End All or Be All

So I had a thought today. I thought, if God is loving and all powerful, there would be no suffering as He has the power to change it Himself. And because we are made in His image, we try to help each other as He, assumingly, would too. Still no sign of it. In fact, "the ways of God are not for man to know. Well then, how do YOU know that is so, if the ways of God are not for man to know?
If the Universe was God, there would be suffering, because we were all equal under the Universal principle that we exist within it's chaotic structure, so why wouldn't we suffer? I thought about the human principle of "If you know better or can help, then you should" which falls under the principle of "with great power comes responsibility". After all, that is how evolution allowed us to be here in the first place... our ancestors helped our own lineage to survive.  Anyway, I digress.
So, If there are people who believe in a God that pretty much has no hand in our day to day affairs, lets people starve and lets wars and dictators become the everyday norm, they pretty much decide not to help or intervene because the greater good, apparently wants the world to be this way... in other words, they don't want to help because they think their God will. However, those who think that nature is their God believe we should help each other and not wait for the miraculous hand to intervene... like it ever will, according to their logic. After all, "the Lord works in mystrious ways"... not at all. I mean, are we to believe that a storm that stops an invasion or that a disease that irradicates a people is a "miraculous intervention guided by Gods hand", or is it perhaps, nature doing it's thing? If so, then does that not make God and Nature one and the same thing? If you are going to wait for "God" or "Nature" to do it's thing, then why call it God to begin with? Why not just get up and help your fellow man in the mean time, before that "miracle" that somehow manages to kill people in their droves. How can that be "Good"? I somehow always think that religion must carry a bias, in order to make it an appealing group. Nature is not biased. I guess that is why so many flout religion these days... they don't want to alienate each other on their native planet, whether they be gay, black, Muslim, Christian, Atheist or any other condemned by exclusive religious law. Surely, if religion is your cup of tea, you'll  have a better chance of getting through the pearly gates if you accept, help and integrate rather than condemn, opress and single-out. Religion is supposed to reflect the good in your heart, not the Bad in your mind.
If the Universe/Nature and God are one and the same in the "ultimate end".. that same end that consists of "all God's children" whether the believe and repent or not, dying off and going towards their rapture or their cessation, depending on what you believe, then why not just accept and move on, while you are still alive? Have a good life and ensure that your fellow man does too? Why wait to be a good person? Wait for rewards after you die? Why not do it now and reap the benefits in "the next life"? Good is not exclusive... it's supposed to be easy. You have to work really hard to be a bastard, so I'm told :P

Perhaps religion is a wedge between nature and spirituality. Perhaps nature is a wedge between religion and apathy. Who knows? There will always be people who disagree, no matter what you believe or don't believe in. But keep an open mind. Try to understand.

That is all I wanted to say.



By the way, I am not singling out any one religion and continue to respect the beliefs of everyone. We are all equal and have the right to think, fell and practice whatever we want to... so long as it hurts no-one in the mean-time.

Good day :)

Waste of Time

I write mostly, to cure an itch

That is not to say I do so without any other point in mind. I mean sometimes, I'm trying to be funny, cynical, or just plain want to be angry at something.

Before, not too long ago, I went through a huge passive-aggressive stage, while dealing with some personal problems. That was a bit silly, but I guess writing it down at the time was part of the process... so that falls into relativity, absolving me of any guilt I should feel about it (I like to think)

Nowadays, it's just something I like to do, whenever I want to discuss something I have been throwing around my brain for too long. I'd say I have only published half of what I have written in entirety. The rest is a case of "write the letter today, post it tomorrow... on second thoughts, don't"

I once read a quote by an author I admire which I'm going to paraphrase: "I always wrote with my sister in mind. I feel it's good to write your stories as if you were intending to tell it to a specific person, not an entire audience. I always pictured her laughing at the story being told as she used to when we were young, while she was still alive". The author was Kurt Vonnegut... can't remember the specific book... maybe Slaughterhouse 5? Anyway, I digress... I thought his method was interesting... but when I tried it, it made me irritable. I guess I harbor a lot of ire somewhere inside. Suffice to say the method failed me, personally. Or maybe I should have pictured someone I liked talking to. That could have worked well. I guess I should find a better muse.

Anyway, though I like writing specific thoughts and to some extent, not-so-specific (quite like this pointless bit of banter) sometimes I feel like I'm doing so, just to kill time. I have an itch to do something with my life, having squandered the best part of ten years. I also like to read. See what my thoughts "look" like. And I like to read other people's blogs too. I like to read other regular people's thoughts, then I transmit my own, and we can all feel better about ourselves. It's all a bit Schadenfrued really. But in doing so, as in writing them down, helps me feel better about myself too, to an extent. Like my day was worth the little bit more because I got to empty my head and do something creative, even for ten minutes. For instance, I was thinking about the army today. I really wanted to see if I could do it, but I'm pretty sure I cannot, having squandered my youth. That boat sailed six years ago. At this stage I'd be paddling after it. So now I am writing, to fill a gap. To shut of my brain. And to scratch an itch.

Frankly, If I don't do something worthwhile with my time soon, I'm gonna burst. And I don't want to have to pay for carpet cleaning.

I'm poor enough as it is.

Plus my ass is raw with all the scratching I did in the last ten years. Gotta scratch something!

10,000 Hours

10,000 hours...

That is 416 days, before you go looking

And lately, I've noticed I have given up on everything I was ever any good at, or beginning to get good at. Actually, honestly, I don't know if that is true. There is running for example... I have managed to keep that up... does that mean I'm crap at it? It's a weird conundrum I find. Having said that, I haven't been running for 10,000 hours yet, but when you think of the overall nutrition and the lifestyle change involved, not to mention the constant attitude needed, it's a daily slog... and all in all comes up to about 197 days, give or take, since I committed myself to it.

