When people say you should always be nice
I think this is easily taken for granted. No one needs to be nice. It's a privilege, not a right.
In work for example... I'm nice to strangers for the entire duration of my shift
There are people I have known for years who I am barely ever nice to. That doesn't seem fair except briefly, for the fact that I am being paid to be nice. I don't think I'm being paid enough for that privilege. I sell my niceness too cheaply. I don't have to be nice. Fuck that
...and myself. I'm awful to myself.
When someone says "you should always be nice to people, to strangers" it now, at this moment, makes me want to punch the offender in the face.
Be the person you'd like to meet. Bullshit. You don't "choose" who you want to meet. You just meet people. you don't get a choice
Be nice.
No I should not. And neither should you. It's a choice, when I'm feeling like it. I don't "have" to be nice if I don't want to be.
Yes, I am arguing with myself. I know this. I am aware of it, so that makes me happy.
Anyway.
I asked a girl out a long time ago, and I could never let go of the fact that she confided in an associate, that I was "too nice" and "not her type"
or some bullnut like that
what I guess annoys me about that is the fact that I CHOSE to be nice to HER PARTICULARLY and this was seen as a BAD thing.
Moral of that story? I could have been an absolute cockbag and it wouldn't have made a difference except how I felt about myself.
Now, that example should not be taken in isolation for the point I'm trying to make which is just that, if you choose to be unpleasant or just ARE as a RESULT of how you feel because of whatever is going on in your life, don't be bound to a false ideal of how you OUGHT to be rather than how you actually feel. No price tag is high enough and no outside opinion large enough to merit a change that significant.
Fuck everyone else and their ideal of how YOU should be. If they don't like it, it's their problem.
and if you walk into a store and the cashier smiles to you and is outwardly chatty?
APPRECIATE it.
It's a privilege, not a right. Sometimes the customer can be an asshole too
an asshole who, has possibly had experiences just like the cashier. Another human being
Over The Edge
Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday, August 26, 2013
Fatbladder
It's been a while since I have written here
there are a plethora of good reasons. There are also an equal amount that could be considered bad, but it's barely worth a mention. Why?
because I obsess too much over things, that's why.
Sure, in a more stable set of circumstances analyzing moderately over any subject is healthy, but in my case, not so much.
I want to let go of stuff but my goddamn emotions won't let me
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
that's all I have to say
there are a plethora of good reasons. There are also an equal amount that could be considered bad, but it's barely worth a mention. Why?
because I obsess too much over things, that's why.
Sure, in a more stable set of circumstances analyzing moderately over any subject is healthy, but in my case, not so much.
I want to let go of stuff but my goddamn emotions won't let me
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
that's all I have to say
Monday, August 13, 2012
Arbitrary Observation
Most people I know are complete arseholes.
I mean it, 90% of people are complete arseholes and I say that unreservedly, hand on my heart.
OK, so there are some notable exceptions; my parents, parents of friends and young kids... too young to know they are being annoying. Young kids can be arseholes too when they become aware that crying and being cantankerous gets them what they want, or when they start to form groups and partake in bullying or roadside sarcasm when you simply want to pass by them or something. But then again, they don't know enough to know they know nothing...
But I digress.
I'm just simply pointing out that everyone I know has a streak that makes them an arsehole.
Wait a minute... Streak?... arsehole...?
Heehee
OK, last time I digress, I promise
Anyway, the point that I'm trying to needle out here is that I grew up, trying my best to keep my good side out. It was a battle and a half which I finally realised I was losing when I continually observed others around me being arseholes and enjoying themselves, often to great reward while I was suffering with occasional happiness not relative to the immense niceties I was allowing even perfect strangers. When I did something that I could merit from, I was reprimanded for doing it by people who were looking out for my best interests, apparently. I was told this world does not serve nice people only those who can display occasional cynicism, pedantry and being condescending and generally stepping all over their peers to come first.
OK, not always, but those people do exist
Life is not fair you see. And now that I look around with new eyes (not literally) I see it's rife everywhere.
