Awareness!!

Why the hell have I not written something on this before?

Fucking Awareness! That's all I have to say.

It's responsible for everything. Everything good, that is.

I'm pretty sure that the majority of us do everything we do with no awareness to it whatsoever. I am guilty of this myself to some degree. Definitely not as much as I used to be though.

I have accepted, for example, that eating food without being aware of what's in it, will make me fat. In fact eating certain amounts of food will do the same thing, if not consciously monitored. I have been concious of this now for approximately 8 years. 8 years, watching everything I eat and drink. Damn if that doesn't take awareness just to execute.

There was a time when not being aware of who I was or where I was, was difficult to deal with. Man if that wasn't a huge wake-up call I dunno what was. I used to get these crazy panic attacks just from day dreaming, I think. Just spending too much time thinking. Projecting. Escaping. All the usual shit we try to justify a lot.

I cannot think of one negative thing about being aware of what you're doing.

Yeah yeah yeah, so you know what I'm talking about. But strangely enough, most people have no idea at all.

Obese people, Drunks, Drug addicts, Abusive people, Bigots, Zealots, Prejudiced people and so on.

All unconscious. All spending too much time thinking about things. All trying to get away from their thoughts or changing the world to suit their "dream" world. People who continue to try "lose weight" without ever changing the process that makes them so to begin with. People who refuse to acknowledge they have a problem or the reality of their condition. People who use stimulants to give them a bigger kick of reality, to lose "inhibitions" (in other words, the thoughts that make them insecure) People who fabricate differences in races based on scrutiny and bias. People who aren't happy enough to be alive, but are afraid of death, like it's separable from life. People who cling so hard to possessions and  items rather than the common good of mankind. People who think their situation is the only "right" way to be. It's actually a strain to put myself in their shoes.

But anyway, just about everything bad you can pin to a person in this existence is down to ignorance, over thinking and lack of awareness. We have brains. they are capable of some tremendous things, solving problems, situations, big ideas. But we are obsessed with them. We over use them. Smokers? Refuse to become aware of the fact that their cigarettes that they work hard and pay for are killing them. Nobody wants to acknowledge that if they have something they want to do in this life, one day they'll be too old and tired or sick, to do it. One shot my friend, become aware of that. Breathe, listen, watch, feel, touch, smell... do whatever. Just stop thinking for a while. Conjuring up reasons why/why not. Thinking you are too good/not good enough. Time is ticking. That is, your body is getting older. Clock time isn't against you only your on-board ticker. And no one that thinks too much is going to help you out. Think on your feet. Be impulsive. Create. Say. Do. Be. Just start fucking existing. How many girls have I lost to the ideas in their heads? How many conversations have been interrupted by those who don't listen but just keep thinking while you're talking to them?

And as soon as you become aware of something, don't let it go. Don't lose it to a daydream or a projection of what may never happen. Stay with it.

Let's be honest, your life pretty much depends on it.

Too Much Ire And Not Enough... Fice?

I've heard it said that people think Bill Hicks is a loudmouth. Suffice to say, these people are idiots.

OK, I'm not about to take out the judgement broom and start whapping people with it, but I would go as far as saying that people who are afraid to think for themselves are foolish. And once you let foolishness take over your being, you are an idiot for doing so. When you start lambasting the free opinions of one individual with generalisations shared by many hive minded idealists, you may as well serve your brain out on a platter, eat it up and then shit it into the toilet where it belongs.

Anyway, I happen to think Bill Hicks is genius. But not in a Stephen Hawking or Albert Einstein type of way, just in an Everyman kinda way, because everyone who appreciates this kind of "comedy" (I would say it were more spoken word myself) Knows themselves that they would like to have the courage to do it too. They know that there is simple truth behind it and that is the simple genius I'm addressing. I didn't know until I watched it today (Revelations - Bill Hicks) that I was setting myself along that road too.

I wouldn't go as far as saying I was genius or anywhere near it, but I do have one thing in common with this guy and many before him and few after, that I just cannot keep my damn mouth shut.

The problem is though, I'm too damn passive to be a comedian or public speaker.

I have decided though that I'm going to be a bit more loose with my tongue when it comes to dishing it out to those I think deserve it. Seems like everyone else can get away with it, so why can't I, ey?



I have a simple philosophy I live by (actually one of many) that goes;

"When you put money as your No.1 priority, you become my No.2"

Man, I cannot stand those who put money before people. It's a simple rule of thumb for me. I'm gonna have a good rag-out about greedy people soon.

For no reason at all, here's another of my basic principles;

"Treat others as you'd like to be treated yourself" - no, I'm not paraphrasing... We are in Twenty-ten, not Zero AD!

OK, so anyway, I'm one of these ire-free people. I can't stand gossip or those who like to spread it, I can't stand greedy bastards either (there is something I'd like to discuss eventually: Those fuckers who, when someone asks for something you have only a tiny bit of knowing full-well you won't refuse, take advantage; or in another case, when you actually do refuse them on the grounds of not actually having enough for yourself, say you've double standards! It's like "Fuck off and stop covering for your scabbing by saying I'M doing something wrong!") I also cannot stand folks with double standards. As I've just said *ahem*.

