Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I'm Crazy, You're Crazy

I am a nutjob. Well, I am to a certain extent. On one hand I am serious and calculated, I like serious conversation and like talking about hard-hitting matters. On the other hand I have a bizarre sense of humour and I am interested in things I won't specify and detail for the sake of good taste and decency. I do not have religious beliefs, but I believe in promoting good, common sense ideas, not ideologies. But as far as I'm concerned, I am capable of living in society and through my own choices, am a law-abiding and respectful citizen who will not harm anyone else for personal gain. Back in school I was ridiculed for liking my hair a different length and liking music that wasn't main stream. I thought I was "different" and sure enough, I was. Still am. I have noticed that some, if not most of those I was "persecuted" by in school are still the same kind of people... a little predictable and very guarded. I am now on a majority scale, surrounded by people who behave and obey in a very peculiar uniformed manner. Yes, this is going to be another one of "those" blogs.

Basically, in school, I was given a hard time by those who would not "draw outside the lines" for want of a better expression. They were a very main stream bunch and anyone who was different to them would feel the wrath of their mighty majority. Gangs always pick on the one or two who stick together outside their own caste. However, they were children, as was I, so I cannot and will not hold grudges against them. You could cut someone badly in an accident and be genuinely sorry, but the scar on your skin may stay to remind you of what happened. Sorry is good enough when said in a genuine way and that is good enough for me. This metaphor in common explanation could be known as "a lesson learned" and I have chalked it down to experience. It was character building and probably had some hand in making me the man I am today. I am grateful even for the hard times.

As a teen, the hard times were not felt in school so much from peers. At that stage, most of the "social outcasts" had made their groups and stuck together in their new setting. There were still groups who thought we were mad for liking different things, and not having sex before we were 16 and not smoking and other stupid stuff that isn't worth mentioning. It was tough to fit in with that crowd. I had a quirky sense of humour even then and apparently it was only worth a scoff by those who thought themselves of a higher order to you. In order to fit in, I would have had to let go of a few basic values and a taste in music. It was a strange scenario indeed. The pressure I felt the most though, was from teachers saying I was wasted talent etcetera etcetera. Man, they sure wanted everyone to do shit subjects even if we didn't want to. The problem with school was they never put much emphasis on alternative subjects. I would have been interested in music or Japanese for example, but there were no such facilities.

Now as an adult I see generalisations all around me. I realise they have always been there and I realise that I never really went for them. I notice a lot of people go through the motions. There is a lot of pressure out there to fit in, belong, conform, and most importantly, to compete. Isn't it easier to compete when you're in a team? It's certainly easier to believe, if you're that way inclined, that a certain way is the right way if everyone else is doing it. See the Mark Twain quote at the bottom - I believe this to be true. If you're just blindly following a trend, it's time to stop and look at exactly what you want. I mean what you really want and not what others put you under pressure to do. Society is a strange thing. Tribal society is an important thing to look at too. Different tribes used to do and act different ways. The best ways survived to suit them. But striving for money and a name isn't right for everyone... only some. I am not one of those people.

So, though I may have a quirky sense of humour, a different taste in clothing or music and no real stressful desire to chip away at my happiness to pour my time into a black hole, I still feel worthy enough to enjoy my life how I see it. I am a little bit crazy, from a majority perspective, but I also happen to think the majority are crazy for not thinking in the fourth dimension, or outside the box, if you will. I worry about those straight laced types who submit to every pressure the tabloids or media, or even their own peers and work colleagues throw at them. What zany, personalities are they hiding? What are they afraid of, not belonging? Is it necessary for every individual to have a family, even if he or she doesn't want one? Must we belong to a group or a church, just because we are afraid generally or afraid not to? Do we have to hide our desires and sense of humour for example, just because a few cowards squirm when they see someone behave "differently"? You know those guys who suddenly go crazy and blow the out of everyone in their school, office or randomly? They are scared of not belonging. They are ridiculed for not fitting in. They cannot afford that house any more so they get in debt and kill their kids and spouse. The guys who shoot up their school peers are made out to be weirdos because they feel different to the majority and because they are continually pressured, become sure they are not normal. Usually these youngsters have no idea that we are all weirdos to some extent. Nerds, geeks, rockers, hippies, alternative life-stylers, tattooed guys and girls, fixations on an era like the 50's or 60's or something. Pressure comes from fear of being oneself after all, for some strange reason.

