the same for guys as it is for girls, we just have different ways of dealing with it depending on the level of respect we have for you.
It's likely I might be ostracised by guys who don't want to agree with this for fear of their women. It's likely that women will have a problem with this because of their Walt Disney view on relationships. But it's the truth. The real problem it seems, is the potential loneliness each has to face up to, knowing it's just not working.
And it's my rant, so just click away if you don't like it.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
What's on the Box?
Usually I don't watch TV. I don't watch it for many reasons.
I find soap operas are just over-dramatised, depressing, dank, drivel. They lack any kind of real story and just seem to fill in the blanks that most people have in life. You could walk down to the shop, call a friend, mow your lawn... or you could watch some grey-skinned frowning Londoner kiss a bag of treacle and then have his disgruntled wife yell at him for a good 15 minutes in an "epic" TV fight. I wouldn't be surprised if every fight in the world was boring before the "1,000,000 viewers, TV showdown" came along... then everyone decided to turn it into real-life by introducing their partner to it when they dropped a spoon down the side of the couch or forgot to buy the marmalade. So why watch soaps then ey? For inspiration? Or because you don't make your life exciting enough? If you wanna spaz out, just cheat on your significant other, close the blinds and turn off the light... then fight about it. A neighbour might film it for you to watch later or better still, you might entertain your street for a while if you invite everyone over. Go for it! At least you don't have to pay Sky for the privilege.
Then there's the news. Oh glory! The news! Because if Eastenders didn't depress you enough, you can always see what some poor bugger in India has to live off after his family were swept away by a typhoon. If you're particularly unlucky, you can catch similar stories not just on TV, but in the paper as well and if you can't keep away from Eastenders for 8 hours while you are at work, you can always read it's accompanying counterpart in the shape of red-logo newspapers. They always have similar, non-useful drivel inside their pages that begs the bored mind to read it and the bored mind does... and even pays for it! I honestly wouldn't even use 'em for toilet paper if I was stuck. But that's just me. I don't have high standards for newspapers, I just have average standards for what I call entertainment.
But the news, Oh the news! It throws itself at you whether you want it or not! "3 dead in wrestling stunt"! "Badger maims pensioner"! "Hair today, Bald tomorrow"! OH MY GOD!!! Isn't it tragic! and If that isn't tragic enough, try putting on Sky news! "Pensioner maimed by badger! Hear the full story" In HUUUGE white font and red banner (Surprise surprise) along the bottom. "This Thursday!!! Hear-say interview with Army colonel who once saw a badger run in front of his Jeep in the Lebanon". "I seen the badger run in front of the Jeep and immediately turned to first officer Perkins and said, Wow, isn't that huge? It must be a terror attack" - "On Friday, Gordon Brown seeks go-ahead through house of Lords for all out ban on Badgers" or something rubbish like that. Life is so boring that Sky news has to sensationalise everything. Then you go to work and your red-banner "news"-rag does too. When are you going to realise that life is not that crazy and sensational. But then that's why you watch the box, right?
You put on Sky sports and there's a PREMIER LEAGUE ADVERT ON! WOW! Wayne Rooney and John Terry and Dideir Drogba (these are currently the only footballers I can think of) running around kicking a ball while an angelic chorus rings out to their foot hitting leather with the guy in the background reminding you (in case you forgot) that these guys are heroes who killed... I mean, scored goals for their country, no better, their county in the previous match and that their rivalry with some other club is coming to the fore! Oh the drama! The agony! The ecstasy! Oops, my finger slipped.
I accidentally put on American Dad, The show that is like the twit brother of Family Guy. I watched through it and forgot it was a cartoon, it was so boring. I expected to turn around and see that my flat was animated it was so unfunny. I then put on Glee. I should have just got my cash together and went to The George. Actually that would be more entertaining for a straight guy... and that's saying something. Look, before you go off on one, how gay people find entertainment is different to how a straight person does to some extent, I was just trying to be Ironic, so don't get all PC on me. It's a joke. Take it.