Granted; I exaggerate on the sheer amount of arsehole-ness there is around, but that is my arsehole-ness coming through you see. It's quite enjoyable when you get used to it. I like to whittle what i observe down to raw explanation. I play devils advocate on issues even if I agree with them. My malevolence shines through in taking things apart. Stable things. Talk crap even if you don't really mean it. It's a normal thing to do.
We're Human
Apparently
See, it's OK to be a little malevolent every now and then if it serves the greater good... that being your own self-interested, greater good. That's right, in this life YOU are number one. See that person over there who thinks they are right all the time? Arsehole. See that condescending guy in the corner? Arsehole. See that fella writing blogs about anything he can sit in bed on a Monday night and muster up on the fly? Arsehole. That's right... the world is full of them. You, me we're both arseholes because that is a perfectly normal thing to do.
Normal thing to do.
Sounds nicer every time, doesn't it?
I have stories about friends and family, neighbours and colleagues and the arsehole things they did on occasion and in my small town where I grew up. Because it was a normal thing to do.
Not.
It was only normal to gossip about those that did wrong because we suffered small town syndrome. Nothing to do but hang out and talk shit about people we knew. It was a horrible idea to step out of line in case someone talked about you for stepping out of line. you had to be a moaning backward dickball to pull through because everyone was doing it.
Fuck that. I love people acting like an arsehole and being imperfect plainly because it's natural; everyone does it and it's our right to do it. We fuck up, throw up, fight, leer, shout, fall over, have punch ups then make up... Hell, that is how we have fun! I didn't understand this was completely acceptable, like a hidden super power until I could get away long enough to see from the outside. I realise I was trying too damn hard to be nice and it's changing how I have seen certain people. Even those I once had issue with, all those years ago. Nowadays, I forgive every wrong I have felt others have done to me. Every damn one, because it was their right to fuck up and moreso, because I don't want that baggage, that gossip... I do not need that shit and neither do you. Plus I reserve the right to fuck up too. Besides, Who needs someone flapping their apparently "perfect" lips aboout how much of a shit you are?
Now I just have to get round to forgiving myself for what I have done in the past to people because... I am an arsehole too.
It's a normal thing to do you see.
I've always thought being nice and perfect would reap rewards, but it only gets you trampled on by those who would keep down there, as low as you felt. Nobody gives a shit about you, you have to do that yourself!
Matt by name, matt by nature it seems. No more.
Of course, your parents and siblings and the older and much younger generation... you gotta watch out for them.
It's the normal thing to do, you see.
I mean it, 90% of people are complete arseholes and I say that unreservedly, hand on my heart.
OK, so there are some notable exceptions; my parents, parents of friends and young kids... too young to know they are being annoying. Young kids can be arseholes too when they become aware that crying and being cantankerous gets them what they want, or when they start to form groups and partake in bullying or roadside sarcasm when you simply want to pass by them or something. But then again, they don't know enough to know they know nothing...
But I digress.
I'm just simply pointing out that everyone I know has a streak that makes them an arsehole.
Wait a minute... Streak?... arsehole...?
Heehee
OK, last time I digress, I promise
Anyway, the point that I'm trying to needle out here is that I grew up, trying my best to keep my good side out. It was a battle and a half which I finally realised I was losing when I continually observed others around me being arseholes and enjoying themselves, often to great reward while I was suffering with occasional happiness not relative to the immense niceties I was allowing even perfect strangers. When I did something that I could merit from, I was reprimanded for doing it by people who were looking out for my best interests, apparently. I was told this world does not serve nice people only those who can display occasional cynicism, pedantry and being condescending and generally stepping all over their peers to come first.
OK, not always, but those people do exist
Life is not fair you see. And now that I look around with new eyes (not literally) I see it's rife everywhere.
Granted; I exaggerate on the sheer amount of arsehole-ness there is around, but that is my arsehole-ness coming through you see. It's quite enjoyable when you get used to it. I like to whittle what i observe down to raw explanation. I play devils advocate on issues even if I agree with them. My malevolence shines through in taking things apart. Stable things. Talk crap even if you don't really mean it. It's a normal thing to do.