Well, I think I made a few of the points I wanted to and I'm sure I left out loads that I wanted to too. Such is always the way. But one thing I have learned over the years is that I will say whatever I want or whatever I feel needs to be addressed in general, depending on what mood I'm in. Many years ago I didn't do this. I was a pushover and was very very easy to convince into things. I still am to a certain extent. I can be a real easy with people. Helpful. Laid-back. Tolerant and generally, I don't make judgements on people for being "different" or wanting things differently to what I do. I think I may be the prime candidate in all the people I know (head grows larger) in fact. But I now know there are some who would have liked to keep me as I was. Like mála (modelling clay) - really easy to shape and influence. Alas, those days are gone. The rant continues.

P.S - If you're reading this blog, or are aware of it's existence, you probably don't irk me. Congratulations! :-)

 "Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Slumdogs, Lapdogs and Bitches

So I was just thinking...

The dog is a loyal animal, right? You call it, it comes. Some folks have a dog that will bring their slippers. There is that dog that sat outside Shibuya station in Tokyo for like nine years or something waiting for his master to return and he never did. The Japanese loved this story of loyalty so much that they erected a statue in it's honour. That sure is a nice thought. Wouldn't you love to be immortalised like that? You might get a gravestone if your're lucky with a nice epitaph that depicts, in your loved one's words or that of a poem or song,  what they thought represented you well when you were alive. The statue of Hachiko sits outside Shibuya station to this day, waiting for a master that will never return. But that is a heart warming story.

So what stone epitaph awaits the Irish people who re-elected a government that continues to rape the general Irish populace for every cent they have? I would imagine it to be a single frame of a scene in a brothel. Something with the citizen on it's knees or on all fours wearing some kind of sado-masochistic outfit being ravished by a heavy set man, or a woman of equal shape with a strap-on.

A sado-masochist is someone who likes punishment because they think they deserve it. Incidentally, it gives them a sexual kick, just for added bonus if you didn't know. A strap-on is a synthetic penis of varying length, depending on your taste.

So, every day there are job cuts and pay cuts and every time a banker is bailed out, yet somehow takes a pay rise with money you and I have to foot, you, the citizen, is the recipient in the brothel scene. You are their bitch. There is nothing loyal about being f****d over by the very people you voted for. Some day, when the funds dry up, the lapdog will become the bitch. The bitch, inevitably becomes the slumdog. That about sums that up.

Now, generally I am only half-arsed about this kinda thing. I didn't vote for those scumbags and never will. Generally, I am a never say never kinda guy, but I can guarantee that I will almost probably NEVER will vote these guys in for any reason. Imagine democratically electing in someone who will do the most undemocratic thing to you when they get a chance? Well, what government are democratic really, when you think about it. Always utilitarian and always self serving. If you are poor, forget about government. They aren't going to help you at all. Government are not designed for poor or working class people. Always remember, when you're talking about government, you're talking about a pyramid scheme. When the going gets tough, they'll f**k off with your money. I often wonder why some people vote for these f*****s at all.

But enough about that, I mean, it's not like I know anyone who votes people like that in, is it? It's not like any rich bankers might feel a moment of humanity while reading my blog, is it? It's not like it will ever reach the minds of any heartless politician either. But it's not like I should be complacent and sit back watching it all happen without ever doing anything either. It's a shame that the majority of people that oppose this government were once supporters who have become dissatisfied because the tiers are breaking down and they can now see their own exploitation and what they are really like now. It'as also a shame that this fickle majority have goldfish memories. It's a shame that a minority are the ones who won't vote, attend rallys by habit, won't work or just like giving out in general. But the biggest shame is that the main minority never wanted them there in the first place and now have to foot the cost of absolutely everything and listen to and watch all this shit unfold.

