I wanted to write this blog in order to say that the anger has subsided. The last of the angst has finally drained away from me. I no longer feel the need to rant about things.
As long as there are ignorant people in the world and those who, conversely, seek knowledge or some form of personal enlightenment, I will be here.
I would not say that my particular form of writing is either ranting or enlightening, however. It's just a sign, pointing in some random direction. I cannot specify exactly where though. I mean that is entirely up to the reader to decide. For the record, I am not writing to incite any kind of animosity or hatred. God help me if twelve of my friends were to write a book about me and start interpreting my blogs in their own words.
But that is not likely to happen either. At one stage, friends of mine thought I had specific problems with them. I admit, it sure looked that way, in retrospect, but that was not so. I just have a problem with popular interpretations on what life should be. It's not a textbook lesson, it's an experienced one. No one person taught me anything I needed to know. That was of course until they thought I was attacking them, then I sure learned a thing or two. Thanks.
But yeah, they are not likely to think I am worth writing a book about, so no fear of that happening. If ever I thought I was worth writing a book about, I'd stop talking and go into hiding.
Anyway, I was sifting through some old photographs and old files on my recently resurrected computer. Sorting through the clutter and removing some stuff that wasn't necessary. I remember someone's mother saying "If you haven't seen it in six months, it's not worth keeping". Wise words I think, though I didn't realise it at the time.
Anyway, I got to removing some old stuff. Documents, photos, games, porn, all the usual stuff you'd find on a 29 year old man's computer. Boy there is some amount of clutter around a computer when you think about it. Why do we keep so much shit we don't need? In general, I mean.
It's all clutter. I don't understand it. I have made it my business to clear out the clutter lately. Sell shit. Remove stuff I don't need. Understanding. Heh.
I have an analogy I always like to refer to. Understanding is broken into three concepts:
The outer regions of the Universe represent all the limitations on all that we'll never know, in other words, there are things we'll have to accept as continuous and unsolvable in life, as vast as the space we'll never see. There are some things we'll just never know fully. We have to make do with our limited scope of knowledge and understanding as human beings. Our Solar system represents the scope of our knowledge and the capacity to learn. After all, scientists are still finding new planetoids out there. Intelligence is limited to nuggets of information, constantly being gleaned from the dark void.
Computers represent the entirety of what we do and will understand and grasp, as storable in front of us or on our personal hard drives. Stuff we want to keep, stuff we want to learn and stuff we want to seek. Computer technology represents the realm of knowledge humanity will ever embark and realise fully. It's expandable, but still reliant on the use of our own willingness of discovery and our ability to keep going about it. Computers are like the outer brain of a human. The part of ourselves we never see The memories (Pictures). the thoughts (documents) The soundtracks to our lives. our own little external storage space for our lives, our experiences. We fear e'll lose ourselves. We keep it on our computer.
Then there is the mind. The ego. As bottomless as the depths of space.
Between the mind and the universe, there is space within and space without. When trying to imagine the outer realms of space, one must use their imagination. When trying to understand the vastness of inner space, one must also use their imagination. Let me give you some advice: Don't try to understand either. Let that information reveal itself to you.. Otherwise you are just filling that inner space with unnecessary speculation. Misinformation and darkness. The mind is a bottomless pit, just like our universe. Our minds are too small to grasp the workings of what we cannot witness. The same goes for the human brain. Though limited in understanding, it learns about itself as we do externally, at the workings of this vast puzzle that is space.
In the short version, don't fill your head with clutter. Memories and a false sense of self. Just let it all go. Because you can only store that snapshot physically on a computer, use it to let go of that which you cling to in your head. Stop trying to understand yourself... no one understands themselves.
And photos... all they remind me of is that I was once thinner... and associated with some people I no longer associate with. They go. Times go by. People change and seek other things in their life. Do them a favour. Cut the ties and let them go. Your body? It changes. Damn gravity. But don't cling to physical memories. they will only make you unhappy. You will argue that not all pictures make you sad. Well ask yourself this when you pull out that Ibiza shot from a bar in 1996 - who the fuck is that guy beside you? If it's not worth remembering, stop trying to hold onto it. If trying to hold onto the present moment and those that are part of it hurts, just let it pass. Do yourself a favour.
It's all relative, then you die. Just have some fun while your ticker is ticking. Stop taking life so seriously. Release your old ghosts and let them return to the grave. They are just as tired as you are