Thursday, December 23, 2010

Hi, horse!

I have always started each of these blogs with one goal in mind...

Clarity. Peace of mind. And the likes.


If you were to look at these blogs as snapshots of what goes on inside my mind, then you wouldn't be far from worng. However, you do not see their raw state very often, so I still get the pleasure of concealing to a minor degree, some of the splintered thoughts, fragments of memories and shrapnel..of...ideas that I deem unworthy of the eyes of others, be it for posture, decency or minor paranoia. So they are spirited away to another location in order to keep 'em safe and out of harm's way. I'm not the malicious type, and I ain't about to start either.

You cannot think away the past, nor can you change it, no matter how hard you try. Even burying it in chemicals doesn't work. Observe the junky or alcoholic and you will see it's a painful daily process, often ending in tears. Torture, both physical and mental, are a bitter pill to swallow and I know that well. Could be a hunch, could be experience... just take my word for it for now.

See I have in great authority, that you cannot change how a person thinks, no matter how hard you try or no matter how much you want them to. I have witnessed this in my lifetime on numerous occasions while being bullied, peer-pressured or even through self-inflicted "regime change" for the sake of another's happiness. The key rule: Never sacrifice your own happiness. If someone doesn't know how to find it, point the way if you know, but don't insist it's the only way. Reminds me of a great metaphor from a great movie my friend mentioned the other day. "Like a finger pointing the way to the moon... don't concentrate on the finger or you will miss all the heavenly glory".

Kudos for reminding me of this wonderful phrase. You know who you are.

I read a great thing today. I often get confused as to whether or not I am the only person doomed to think so abstractly. It was from astrology, a practice I neither approve or decline in legitimacy. There's only so much you can rubbish once you realise you are on a wet magnetic ball hurtling through space. Anyway, It went like this:

"Why are they[Pisces] so indecisive? Simple. They think and analyze way too much. They have the tendency to consider [ten] alternatives before making a simple decision. Pisces are multi-faceted and it’s not uncommon for them to leave very different or even contradicting impressions to the people around them. That’s because Pisces will actually contemplate about the different personalities they portray to people from the other person’s viewpoint and manipulate that impression so that others don’t misunderstand their intentions"


"they [Pisces] typically have above-average tolerance, and others tend to take advantage of them because it’s so easy. Ironically, Pisces are well aware that they’re being taken advantage of and don’t mind it, because their focus is on happiness, not fairness and equality"

and also

"[Pisces believe] there is no absolute right or wrong in any matter. Instead of judging a situation, the first thing they do is to analyze it. Their goal is not to figure out whether anything was morally correct, but merely to understand why it happened the way it did for their own curiosity. If you were to tell a Pisces friend about a woman cheating on her fiancé with a married man with children, his or her instant reaction could be to question the reason behind her cheating and the nature of her relationships rather than immediately reprimanding or labelling that woman"

and finally

"Their tendency to over-analyze is just a very practical way of utilizing their receptiveness and acute sensitivity, which allow them to reflect on how others think through their own thoughts and emotions. Nobody can outsmart the Pisces in understanding human nature, emotions and relationships"

The reason I have included this tl;dr is because it hits the nail right on the head, no question, as to exactly how I am when it comes to problem solving and life, in general. I don't question another's belief systems, rather, I just try understand them albeit, very intimately. Guess I could make a good spy.

Through all these years of melding, shifting and shaping, I just cannot find my way to be another person, no matter what kind of point of view they may have and no matter how much I respect them or the person who holds 'em. The problem (as some might call it) is that I personally lack any kind of critical nature to discriminate, unless it's inhumane (if someone is being wronfully abused, neglected, tortured etc etc) so usually, bully, peer, friend, rival or other, I end up having tremendous amounts of respect for. What a loser huh?

So I write this bullshit you read so as better to understand the critics who "review" them and usually, it's the critic who inspires it so it becomes a circular thing. It's kinda nice to be a conduit rather than an agressor, I feel. That is not to say I am any better to those I would consider agressors or even the opposite, actually.

How do arguments surface? Difference of opinion. How do they perpetuate? By one side pain-stakingly trying to convert the other side to it's ways or point of view. It sure is funny to watch, but not when you're on each side, unfortunately. That is not to say I'm a spineless neuteral party though. Nah, i suck at that these days. Getting way too old now and too brash to sit and be told how it's done. It's because of this one side/other side... you're wrong/I'm right... always always trying to take advantage, to convert, to support or encourage their argument. So much is lost, so much useful data, so much knowledge all to dictate right from wrong. A subject that is purely relative or ceded to authority, rather than virtue and according to both sides of any argument, seemingly, both sides are wrong. I happen to respect both sides, no matter how gritty. Just doesn't mean I have to agree, mind you. I don't point the finger, honestly. I try to understand the reader, the individual. I allow the reader to point it at me or at themselves. If the glove fits, wear it, criticise. I may be wrong, I may be right and you might hate it. Doesn't matter. It all amounts to something fantastic as far as I'm concerned. You cannot change a person by criticism alone. they have to want to.

