This is for me
I woke up. One of those mornings. Had to be about 5am. It's now 6.39am
Can't sleep. Heart was beating fast and my thoughts were racing too fast to keep up
I was thinking and repeating to myself some of my thoughts
and I thought I was mad, because you know, it would keep me awake longer.
How I want to sleep.
This week, as far as booze goes, it's gonna have to be a quiet one. I want some time off.
I actually didn't want to drink - I could tell on my second one.
I don't understand alcoholism. I'd die if I made myself drink all the time. Like now... I couldn't picture craving alcohol. The thought of it makes me ill
I would rather get some sleep and a regular pattern going again. Though this is just one night's sleep missed, I don't want to miss any more
I was just thinking - it felt like dreaming, but I knew I was awake. I hate those nights where I cannot tell the difference. I want to lie down and try again but I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep and then stress out - and fixate - that there's something wrong with me.
but at least if I do, I'll quietly acknowledge the thought
One more day, one more survival.
I'm tough as shit