We're Human
Apparently
See, it's OK to be a little malevolent every now and then if it serves the greater good... that being your own self-interested, greater good. That's right, in this life YOU are number one. See that person over there who thinks they are right all the time? Arsehole. See that condescending guy in the corner? Arsehole. See that fella writing blogs about anything he can sit in bed on a Monday night and muster up on the fly? Arsehole. That's right... the world is full of them. You, me we're both arseholes because that is a perfectly normal thing to do.
Normal thing to do.
Sounds nicer every time, doesn't it?
I have stories about friends and family, neighbours and colleagues and the arsehole things they did on occasion and in my small town where I grew up. Because it was a normal thing to do.
Not.
It was only normal to gossip about those that did wrong because we suffered small town syndrome. Nothing to do but hang out and talk shit about people we knew. It was a horrible idea to step out of line in case someone talked about you for stepping out of line. you had to be a moaning backward dickball to pull through because everyone was doing it.
Fuck that. I love people acting like an arsehole and being imperfect plainly because it's natural; everyone does it and it's our right to do it. We fuck up, throw up, fight, leer, shout, fall over, have punch ups then make up... Hell, that is how we have fun! I didn't understand this was completely acceptable, like a hidden super power until I could get away long enough to see from the outside. I realise I was trying too damn hard to be nice and it's changing how I have seen certain people. Even those I once had issue with, all those years ago. Nowadays, I forgive every wrong I have felt others have done to me. Every damn one, because it was their right to fuck up and moreso, because I don't want that baggage, that gossip... I do not need that shit and neither do you. Plus I reserve the right to fuck up too. Besides, Who needs someone flapping their apparently "perfect" lips aboout how much of a shit you are?
Now I just have to get round to forgiving myself for what I have done in the past to people because... I am an arsehole too.
It's a normal thing to do you see.
I've always thought being nice and perfect would reap rewards, but it only gets you trampled on by those who would keep down there, as low as you felt. Nobody gives a shit about you, you have to do that yourself!
Matt by name, matt by nature it seems. No more.
Of course, your parents and siblings and the older and much younger generation... you gotta watch out for them.
It's the normal thing to do, you see.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Diary of a Human
I don't want to make big first-impressions any more
I know you're supposed to want that on some level, you know, to be introduced to your first boss with the go-getter attitude; to hit on that girl or guy in the right way; to make friends with the cool crowd in a way that will carry over in future; to sell yourself as the best you can be...
I don't want it. The feeling is dying.
I mean, it has been prevalent, strongly in my life until now.but recently, I just don't want it any more
It's like; I have over-sold myself to some people - not all now, but just some
I gave them the best quality, refined, free sample one could ask for... the stain remover that turns your purple ink stained shirt white, the tablet that degreases your dishes on impact or the washing up liquid that shines your cutlery and just keeps on giving.
A miracle product, in my opinion.
I did that shit, I over sold myself for a long time. I sold the product, I marketed it and guaranteed it's results well passed it's use by date.
Now I'm just tired and the thoughts of living up to my own high standards makes me anxious to even think of. The blueprint of the product I created is faded and hard to read. I'm perfectly happy just being a standard product that does what it says on the tin.
I'm so bored of the ridiculously high standards I set for myself to live up to.
In fact, that i am typing this suggests to me that I am trying too hard still. One day I'll get it
I picture my ideal life as a monk up high on a mountain temple in Tibet. It's the only way i wouldn't give a fuck any more, completely.
before I digress, I just mean to say that I am accepting my own fallibility as a human being, as a man and as a friend. I am realising that for some friends I have made, I have set the standard too high. Sure, every friend expects you to be the friend that they made initially... to deliver as you always did, be it listening understanding, fun, whatever. And it's in their right to expect it... and in mine to supply to an extent. After all, if marketing is considered to be a valuable practice (it isn't) then it is the onus of the marketer to deliver their promise or else no commission!