After all, you can bring a horse to water... blah blah blah blah blah blah!

Incidentally, if you're interested in the astrology link, I'll show you the way to the site but it will be the Pisces page. I'm sure you can find your own sign handy enough.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Wilful Neglect

They say mankind uses only 10% of their brains

I happen to think it's a lot less than that. We're not using our brains. And we're only using half of our hearts. That's where "half-hearted" comes from, for Christ's sake.

Money has become the substitute for justice and decency, just as it has become the perfect parent to our children.

I don't want to talk about the legal term for "Wilful Neglect" Because to be honest, who do we turn to when we want the law to work in our favour? Lawyers, solicitors and the whole legal profession in general.

The problem with law now, is it's become a business that is as money driven as a huge chain store. Whoever has the money gets the law to swing in their favour. Because big effort for a Lawyer, Barrister or Solicitor is big money. Even look at public defenders being paid by the state. I bet there is great cash in that. They don't even have to do their job properly.

And it's just a job for most. Not a vocation. Not a necessity. Clock-in Clock-out.

Wilful Neglect to me is practised by everyone, not just Law however. I just wanted to have a dig at law because it fails the common man and has us say, pay huge debts back for the filthy rich, let's scumbags off on technicalities, hassles the innocent instead of the blatant offender and always, ALWAYS supports the government in charge, regardless of whether they are virtuous or not.

No government has ever been virtuous, by the way. No wilful human being would watch another suffer regardless of their background or record no matter who they are.

It's wilful neglect. And money is the law.

So how does it effect us? You may not see it unless you look closely. We are all responsible. The Law is only responsible for judging the guilty, regardless of how wealthy they are. We are responsible in making sure our kids do not turn into the lowly scumbag, the wealthy tyrant or even the common thief, albeit a lawyer or a mugger.

We neglect our heart's true intentions. To love, support and honour every man, not just our partner. It extends to our kids, to our cousins, our neighbours and our countrymen. Hell, it extends to mankind as a whole.

When you watch a kid misbehave or suffer and try to quieten it with treats or ignorance - that is wilful neglect.

When you watch a misguided fool treat another badly on the street without intervention - that is wilful neglect.

When you witness injustice on any level and do nothing within your power to avert it - that is wilful neglect.

When you punish the atmosphere knowingly, thinking your contribution won't matter - that is wilful neglect.

When you bully or mistreat a person with physical or mental abuse - that is wilful neglect.

When you bypass a starving or freezing person and pretend you cannot spare enough for a cup of tea regardless of what you think they will spend it on* - That is wilful neglect

Wilful neglect spans all different walks of life and every profession. People with genuine lack of brain power or the genuinely ignorant (those who do not know better) are the only ones with the right to claim wilful neglect because they had no choice in where or how they were born.

The rest of us who do it, aught to be ashamed.

Oh and in my opinion... in my opinion - modern law practice should be disbanded firstly, regulated and then audited by virtuous government so that individuals practising do it for the right reasons only.

Another pipe dream by a couch humanist.

*On this note I feel the good deed is done with whatever you can afford. It's not up to you what anyone spends their money on. If you buy into fad singles charts and fashion I have bad news for you - someone else has decided what you spend your money on. That cup of tea doesn't seem so bad now, does it?

Friday, December 17, 2010


I love how we're always trying to blame someone else.

Every time something goes wrong, it's someone else's fault

Every time we're stuck in traffic, it's someone else's fault

Every time someone upsets us, it's their fault

every time our country screws us for money it's their fault

Well, that one is a bit more complicated. We are to blame for voting for scoundrels, ultimately. But they should't be thieves either. It's a mix 'n' match.

But seriously, we are always blaming others and often the faults are all our own.

"That's the third time that fucker let me down!"

That "fucker" is simply a fucker. You on the other hand, should know better. Your expectation let you down, not said fucker. We are all fuckers in fact. Just because one of us does a little more than the other fucker, does not mean we are any better. Often we are so sad to be human that we try surpass that skin puzzle by thinking we are better than being human. All skin bags are fuckers because we are all fallible in the same way. We are all human and we all defy the expectations of the next skin bag. You should have as much leeway for this afformentioned fucker as the fucker has for you. Obviously we are not enlightened to the fact that we do not deserve expectations.

It's OK to trust someone you know well. Did we forget that we only trust someone we know to be reliable? Trust is easy to lose and fucking hard to gain. We are in fact to blame for giving away trust so easily. Remember, you can still befriend someone without having too much trust in them.