Then there are those shows with constant crazy behaviour and where every single thing they say is supposed to be a pun. This gets really old really fast. Especially when it's poorly written which is usually the case. We lap it up. Alec Baldwin sure is crazy now, isn't he? What a team that he and Sesame Street puppets make!
C'mon!!!
See that's the problem. I don't watch TV very often and as a visitor to such things on the box every now and then I have to say it all just seems a bit ridiculous and overblown. But mostly it's under pressure to entertain us because we have no will to do things ourselves. TV is chewing gum for the eyes. It's lost it's perspicacity and it's usefulness as a tool for worthwhile purposes. TV bosses know that people turn to it because they don't want to use their brains to fill their time. We are just so mentally tired from work that we don't want to do anything. So they shovel badly written shows onto it and hope we don't notice it in order to entertain us. We don't notice and don't want to. It's funny when people talk about all the things they would like to do with their spare time and things the should have, but when you have a go at TV there's a million and one justifications for it's place of pride in your living room. It's not a living room, it's a time-wasting room. There's no life in it, there's just boredom. What did people do before TV? Where did they go? Inevitably the same place as we are going except we have done far less with our time.
Wait a minute. Discovery is interesting, isn't it? Watching some other person take initiative sure is amazing ey?
EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that I should point out that it's Broadcasts on TV that I'm talking about, not physical TV sets themselves.
Peace
I find soap operas are just over-dramatised, depressing, dank, drivel. They lack any kind of real story and just seem to fill in the blanks that most people have in life. You could walk down to the shop, call a friend, mow your lawn... or you could watch some grey-skinned frowning Londoner kiss a bag of treacle and then have his disgruntled wife yell at him for a good 15 minutes in an "epic" TV fight. I wouldn't be surprised if every fight in the world was boring before the "1,000,000 viewers, TV showdown" came along... then everyone decided to turn it into real-life by introducing their partner to it when they dropped a spoon down the side of the couch or forgot to buy the marmalade. So why watch soaps then ey? For inspiration? Or because you don't make your life exciting enough? If you wanna spaz out, just cheat on your significant other, close the blinds and turn off the light... then fight about it. A neighbour might film it for you to watch later or better still, you might entertain your street for a while if you invite everyone over. Go for it! At least you don't have to pay Sky for the privilege.
Then there's the news. Oh glory! The news! Because if Eastenders didn't depress you enough, you can always see what some poor bugger in India has to live off after his family were swept away by a typhoon. If you're particularly unlucky, you can catch similar stories not just on TV, but in the paper as well and if you can't keep away from Eastenders for 8 hours while you are at work, you can always read it's accompanying counterpart in the shape of red-logo newspapers. They always have similar, non-useful drivel inside their pages that begs the bored mind to read it and the bored mind does... and even pays for it! I honestly wouldn't even use 'em for toilet paper if I was stuck. But that's just me. I don't have high standards for newspapers, I just have average standards for what I call entertainment.
But the news, Oh the news! It throws itself at you whether you want it or not! "3 dead in wrestling stunt"! "Badger maims pensioner"! "Hair today, Bald tomorrow"! OH MY GOD!!! Isn't it tragic! and If that isn't tragic enough, try putting on Sky news! "Pensioner maimed by badger! Hear the full story" In HUUUGE white font and red banner (Surprise surprise) along the bottom. "This Thursday!!! Hear-say interview with Army colonel who once saw a badger run in front of his Jeep in the Lebanon". "I seen the badger run in front of the Jeep and immediately turned to first officer Perkins and said, Wow, isn't that huge? It must be a terror attack" - "On Friday, Gordon Brown seeks go-ahead through house of Lords for all out ban on Badgers" or something rubbish like that. Life is so boring that Sky news has to sensationalise everything. Then you go to work and your red-banner "news"-rag does too. When are you going to realise that life is not that crazy and sensational. But then that's why you watch the box, right?