But I get intimidated by consistency... When I think of all the things I could be successful at and the time involved in them, I always seem to back out at the last minute. According to Outliers, the Story of Success by  Malcolm Gladwell, the repetition of any task for 10,000 hours will contribute to your overall success in it and also, a perfection or expertise of sorts (though I'm paraphrasing here... I never actually read the book, just overheard the reference a few times)

Then why is my typing dyslexia getting worse? I'm sure I have written for over 10,000 hours including school and homework into the mix! And why is it so hard to give something I like, like music, 10,000 hours before I quit for no apparent reason?

I have sat on my arse for a long time now, online, and I hate it... It bothers me that I cannot find a single thing worth doing from the comfort of my seat in this country. Of course I could go out and find something using my two legs and a bit of initiative ... but I like my computer and I like sitting down. And I've spent over 10,000 hours on my arse, so I must be pretty good at it. For some reason I'm thinking of a quote from Two-and-a-Half Men where Jake asks Charlie "Uncle Charlie, can I watch T.V?" and Charlie replies: "Well you have two eyes and a butt". There's wisdom buried in there somewhere,  perhaps.

But it doesn't seem like you're doing anything at all when you're just sitting, browsing jobs or courses or even reading online or watching television. And right now, in Ireland, an unemployed person such as myself has to fight hard to find a job, especially one that I like. I'm worried, because watching T.V is something I'm getting to be good at. But I want more than sitting there watching T.V. At this stage, I just want a job, any job, that I would happily spend 10,000 hours in... especially if it takes me away from this boring rut I find myself in. A year at anything other than sitting on my ass would be great. Running does provide a good break from the mundane but I guess I require more. When I think of the 10's of thousands of hours that have passed, the opportunities I have let pass and the failed tasks I have put time into, it just makes it all the more necessary to get good at something. I think of that 416 days, or 10,000 hours starting every day. What to do, what to do...

Of course I've been procrastinating for over 10,000 hours now, so I must be a professional at this stage

Return of the Rant

The last while has been very confusing for me. I'd say the entire time actually adds up to about a year, if I'm to be fair. I could exaggerate, but that would simply fool no one, myself included. That is, it would achieve nothing for me to tell a white lie and say that I was, in fact, confused for less than like, two months or something. I have been confused for a great while now. I think that is  something I share with many though, because confusion spurns creativity - no one knows what it is they're supposed to be doing, so they do all manner of things. They may go to college, shoot for the big promotion, or become a Fireman or something. Hell, there are many, who are currently filling these roles, or literally, filling bread rolls... with ham and cheese and shit, that really don't want to be doing it at all and can only think to occupy themselves with whatever they can, while providing the odd Dollar, Euro or Yuan or whatever. Again, I would say I was such a person... someone just looking for something to do... hopefully, while getting a small reward for it. The reward may be cash, long vacations or to hear a crowd cheer after a performance. Really, there is more than one way to feel rewarded from what one does with their time. Right now, getting skinnier and healthier are rewards for me. It feels good.

But you know, it's not always easy to find something you like to do... and furthermore, it's not always easy to find the right reward that you'd like to receive for it. Some people choose the wrong path, briefly, and find that hard work is not their forte, or perhaps running through burning buildings is just too hot for them. Perhaps they liked reading novels but found curriculum-specific novels to be a tad... ensnaring and slightly constricting to their usual reading desires. Also, It's seems painfully easy to fall into the alluring honey-trap of following suit, when really you'd just rather do the fashion degree than going for the sales/marketing degree that everyone else is going for. It seems that decisive self expression plays a serious role in how some folks would like to spend their time. And this is what snagged me... What the hell do I want? And what would be adequate for me to commit to doing from here on?

Honestly... I am still where I was two years ago with regards to "what I want" in life. I am still idle, to a degree and a little under-achieving, even by my own standards.

But things aren't completely the same as they were... I mean, I have gotten older and a little more experienced and my attitude is a little more "grown-up". How I spend my free-time has changed and indeed, my outlook on a number of issues I have been contemplating for most of my adult life have matured somewhat. I no longer sit on the fence like I used to, even if I haven't achieved a whole lot, personally. But that is on the rise.

But, here is where I go back to the statement that opened this blog, the first of many in this "retry" of "Matt's Daily Rant" (name to be reviewed). The last while has been very confusing for me. And here I am, back here again.

The situation I find myself in is not really any clearer than it was, but I feel like I have handled myself better lately. Though that is changing constantly. I am always confused. I often hear people saying "childhood was a confusing time for me" or "My teens was very confusing". Hell, occasionally, I still hear older generations say "My midlife crisis/menopause was a confusing time" etc etc you get the drift. I believe life is just... confusing. Ups and downs, poverty to just having enough to scrape by, good decisions, bad decisions, bad and good hair days, theses and dissertations, medical conditions and natural disasters. Life is a flux. Some people sink their heads in the sand, some come out fighting, some live in sci-fi fantasies, others take up acting, teaching, doing courses they know they hate, working on the land, working for charity, jamming, slamming and ramming. You know, it really doesn't matter.
God could be your saviour... Hell, he could be down the bottom of a bottle or up in the sky, in the back of a good book or miles away overseas... he could be a green-back or a nice red-head. He could be a conflicting opinion or a reason to live. Who knows? Not bleedin' I, that is for sure. I'll never know and I realise now, sometimes I just like not knowing. Lately I have found my peace in few places... In nights with my friends... I have found it on cycles through my town or in the sweat I generate while running. I've even found it while simply listening to others without really forming a personal judgment on it. I guess I just like to do these things. Run, cycle, drink, chat and listen. I love to listen and I love to read too. I goddamn love opinion columns whether I agree with them or not.



Did I also mention I love to write?