Well, you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. You just need a better trainer.

Or at least one with a different training method, maybe.

Irish people have become complacent, begrudging and reluctant by nature since we won our independence from colonisation. Maybe now we might recognise this and do what needs to be done to get these villains out and keep them out. It's not a fair, liberal democracy any more... it's a one sided, self serving, utilitarian shambles.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Busy at Matt's - The Same Old Song 'n' Dance II

Don't join Facebook groups unless you want them and their authors to spam the fuck out of your inbox. In fact, just don't join Facebook. When you haven't written something pointless for two weeks or wrote some stupid comment, you get inundated with messages asking where the fuck you are.

"I was doing other shit, OK?"

Now that that is out of the way...

When I was in school, teachers always told me I was lazy. Friends throughout the last decade or so have advised me to take up several different roles and I have taken them to mind, then committed them to heart, before inevitably turning them down. I guess I was always just happy and easily entertained. I often thought I was being complacent. Apparently I have been plodding along doing fuck-all with my life, if the standards of the average person is to be taken into account.

I have witnessed one or two people in my generation become a little uneasy with the template that has been laid out for them. As far as I'm concerned I have always been uneasy with it. I have never been able to fully commit to any one thing for too long. Some people have told me that I have a "problem" with "responsibility". I think that is bullshit to be quite frank. What is a person primarily responsible for before anything else? Themselves. Their feelings. Their occupations. Their happiness etcetera. When teachers told me I was lazy, what they probably meant was that I wasn't particularly sharp at any one subject. As in I couldn't excel particularly well at say, Maths, Irish or English even. I have always kinda felt that to be a really excellent Musician, a fantastic Lawyer or a brilliant Scientist, one must make personal sacrifices of say patience, sensitivity and social skills respectively. I guess some of the reasons I am the person I am today is that I never wanted to give up any of these things. OK, this is all not literal scientific proof, just theory, but you get my drift anyways.

I would like to say that I was making excuses for my lifestyle choice. Like I could justify the reasons I don't want to do most of the things you do. It's not that I choose not to do them, I just don't particularly want to. I don't aspire to be heavily in debt. I don't wanna spend my twenties or thirties around screaming kids either. I already spent my tennies and teens around 'em. That is not to say that everyone does exactly the same thing outside my scope of interest, but that generally, most people follow the same "trends", for want of a better word.


When my blogs started to slow down as I decided to do more acting with less theory to see if I could start upon some kinda path that suited me, I found out a few things.

I have been comparing my life to that of others for a number of years now and most of the analysed theories has shown up on a few blogs here. I pretty much wrote everything I could here just so I could get it out of my head and see how others responded to it. The results were predictable but still very very satisfying I have to say. And moreso, it feels pretty good.

I have managed to find a whole crew of people who feel much the same about this life as I do... I found a few new ideas in and around Philosophy, I found a few guys to chat to in the paintball crew I mix with and I have even happened upon one or two by accident. Basically put, I have not really felt the desire to "rant" about how I feel about things because there has been no need. Nowadays I'm just getting restless. Instead of pegging myself down, I just feel like bailing. Instead of worrying about kids and stuff I just want a few new experiences. Thankfully, I have many nieces and nephews to keep me occupied when I travel to Swords. Man I love kids. I love seeing 'em grow up and seeing their funny personalities develop, hearing their funny stories and helping out when I can by talking to 'em and helping them with problems when they arise. I also love how I can just go home after a long day with 'em too...

Society is a huge annoying pile of peer pressure and assumption. If you don't want what everyone else apparently wants and compete and buy concrete, you have "problems". If you don't live between huge piles of concrete and have a lovely hedge and a car you cannot afford you are lower class or a knacker.

