Sunday, November 13, 2011

Waste of Time

I write mostly, to cure an itch

That is not to say I do so without any other point in mind. I mean sometimes, I'm trying to be funny, cynical, or just plain want to be angry at something.

Before, not too long ago, I went through a huge passive-aggressive stage, while dealing with some personal problems. That was a bit silly, but I guess writing it down at the time was part of the process... so that falls into relativity, absolving me of any guilt I should feel about it (I like to think)

Nowadays, it's just something I like to do, whenever I want to discuss something I have been throwing around my brain for too long. I'd say I have only published half of what I have written in entirety. The rest is a case of "write the letter today, post it tomorrow... on second thoughts, don't"

I once read a quote by an author I admire which I'm going to paraphrase: "I always wrote with my sister in mind. I feel it's good to write your stories as if you were intending to tell it to a specific person, not an entire audience. I always pictured her laughing at the story being told as she used to when we were young, while she was still alive". The author was Kurt Vonnegut... can't remember the specific book... maybe Slaughterhouse 5? Anyway, I digress... I thought his method was interesting... but when I tried it, it made me irritable. I guess I harbor a lot of ire somewhere inside. Suffice to say the method failed me, personally. Or maybe I should have pictured someone I liked talking to. That could have worked well. I guess I should find a better muse.

Anyway, though I like writing specific thoughts and to some extent, not-so-specific (quite like this pointless bit of banter) sometimes I feel like I'm doing so, just to kill time. I have an itch to do something with my life, having squandered the best part of ten years. I also like to read. See what my thoughts "look" like. And I like to read other people's blogs too. I like to read other regular people's thoughts, then I transmit my own, and we can all feel better about ourselves. It's all a bit Schadenfrued really. But in doing so, as in writing them down, helps me feel better about myself too, to an extent. Like my day was worth the little bit more because I got to empty my head and do something creative, even for ten minutes. For instance, I was thinking about the army today. I really wanted to see if I could do it, but I'm pretty sure I cannot, having squandered my youth. That boat sailed six years ago. At this stage I'd be paddling after it. So now I am writing, to fill a gap. To shut of my brain. And to scratch an itch.

Frankly, If I don't do something worthwhile with my time soon, I'm gonna burst. And I don't want to have to pay for carpet cleaning.

I'm poor enough as it is.

Plus my ass is raw with all the scratching I did in the last ten years. Gotta scratch something!

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