I wonder how many times and to whom I oversold myself... how often I was happy enough to just be quiet in the corner and not try to be the happy comment slinger or critic whenever the situation called for it (at least how I perceived it anyway) I wonder when I don't try, should I? I it necessary? That is what I am facing these days. Acceptance... for once, not by everyone external to me, but internally... by myself, to myself.
when you end up with a girl because you tried really hard to get her should you maintain that standard even if it's not sincere? is that a legitimate situation? are you supposed to or do you just wait and hope someone who is "just right" crosses your path at the right time and delivers all you need? (these questions are of course, rhetorical)
Trying hard will always be a battle I'll have to fight on some level; on one, it'll be asking myself "am I trying too hard with this person and should I just let them go?" and on another, it'll be "should I be trying harder to like this in case I'm just more relaxed than most about this person/place/thing and not giving it the attention it deserves?"
I know, right? "Let it be" as the Beatles once said. "Let it be as it may". Just roll with the punches. get on with it.
I believe this is the best course too, you know.
I just hope those I sold the product to are OK with an invalid warranty
and once that is clarified, I'm pulling production and relying on a multiple sell of an original product.
That's all
Nite nite x
I know you're supposed to want that on some level, you know, to be introduced to your first boss with the go-getter attitude; to hit on that girl or guy in the right way; to make friends with the cool crowd in a way that will carry over in future; to sell yourself as the best you can be...
I don't want it. The feeling is dying.
I mean, it has been prevalent, strongly in my life until now.but recently, I just don't want it any more
It's like; I have over-sold myself to some people - not all now, but just some
I gave them the best quality, refined, free sample one could ask for... the stain remover that turns your purple ink stained shirt white, the tablet that degreases your dishes on impact or the washing up liquid that shines your cutlery and just keeps on giving.
A miracle product, in my opinion.
I did that shit, I over sold myself for a long time. I sold the product, I marketed it and guaranteed it's results well passed it's use by date.
Now I'm just tired and the thoughts of living up to my own high standards makes me anxious to even think of. The blueprint of the product I created is faded and hard to read. I'm perfectly happy just being a standard product that does what it says on the tin.
I'm so bored of the ridiculously high standards I set for myself to live up to.
In fact, that i am typing this suggests to me that I am trying too hard still. One day I'll get it
I picture my ideal life as a monk up high on a mountain temple in Tibet. It's the only way i wouldn't give a fuck any more, completely.
before I digress, I just mean to say that I am accepting my own fallibility as a human being, as a man and as a friend. I am realising that for some friends I have made, I have set the standard too high. Sure, every friend expects you to be the friend that they made initially... to deliver as you always did, be it listening understanding, fun, whatever. And it's in their right to expect it... and in mine to supply to an extent. After all, if marketing is considered to be a valuable practice (it isn't) then it is the onus of the marketer to deliver their promise or else no commission!
I wonder how many times and to whom I oversold myself... how often I was happy enough to just be quiet in the corner and not try to be the happy comment slinger or critic whenever the situation called for it (at least how I perceived it anyway) I wonder when I don't try, should I? I it necessary? That is what I am facing these days. Acceptance... for once, not by everyone external to me, but internally... by myself, to myself.
when you end up with a girl because you tried really hard to get her should you maintain that standard even if it's not sincere? is that a legitimate situation? are you supposed to or do you just wait and hope someone who is "just right" crosses your path at the right time and delivers all you need? (these questions are of course, rhetorical)
Trying hard will always be a battle I'll have to fight on some level; on one, it'll be asking myself "am I trying too hard with this person and should I just let them go?" and on another, it'll be "should I be trying harder to like this in case I'm just more relaxed than most about this person/place/thing and not giving it the attention it deserves?"
I know, right? "Let it be" as the Beatles once said. "Let it be as it may". Just roll with the punches. get on with it.
I believe this is the best course too, you know.
I just hope those I sold the product to are OK with an invalid warranty
and once that is clarified, I'm pulling production and relying on a multiple sell of an original product.
That's all
Nite nite x
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