Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Blog no. 2 - Impressive Layering

This is for me

I woke up. One of those mornings. Had to be about 5am. It's now 6.39am

Can't sleep. Heart was beating fast and my thoughts were racing too fast to keep up

I was thinking and repeating to myself some of my thoughts

and I thought I was mad, because you know, it would keep me awake longer.
How I want to sleep.

This week, as far as booze goes, it's gonna have to be a quiet one. I want some time off.

I actually didn't want to drink - I could tell on my second one.

I don't understand alcoholism. I'd die if I made myself drink all the time. Like now... I couldn't picture craving alcohol. The thought of it makes me ill

I would rather get some sleep and a regular pattern going again. Though this is just one night's sleep missed, I don't want to miss any more

I was just thinking - it felt like dreaming, but I knew I was awake. I hate those nights where I cannot tell the difference. I want to lie down and try again but I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep and then stress out - and fixate - that there's something wrong with me.

but at least if I do, I'll quietly acknowledge the thought

I'll try.

One more day, one more survival.

I'm tough as shit