You put on Sky sports and there's a PREMIER LEAGUE ADVERT ON! WOW! Wayne Rooney and John Terry and Dideir Drogba (these are currently the only footballers I can think of) running around kicking a ball while an angelic chorus rings out to their foot hitting leather with the guy in the background reminding you (in case you forgot) that these guys are heroes who killed... I mean, scored goals for their country, no better, their county in the previous match and that their rivalry with some other club is coming to the fore! Oh the drama! The agony! The ecstasy! Oops, my finger slipped.
I accidentally put on American Dad, The show that is like the twit brother of Family Guy. I watched through it and forgot it was a cartoon, it was so boring. I expected to turn around and see that my flat was animated it was so unfunny. I then put on Glee. I should have just got my cash together and went to The George. Actually that would be more entertaining for a straight guy... and that's saying something. Look, before you go off on one, how gay people find entertainment is different to how a straight person does to some extent, I was just trying to be Ironic, so don't get all PC on me. It's a joke. Take it.
Then there are those shows with constant crazy behaviour and where every single thing they say is supposed to be a pun. This gets really old really fast. Especially when it's poorly written which is usually the case. We lap it up. Alec Baldwin sure is crazy now, isn't he? What a team that he and Sesame Street puppets make!
C'mon!!!
See that's the problem. I don't watch TV very often and as a visitor to such things on the box every now and then I have to say it all just seems a bit ridiculous and overblown. But mostly it's under pressure to entertain us because we have no will to do things ourselves. TV is chewing gum for the eyes. It's lost it's perspicacity and it's usefulness as a tool for worthwhile purposes. TV bosses know that people turn to it because they don't want to use their brains to fill their time. We are just so mentally tired from work that we don't want to do anything. So they shovel badly written shows onto it and hope we don't notice it in order to entertain us. We don't notice and don't want to. It's funny when people talk about all the things they would like to do with their spare time and things the should have, but when you have a go at TV there's a million and one justifications for it's place of pride in your living room. It's not a living room, it's a time-wasting room. There's no life in it, there's just boredom. What did people do before TV? Where did they go? Inevitably the same place as we are going except we have done far less with our time.
Wait a minute. Discovery is interesting, isn't it? Watching some other person take initiative sure is amazing ey?
EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that I should point out that it's Broadcasts on TV that I'm talking about, not physical TV sets themselves.
Peace
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Consistancy of the Sand-Dog Part 1
Last week was positive writing week for me. It started off typically like every other week for me except I had one vision... That I would write something positive every single day. I wouldn't post anything too cynical and everyone could feel chirpy leaving my page. It's a simple goal with a nice prize at the end. Hell, I could even go away feeling good about it myself. I would feel like I helped others and helped myself without sacrificing a single shred of temporary happiness. Nobody would be hurt and we could all live a nice bountiful existence. I wrote a nice, optimistic post on Monday. Then a few days went blank. Then Roland's latest story went up. Then nothing.
Then I remembered it was my birthday on Sunday.
As ever, I wasn't looking forward to it so I didn't plan anything. Generally, nobody wants to go out for such occasions these days. I didn't want to have expectations either as expectations and I do not see eye to eye at all lately. Usually only my family and a few friends remember my birthday. I'm grateful they hold it in higher regard than I do. Thanks guys. However, this realization was not the crux of what I consider to be the turning point of "good will week". I was intentionally going to do something good for that week. I was going to be a better man about things. I was getting older after all and I'm all about progression. My birthday was to hold a new perspective on things. I would make it so. But I had forgotten - or rather, not cared - that it was so soon.