And when you're frustrated because traffic is not moving... big fucking deal. Traffic was not made for you, you decided to be there, for better or worse. Remember, your mortgage keeps you in the car which is in the jam. That mortgage didn't choose you, you chose it. You are there by choice, not the other way around. So you are trying to offset your expectations on some other hapless bozo in the same mess as you are. And you both chose to be there.

"Oh the poor economy, it's bollocksed because of the government/bankers/ etc.

Granted, some didn't know anything was wrong, but if you did know something was up and voted 'em in regardless or you had any knowledge something was going on and didn't do anything about it, you are just as much to blame as those who did it. You allowed it. You should be ashamed, really. Even if you offset the responsibility to someone else, you should be ashamed all the same. I know who I voted for. Once responsibility comes into the game, then blame can only be utilised when justice is jeopardised. Another debate for another time perhaps.

In fact no one can point the finger at anyone. We are all "guilty" as the next human for making mistakes. No human, big, small, fat, thin, young, old, rich or poor has any more right to blame than the other.

(Arguably, so long as we are in fact more than a few cells with no conscience)


* how can you be "guilty" of something you have no control over. I dunno. What a completely rubbish word in this instance.

Blah blah blah


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Theory of Love II

You cannot have love without having strength

Similarly, you cannot have strength without love

It's true, it's true, it's true. And I will contest it right here

Some people seem to be under the illusion that love contains some sort of submission or compromise.

I call bullshit. Nobody in a loving relationship should submit or compromise at all.

Think about what compromise means. I'll give you the dictionary term: a settlement of differences 
by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by 
adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc 
by reciprocal modification of demands.

It sounds to me like both parties have to "give up" or agree to "quit one each" on what they enjoy out of life. Why would you love anybody who makes you quit what you want to do? Why would you expect someone to stop doing something they want for you? Love is not selfish. If you want to be loved, don't be selfish or it'll turn bad in some way shape or form. Love accepts all, it does not "compromise". That just sounds like "better you than nothing at all". Fuck my high expectations, hey?

And submission... Why would you expect someone who you submit to to love you? And why would you expect someone who submits to you to love you? The first one is insecurity. How can you confidently love someone if you yourself are insecure enough to suppress a person? It's like the guy who loses an argument so he punches you. Gotta win somehow! And why should someone who submits to your whims  love you either? That is just dependence or fear of being alone. If you get joy out of bossing someone around and they leave you, don't be surprised. And if you aren't confident in yourself, you will never love someone. No person is the slave of another, or lesser for any reason. "Slave" might be a rough term, but it is true. You submit, you serve. No one appreciates a skivvy. That is why the slave thinks they are a slave, because they will earn love, freedom or reward. But they never do, do they? That is why they stay a slave. They are never loved so they want to keep serving. They are never rewarded with freedom. If you think you are in a loving relationship and you in fact know you are submissive, then it is not love because it is not mutual respect and control. It is one sided. Love is not one-sided.

So, why do I write this? Well to be honest, it's taken me 14 or 15 years and some failed or bad relationships to understand what love is. I don't write it from any position or with ire in my heart. What would be the point? Some people feel that love is some kind of emotion but that is not true. Love just is. It is some kind of binding force. It has many emotions tied into it. It's not one like "loss" or "hurt" or "dependence" or "fear of isolation" (gotta love someone or you'll be alone!). In fact you can love anyone or anything, any time, once you let go of the ideas you have. Love is really simple like that.

If you are truly "In love" you will in fact encourage others to be strong, confident, sure of goals, truthful, direct, honest, forthright, etc etc. You can love anyone who is virtuous. You might cling onto someone "nice" because you believe if they exhibit true strength, they will be loveable. But you know, deep in your soul if they don't, the game is up. Some people put up with a deck that is less than full and therefore drain all the strength from their loving relationship. Sometimes you gotta be strong even when you know it's a lost cause. You can love someone by leaving them. It's true.

So what is Love? Hell, I dunno. If I did, I would not be human. I share the common downfall of all skinbags. I don't know what it is, but I know what it isn't.

Love won't drive you to tears
Love won't keep you living in fear
Love is not doubt, or lack of devotion
It's full of understanding, It's vast
Love is an ocean

Love is free and not cruel
Love lets both the head and heart rule
Love is mutual strength and power
It stands tall and strong 
Understands and does not devour

Yeah I made it up, big fucking deal.

Listen: You gotta be strong to love somebody. If that lucky somebody is receiving your love properly, they will gain strength from it. You cannot push someone who is full of love around. They won't take it. If they don't get it from you, I mean real love, then they will go.

And you should let them.