Problem is, I'm too... nice... when I am going off on one about 'em. I'm pretty sure the older I get the more cynical I get. I guess there are great things to learn from cynicism. And realism. Hence comedy. Comedy is ironic. Because we're all guilty of stupid shit somewhere or other along the road. But feck sake, I'm an awful pushover at best. Anyway, I'm not sure where this is going really.

I never am. I find that the more I plan to write something, the less likely it is to be done. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't got some kinda formula to this piece, but there are many ways to get the same answer. I like Maths even if I'm completely shit at it.

Anyway, I'm gonna let the ire run a bit more freely from here I think. Feels good man.

I've lost track of where this was going for sure, so I'm gonna re-cap. The reason I like Bill hicks, like other comedians, is that he's a doer, even if he doesn't do anything but speak. That is half the battle just speaking your mind. Being complacent irks me something terrible. I'd like to be just a little more forward than I am right now. I resolve to fix this. I have very basic human moral standards. I plan to write and live by them, even if it takes my lifetime to do it. At least I know I've always been truthful. I always plan to speak my mind. I won't be famous for it, but I won't have anything to regret.


Oh, and blah blah blah




Now, for no reason at all, a few shit I was writing on my phone for the last week and a half! (In no particular order)

- How will people learn?

How does anyone learn at all? Fortune favours the brave! Really great men, in fact are MADE by their mistakes. We cannot go on through life pussyfooting around them. And for feck's sake, when will we actually LEARN from them, ey?

- I have no problems with the individuals, just the establishments that the individual lend themselves to without question.

- There are pros and cons to doing things early in life that you probably shouldn't do. But there are pros and cons to everything. So what? You live, you learn. Or else you fall flat on your face and admire the view of the pavement.

- There's a difference between saying something coldly and saying something in realistic terms, just so long as all due respect is paid to the person you are talking to and what you are talking about. I say things always, with all due respect to who I'm talking to and what I'm talking about. So if you don't like it, stop being so sensitive!

- The wall of ignorance is porous, no matter how big and how thick. There is always a way through.

- Clock time is bullshit - Time is only as fast as the observer's heart is stimulated. Ever hear someone say "Time flies when you're having fun?". Once your heart is immersed in stimulating activity, be it thinking, creating, speaking, loving or learning, time will always go quicker. If you have nothing to be excited about, time will seem to move slower. It's that simple. Time is relative to how big the object (of affection) is.

- The best way to appreciate your woman is never to marry her. Just be infatuated. Eternally.

- It's never easy to admit you've made a mistake. Especially while in the middle of making it.

- I must be one of the dumbest people I know, according to my own standards. Great men seldom speak unless they're really famous. I never shut up.

OK, I'm done

The Game

You just lost.

No seriously though, What I wanted to talk about was a game of a different kind.

Life's got a delicate balance going on. Actually, life has a delicate balance in nearly every aspect. What most would be aware of, is that if the Earth weren't in some sort of specific orbit like it is, our ocean would evaporate or freeze, depending on whether it were closer or further away respectively and life as we know it would never have come to pass.

And these natural games have and will be played by every human that exists. Because life is about mediums and balances. It's about good and bad, big and small, young and old, old and new and so on. In fact we have gone so far as to say one option is "good" and one is "bad" for so long, we have lost sight of natural order. Good feelings precede bad feelings and vice-versa. There is no such thing as just "bad" or "good" in the grand scheme then, because one is needed to bring the other into recognition. Is it good that a bad deed made us all try a little harder to be good to one-another??

The laws of physics tell us that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. There is life and death, for example. Why is death "bad"? We can say death of a cancer patient is bad because we didn't want them to die. We didn't want them to die. It seems sometimes, it doesn't matter whether the patient was happy with the notion or preferred the release to a life of pain. So we call this a "bad" thing based on our own particular feelings. What's good for one person may not be good for another. And perhaps the event of a "bad" event may spur on the motivations of a "good" thing to make up for the loss arising form that bad thing. People catch killer virus' or disease to pave the way for us to learn about them and try prevent it.  It's bad when someone dies due to illness. It is bad when we want them to live a painful life based on our own needs. It is also good when a disease is cured, but it's bad when we have learned absolutely nothing from it. I could go on.

Then there is the delicate play in relationships. Relationships are always give and take, I'm told, by many. As I see it, relationships are a tug 'o' war. Men lose interest when too much interest is shown in them and girls take too much when interest is shown in them. There is a centre, a balance that has been responsible for so many break-ups that its insane at how simple it is to notice. Both guys and girls are responsible to notice and care for the balance and to hold it as much to centre as possible. In my opinion, no relationship that is one-sided is able to last and anyone who says so, has some serious homework to do on their own relationship. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Life itself is a game and we are all the players. Each side is looking for a member of the other to defect. I am not biased by separating "sides", in fact there is no particular "player" to each different "side" as it were. There are divisions that separate all of us in one way, but unite us on another. We decide what those divisions are and we decide whether they affect our lives or not. Good can very well become bad, but bad always has the option to change to good. Man can very well be angry at women, but then man has some serious issues he needs to look at in himself to understand why they are there. For everything that exists in our lives, we have to look somewhere in ourselves at why it effects us and have a responsibility to fix it.