So what can a guy do when he wants to do something positive to mark an occasion? get a haircut? Buy new clothes? Try to help everyone but himself? OK, all are good answers, but I'm afraid nothing here is significant enough. My personal life is a little jumpy at the moment. This was my decision - I would try to fix it before going one step further. That's not just a good starting point... It's a damn good ending point too! I set about thinking what progress I had made as a person in my 29 years on this planet. I knew one thing that had worked well in my stead up until now and was only a recent thing... about 3-4 years in the making. I was going to be perfectly honest and frank about everything. This is what popped into my mind when I put pen to paper... without being too personal about it:
I have fallen back down to Earth. I have fallen because I set the bar too high and tried to reach it. Not by building a ladder of my own, but by climbing on top of those that were reaching as high as I. When I hit the ground it hurt really badly. I could not cushion the blow with anything. Truth be known, there was nothing to catch me. This fall was particularly bad as it was higher than I had climbed in a long time. I'm dusting off and starting again. This time I'm using a fucking ladder.
Growing older happens whether you want it to or not, whether you want to be involved in it or not. You must accept facts and tested theories as they present themselves to you. You must keep up with progress or get left behind. All theory arises from tested experiments, both practical and personal.
Your heart of hearts will tell you what is true or not. You are the only one that can translate what it says to you. Your friends, neighbours, family or loved ones cannot hear it. Your voice is it's voice. Your actions are it's actions. Speak clearly and concise and your heart will be known. Know your heart and do not fear it. It is you and you are it. You are the one who observes it.
Never say never to anything ever. If you must say never, say that you will never say never again. Try to obliterate the use of the words Can't, Never, Try, Won't, Couldn't and Shouldn't. they are impractical and are only used to make you feel worse about yourself. They are escapist words.
Some people try to make you feel worse about yourself so they can feel more significant. Protip: you were born. You are just as significant as they are whether you have money or not.
Never sell your happiness to anger. Anger is a bitch and generally, people who feel it are miserable. Watch them. Learn.
Guys are a strange bunch. We fit into two categories typically: the ones who are learning and the ones who are afraid to.
I have tried to drag many people down the same road that I walk upon. Some have offered to walk with me but usually end up turning back. There is no harm in that. They just want to know what it feels like for a while. Then they ask questions about it. They want to know if it's dark or bright. Here's the answer I want to tell everyone: It's always dark. You cannot see your hand in front of your face at the best of times. It's like every dark country road you set upon at night. Lonely, Isolated and a little bit scary. But when the sun comes up it's fucking beautiful.
EDIT: Imagine reading back on your posts only to find out the last two end with daytime being nice? Horror. Well actually, it was unintentional but I don't think I need to explain what each reference meant, so I'll grant you that small exception to the "no imagination" tag. But if you still find reason enough to think it's stupid to end two posts the same way (but with a different meaning) then message me and I'll explain it to you, then you can feel very very special!
Peace
Then I remembered it was my birthday on Sunday.
As ever, I wasn't looking forward to it so I didn't plan anything. Generally, nobody wants to go out for such occasions these days. I didn't want to have expectations either as expectations and I do not see eye to eye at all lately. Usually only my family and a few friends remember my birthday. I'm grateful they hold it in higher regard than I do. Thanks guys. However, this realization was not the crux of what I consider to be the turning point of "good will week". I was intentionally going to do something good for that week. I was going to be a better man about things. I was getting older after all and I'm all about progression. My birthday was to hold a new perspective on things. I would make it so. But I had forgotten - or rather, not cared - that it was so soon.
So what can a guy do when he wants to do something positive to mark an occasion? get a haircut? Buy new clothes? Try to help everyone but himself? OK, all are good answers, but I'm afraid nothing here is significant enough. My personal life is a little jumpy at the moment. This was my decision - I would try to fix it before going one step further. That's not just a good starting point... It's a damn good ending point too! I set about thinking what progress I had made as a person in my 29 years on this planet. I knew one thing that had worked well in my stead up until now and was only a recent thing... about 3-4 years in the making. I was going to be perfectly honest and frank about everything. This is what popped into my mind when I put pen to paper... without being too personal about it:
I have fallen back down to Earth. I have fallen because I set the bar too high and tried to reach it. Not by building a ladder of my own, but by climbing on top of those that were reaching as high as I. When I hit the ground it hurt really badly. I could not cushion the blow with anything. Truth be known, there was nothing to catch me. This fall was particularly bad as it was higher than I had climbed in a long time. I'm dusting off and starting again. This time I'm using a fucking ladder.