Girls have a biological clock and I don't envy that at all. I could never sleep well around loud ticking clocks anyway. Usually when a clock ticks too loudly I lose sleep and get narky. When the problem persists I get a new quieter clock or just put it outta the room entirely.

That doesn't mean I won't miss the clock however. When will women go digital dammit?


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Waste of Time

I was at a gig the other night.

First time in a long time actually. I haven't been to a concert since Faith No More at a guess... that was quite a while ago. Generally there aren't a whole lot worth going to these days. I mean there are good bands playing and all, but it's just such an effort getting tickets now that it can all seem rather daunting, unless the band is somewhat obscure. There's never really "enough" tickets going about for gigs and I don't want to buy tickets off a scalper or someone who has just bought eight and only wanted two to begin with, just because they want to make a few quid off them. It's sad... people really are that pathetically greedy. So I guess they are scalping tickets too.

When you arrive at these concerts now, there are generally a bunch of motionless individuals who light up only for the band's one or two most popular songs... in which case the chorus of these songs fill the air. Then it's just the band for the verses. These are the "band-wagon" punters. I'm not sure this is a problem in bigger countries, but here in Ireland, chances are that a band will only play one show in Dublin and one show in Belfast before moving on, if we're lucky. There is fuck-all chance of catching a second or third night in most cases. So one must travel up from the country to see a show in Dublin or up to Belfast to catch the next. When someone goes to Aerosmith, say, just to hear "I don't wanna miss a thing" because it was popular for about five minutes and nothing else, real fans are left in the lurch because this band wagon fan just couldn't wait to hear their "favourite song" played on something other than a jukebox. Hey, I'm not against new fans going to gigs, but they gotta be singing along to at least one or two more songs at least, I feel.

Finally I would like to discuss my biggest gripe with gigs as I approach an age where ranting is justified. I used to be all for getting hammered when going to gigs, drinking while there or even smoking a joint or two in order to heighten the mood. But now I just think "What's the point?" or "what's the pint" even :P yeah yeah, bad joke. But anyway, I was at a really great gig the other night. The band was Band of Horses and it's my second time seeing them. The first time, they really did a fantastic gig. My friend and I were sitting on the balcony for that one, as luck would have it. I would definitely recommend sitting in balcony seats for the It's a great view and there is nothing between you and the musicians as it were. However... This time we were unfortunate enough to be standing in the crowd for this show. The band were still awesome... the set was flawless and the crowd sang along for most songs too. The band were in high spirits and joked about a bit too. It really was great...

apart from the nudging...

the shoving...

the relentless to and fro of the drinking crowd.

the splashing of booze all over my clothes.

Honestly... what a useless waste of time going to and from the bar at a concert. You spend ten minutes waiting to be served. Ten minutes trying to painfully ease through the crowd back to your mates to give them their drinks. The whole time trying to prevent others from spilling it and about another ten minutes or so trying to get through the crowd again to go to the bathroom because you need to pee after having so many drinks. So that's at least a half an hour of the gig spent on drinking alone and general time-wasting. Incidentally, I decided a long time ago that I wanted to actually remember any concerts I went to and fully enjoy them, So I no longer drink at gigs. Neither my friend or I drank at this one. The people we were standing beside even... you could see how irritating it was for them to have people shoving through every few seconds carrying beers around. It even got to me eventually and I had to move a few feet away. There should be a drinking section in concerts... a drinking section, a standing section and a seated section. I would go for the seating every time now, I have to say.

But all in all, it was a great concert excluding the folks who decided to waste thirty quid to push through the crowd and spill beer on everyone, spend their time pissing or queueing and irk the hell outta everyone else.

Incidentally, you don't need to spend thirty quid to have a shit time fighting through crowds to get drinks... just go to The Foggy Dew or Bruxelles for that.