That is all for today, thanks for reading

It's All Relative

So

I wanted to write this blog in order to say that the anger has subsided. The last of the angst has finally drained away from me. I no longer feel the need to rant about things.

Just kidding.

As long as there are ignorant people in the world and those who, conversely, seek knowledge or some form of personal enlightenment, I will be here.

I would not say that my particular form of writing is either ranting or enlightening, however. It's just a sign, pointing in some random direction. I cannot specify exactly where though. I mean that is entirely up to the reader to decide. For the record, I am not writing to incite any kind of animosity or hatred. God help me if twelve of my friends were to write a book about me and start interpreting my blogs in their own words.

But that is not likely to happen either. At one stage, friends of mine thought I had specific problems with them. I admit, it sure looked that way, in retrospect, but that was not so. I just have a problem with popular interpretations on what life should be. It's not a textbook lesson, it's an experienced one. No one person taught me anything I needed to know. That was of course until they thought I was attacking them, then I sure learned a thing or two. Thanks.

But yeah, they are not likely to think I am worth writing a book about, so no fear of that happening. If ever I thought I was worth writing a book about, I'd stop talking and go into hiding.

Anyway, I was sifting through some old photographs and old files on my recently resurrected computer. Sorting through the clutter and removing some stuff that wasn't necessary. I remember someone's mother saying "If you haven't seen it in six months, it's not worth keeping". Wise words I think, though I didn't realise it at the time.

Anyway, I got to removing some old stuff. Documents, photos, games, porn, all the usual stuff you'd find on a 29 year old man's computer. Boy there is some amount of clutter around a computer when you think about it. Why do we keep so much shit we don't need? In general, I mean.

It's all clutter. I don't understand it. I have made it my business to clear out the clutter lately. Sell shit. Remove stuff I don't need. Understanding. Heh.

I have an analogy I always like to refer to. Understanding is broken into three concepts:

The outer regions of the Universe represent all the limitations on all that we'll never know, in other words, there are things we'll have to accept as continuous and  unsolvable in life, as vast as the space we'll never see. There are some things we'll just never know fully. We have to make do with our limited scope of knowledge and understanding as human beings. Our Solar system represents the scope of our knowledge and the capacity to learn. After all, scientists are still finding new planetoids out there. Intelligence is limited to nuggets of information, constantly being gleaned from the dark void.

Computers represent the entirety of what we do and will understand and grasp, as storable in front of us or on our personal hard drives. Stuff we want to keep, stuff we want to learn and stuff we want to seek. Computer technology represents the realm of knowledge humanity will ever embark and realise fully. It's expandable, but still reliant on the use of our own willingness of discovery and our ability to keep going about it. Computers are like the outer brain of a human. The part of ourselves we never see The memories (Pictures). the thoughts (documents) The soundtracks to our lives. our own little external storage space for our lives, our experiences. We fear e'll lose ourselves. We keep it on our computer.

Then there is the mind. The ego. As bottomless as the depths of space.
Between the mind and the universe, there is space within and space without. When trying to imagine the outer realms of space, one must use their imagination. When trying to understand the vastness of inner space, one must also use their imagination. Let me give you some advice: Don't try to understand either. Let that information reveal itself to you.. Otherwise you are just filling that inner space with unnecessary speculation. Misinformation and darkness. The mind is a bottomless pit, just like our universe. Our minds are too small to grasp the workings of what we cannot witness. The same goes for the human brain. Though limited in understanding, it learns about itself as we do externally, at the workings of this vast puzzle that is space.

In the short version, don't fill your head with clutter. Memories and a false sense of self. Just let it all go. Because you can only store that snapshot physically on a computer, use it to let go of that which you cling to in your head. Stop trying to understand yourself... no one understands themselves.

And photos... all they remind me of is that I was once thinner... and associated with some people I no longer associate with. They go. Times go by. People change and seek other things in their life. Do them a favour. Cut the ties and let them go. Your body? It changes. Damn gravity. But don't cling to physical memories. they will only make you unhappy. You will argue that not all pictures make you sad. Well ask yourself this when you pull out that Ibiza shot from a bar in 1996 - who the fuck is that guy beside you? If it's not worth remembering, stop trying to hold onto it. If trying to hold onto the present moment and those that are part of it hurts, just let it pass. Do yourself a favour.

It's all relative, then you die. Just have some fun while your ticker is ticking. Stop taking life so seriously. Release your old ghosts and let them return to the grave. They are just as tired as you are