Growing older happens whether you want it to or not, whether you want to be involved in it or not. You must accept facts and tested theories as they present themselves to you. You must keep up with progress or get left behind. All theory arises from tested experiments, both practical and personal.
Your heart of hearts will tell you what is true or not. You are the only one that can translate what it says to you. Your friends, neighbours, family or loved ones cannot hear it. Your voice is it's voice. Your actions are it's actions. Speak clearly and concise and your heart will be known. Know your heart and do not fear it. It is you and you are it. You are the one who observes it.
Never say never to anything ever. If you must say never, say that you will never say never again. Try to obliterate the use of the words Can't, Never, Try, Won't, Couldn't and Shouldn't. they are impractical and are only used to make you feel worse about yourself. They are escapist words.
Some people try to make you feel worse about yourself so they can feel more significant. Protip: you were born. You are just as significant as they are whether you have money or not.
Never sell your happiness to anger. Anger is a bitch and generally, people who feel it are miserable. Watch them. Learn.
Guys are a strange bunch. We fit into two categories typically: the ones who are learning and the ones who are afraid to.
I have tried to drag many people down the same road that I walk upon. Some have offered to walk with me but usually end up turning back. There is no harm in that. They just want to know what it feels like for a while. Then they ask questions about it. They want to know if it's dark or bright. Here's the answer I want to tell everyone: It's always dark. You cannot see your hand in front of your face at the best of times. It's like every dark country road you set upon at night. Lonely, Isolated and a little bit scary. But when the sun comes up it's fucking beautiful.
EDIT: Imagine reading back on your posts only to find out the last two end with daytime being nice? Horror. Well actually, it was unintentional but I don't think I need to explain what each reference meant, so I'll grant you that small exception to the "no imagination" tag. But if you still find reason enough to think it's stupid to end two posts the same way (but with a different meaning) then message me and I'll explain it to you, then you can feel very very special!
Peace
Monday, March 1, 2010
I think, Therefore I am not
So why contemplate at all ey?
Why lose sleep? Why worry and stress? Why obsess about the weekend when it's only Monday? Why care how someone will see you when you walk into that social event with a certain person? Why search the deepest darkest corners of your brain just for the sake of something to give out about? Why try so hard to search the crevices of creativity just to find something to write about? Why are there so many question marks in this paragraph? It all just bangs of effort. It happens so damn easy I was convinced that it was second nature for a while. But have a guess what? I was so wrong.
It is not second nature to go into a daydream. Actually, It goes against my personal nature to daydream at all. It's all right to hypothesise about some future event that might, hypothetically happen, for a little while, while still existing in reality. It's all right to muse about the possibilities for a while. But It's not all right to lose part of a journey, or whatever it is you happen to be doing to the details of what some guy might say or about who might and might not turn up at an event you might be at with a person that might go. I don't rate my fantasies on chance, only the realities of what I will and can do at any given time. Then the fantasy stops. I often have to recall my girlfriend from a dream she might be having about how she would like it all to be while missing the moment completely. I often have to repeat myself to a friend because they are lost in details of some dream they are having about some situation that is far from where we are and what we're actually doing. As far as I know, no transportation is going to take me into their brain. You are thinking. You have ideas and daydreams and I know, because you aren't saying anything at all. I can't even shut up when I'm alone, hence this.
Now I'm going to ask where those damn daydreams come from or why they come up at all. Someone may say any number of things that constitute daydreaming... They might be happier somewhere else, financially or in another country or perhaps they might be thinking of a deceased loved one or being dead themselves. They both constitute two extremes of the same subject so I'm gonna work on those two themes. They are both completely unrealistic and unhelpful.
If you wanna be at home, Go! Just go. If you don't want to be earning money then don't stay doing it. Stop denying yourself the reality of your choices. And don't bother complaining about having to work when you decided all the reasons that keep you there in the first place. When you're in work fantasising about being at home you only seek to disappoint yourself somewhere along the lines of getting home and wanting it badly. Your day in the office will suck. Your journey home will be stressful and if it's not exactly as you imagined it when you finally get there it's gonna be a horrible evening for you and anyone else who didn't decide to be part of your fantasy in the first place. Wanna be in Spain or travelling somewhere else? Go! no-one is stopping you putting away the cash except the creditors you took on yourself. But let me tell you, if you ain't happy now, you won't be happy there. You're still carrying that same stressful brain with you every step. Dreaming it'll be great. Get real. Save. Book. Go. You Want to be rich? Pay the bills? Hoarding cash is a happy thing is it? Buying shit makes you feel great? Just remember, you can be miserable and rich too. Why isn't that part of your dream? Sort out your problems or whatever then save.
So on the other end you are thinking of a dead relative or friend? I have too. It helps, then it feels shit. I might be an amateur here but I'm pretty sure that thinking about someone doesn't bring them back to life and it doesn't really feel that good at all. Just another horrible feeling in my chest. I dunno what to say really except if you like feeling terrible about it I won't stop you. About wanting death yourself, well, I just don't see the logic to be honest. You want to be dead cuz you can't deal with life. You'd be happier. Well last time I checked dead people can't do anything to affect their lives(?) Thinking about death doesn't make you happier. Obsessing over details and things you can't change doesn't make it better. And dead people aren't "happier". Sort out your problems. Die happier. How is a person who commits suicide happier? Have you asked a dead person how they feel? Sure, being alive is a little freaky. But thinking about it ain't gonna change a whole lot except you'll withdraw from reality. Not good. You're supposed to just be alive. Existing. Being and doing. Don't think about it, just do it. Nike would fucking love me. I should get an endorsement. You're brain can't deal with thinking of this kinda stuff. Trust me, I know.
Have you heard someone over-complicate something? Try tell you how something should be done in all the detail they could possibly consider? I have to say, for the record, that this thing wrote itself. I didn't think it through at all. Granted, this is now my second draft as paper turns to typed font, but I haven't edited it much. I guess my point is don't think things through and obsess over 'em too much. My brother put it best the other day when he paraphrased a conversation he had with a colleague. "Stop using your words to describe things and tell what it is that I have to do! If it needs to be done, Do it. If it needs to be said, say it. Don't think too long and over-complicate things. Don't get lost in your imaginary world and miss out on the real one. That feeling in your chest is an idea, thought, emotion or whatever that needs to be vented. It needs your output. It's rotting and festering and all the wrong stuff is coming out as a result. Just throw it out there. Fuck it.
I went walking today to see if I could get inspired by anything. I thought and thought about it but just drew a blank. I really didn't know what I wanted to write about. I started this blog just so I could write. I missed the point of it, it seems. So I just sat down and wrote. Out of all the important things I have to do this week this took the forefront because I just wanted to write something down. It was now. I looked up in the sky as I was walking and I saw that it was clear. The sun was shining.
It was a fucking nice day
Why lose sleep? Why worry and stress? Why obsess about the weekend when it's only Monday? Why care how someone will see you when you walk into that social event with a certain person? Why search the deepest darkest corners of your brain just for the sake of something to give out about? Why try so hard to search the crevices of creativity just to find something to write about? Why are there so many question marks in this paragraph? It all just bangs of effort. It happens so damn easy I was convinced that it was second nature for a while. But have a guess what? I was so wrong.
It is not second nature to go into a daydream. Actually, It goes against my personal nature to daydream at all. It's all right to hypothesise about some future event that might, hypothetically happen, for a little while, while still existing in reality. It's all right to muse about the possibilities for a while. But It's not all right to lose part of a journey, or whatever it is you happen to be doing to the details of what some guy might say or about who might and might not turn up at an event you might be at with a person that might go. I don't rate my fantasies on chance, only the realities of what I will and can do at any given time. Then the fantasy stops. I often have to recall my girlfriend from a dream she might be having about how she would like it all to be while missing the moment completely. I often have to repeat myself to a friend because they are lost in details of some dream they are having about some situation that is far from where we are and what we're actually doing. As far as I know, no transportation is going to take me into their brain. You are thinking. You have ideas and daydreams and I know, because you aren't saying anything at all. I can't even shut up when I'm alone, hence this.
Now I'm going to ask where those damn daydreams come from or why they come up at all. Someone may say any number of things that constitute daydreaming... They might be happier somewhere else, financially or in another country or perhaps they might be thinking of a deceased loved one or being dead themselves. They both constitute two extremes of the same subject so I'm gonna work on those two themes. They are both completely unrealistic and unhelpful.
If you wanna be at home, Go! Just go. If you don't want to be earning money then don't stay doing it. Stop denying yourself the reality of your choices. And don't bother complaining about having to work when you decided all the reasons that keep you there in the first place. When you're in work fantasising about being at home you only seek to disappoint yourself somewhere along the lines of getting home and wanting it badly. Your day in the office will suck. Your journey home will be stressful and if it's not exactly as you imagined it when you finally get there it's gonna be a horrible evening for you and anyone else who didn't decide to be part of your fantasy in the first place. Wanna be in Spain or travelling somewhere else? Go! no-one is stopping you putting away the cash except the creditors you took on yourself. But let me tell you, if you ain't happy now, you won't be happy there. You're still carrying that same stressful brain with you every step. Dreaming it'll be great. Get real. Save. Book. Go. You Want to be rich? Pay the bills? Hoarding cash is a happy thing is it? Buying shit makes you feel great? Just remember, you can be miserable and rich too. Why isn't that part of your dream? Sort out your problems or whatever then save.
So on the other end you are thinking of a dead relative or friend? I have too. It helps, then it feels shit. I might be an amateur here but I'm pretty sure that thinking about someone doesn't bring them back to life and it doesn't really feel that good at all. Just another horrible feeling in my chest. I dunno what to say really except if you like feeling terrible about it I won't stop you. About wanting death yourself, well, I just don't see the logic to be honest. You want to be dead cuz you can't deal with life. You'd be happier. Well last time I checked dead people can't do anything to affect their lives(?) Thinking about death doesn't make you happier. Obsessing over details and things you can't change doesn't make it better. And dead people aren't "happier". Sort out your problems. Die happier. How is a person who commits suicide happier? Have you asked a dead person how they feel? Sure, being alive is a little freaky. But thinking about it ain't gonna change a whole lot except you'll withdraw from reality. Not good. You're supposed to just be alive. Existing. Being and doing. Don't think about it, just do it. Nike would fucking love me. I should get an endorsement. You're brain can't deal with thinking of this kinda stuff. Trust me, I know.
Have you heard someone over-complicate something? Try tell you how something should be done in all the detail they could possibly consider? I have to say, for the record, that this thing wrote itself. I didn't think it through at all. Granted, this is now my second draft as paper turns to typed font, but I haven't edited it much. I guess my point is don't think things through and obsess over 'em too much. My brother put it best the other day when he paraphrased a conversation he had with a colleague. "Stop using your words to describe things and tell what it is that I have to do! If it needs to be done, Do it. If it needs to be said, say it. Don't think too long and over-complicate things. Don't get lost in your imaginary world and miss out on the real one. That feeling in your chest is an idea, thought, emotion or whatever that needs to be vented. It needs your output. It's rotting and festering and all the wrong stuff is coming out as a result. Just throw it out there. Fuck it.
I went walking today to see if I could get inspired by anything. I thought and thought about it but just drew a blank. I really didn't know what I wanted to write about. I started this blog just so I could write. I missed the point of it, it seems. So I just sat down and wrote. Out of all the important things I have to do this week this took the forefront because I just wanted to write something down. It was now. I looked up in the sky as I was walking and I saw that it was clear. The sun was shining.
It was a fucking nice day
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