PS: I don't do drugs :P

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

10 Reasons to use Facebook

I just want to say that social network sites are ideal for people with zero social life... it gives them somewhere to start. What's everyone else's excuse? I don't know... but one of these is bound to be right.

1. Tell people something they don't want to know

This is my favourite of all. When you write something completely uninteresting to the rest of mankind. Social lives are so-called because they are social... things you do in the presence of other people. So that disqualifies anything you do in your own time as being social. That is why you go to the toilet, do the gardening, shower and sleep by yourself or at least with one other person. No one else wants to be there so they do not want the gory details.

2. Give out in a very ambiguous way about your friends

Nothing says "I don't agree with you" more than ambiguously blaming "a lot of people" about annoying you about something in particular. So often is the social network platform used for blanket-bombing all of your friends in one go. Yeah yeah, this could be regarded as the same thing but I'm not denying it, just acknowledging it. Where else can you slag off every Liverpool fan all at once? Where else can you acknowledge that you dislike someone's character trait without pointing the finger and saying "I DON'T LIKE YOU!" Where else can you call all those without cash peasants and only upset 50% of your friends? Where else can you join "groups" that all your friends are informed you are in without actually admitting that you are a bit of a tit? Social network sites! They give us room to vent... aren't they marvellous?

3. Hijack status updates

This is a close runner with ambiguous finger pointing because how often do you say something in jest (or not) and then find that someone who is not your friend or someone who can see your posts victimising themselves and ranting away for 30+ posts or so? Yes, I am guilty too, or actually was. You know when you've typed "they told me I have cancer and there trying everything they can to help" and the First post is some pedant saying "Haha, you said there! It's they're!" We're all guilty on some level. I try confine mine to just the odd double-entendres whenever possible. Everyone appreciates a bit of dirty humour where it wasn't intended after all.

4. Befriend someone because they are hot

What better way to perv over someone and get away with it is there than making them a "friend"? You have all the freedom to gawk without a single word of disagreement. C'mon... you have at least one friend you fancy, don't you?

5. Use it to brag about your education or to brag in general

It never ceases to amaze me how much people hate their education. Or so you would believe on the surface. I think that some people use the social network to say "look at me! I'm studying something!". It doesn't matter really whether you enjoy it or not, what matters is, no one really cares what you're studying or how much you hate it or love it. You want people to know how clever you are! It's all about competition and confidence really. You sit on your arse wishing there was something to do with your time so you don't feel like a loser and you see your friend's announcement that they are taking college so you feel left out and do it too. You may realise after a while that you hate it, you may realise that you love it, but no one cares how you feel about it, generally. If you don't want to write reports or essays or do exams, then don't go to college. It's that simple. For those with genuine interest, I salute you, honestly. 
If you love printers and want to study the ins and outs of them, do it. No problem. But please do not talk about it while we are out socialising because chances are, if there are 10 people in the group, one or maybe two people will actually care for about five minutes about it, then you are blowing hot air and melting the brain of your friends. Why do you study alone and go to class alone? Because it's not social. If you wanna talk business, talk to your classmates. 

6. Stalk your friends and friends of friends

You know when someone wants more info on you they can just visit your page, don't you? Name? Check. City? Check. Phone Number or Email address? Check. Photos? Check. Everything you need for a good stalking, right there. Remember too, if you're having a status conversation, unless you are set to private (and most times, even if you're not) People you are "friends" with can still see your shit. Just be careful what you say because the social network stalkers are out there and they are not who you think they are. Some just want a story, some just want to watch you burn, but all of them want information you do not want them to have, or information you think is harmless. You have been warned!!

7. Post links to music you like, thereby punishing others who don't like it

Post links to music that no one else likes. Do it just so people can see how different you are! Just remember you are unique... just the same as everyone else! Post links to videos that piss some people off. No better way to say "I don't want to be your friend any more" than putting something bigoted or prejudiced up. Put up links to your stuff that no one wants (cough cough) and make sure you tag everyone in it. Show someone your bad/good taste in music because hey, everyone who is linked to you deserves it, right?

8. Realise that you don't talk to certain people any more because you have nothing in common

Social networking is great because you eventually (if you have't already) see why you and your old friends, colleagues and such parted ways... your interests changed. You see how they like one thing and you like the other. You see that you drifted and the gap between you has been filled with things you don't care to know about. You know, this is quite normal. It's OK to want to know how much better off or worse off, people you knew now are. It's fine if they are still learning or stuck in that dead-end job you used to share years ago, because even if you are not their friend any more, it still makes you feel good to scoff at your differences. Viva le Facebook! Making you procrastinate, yet feel better about it. 

9. Substitute your real social life for it. 

Social networking has become the reason nobody comes out any more. Why feel the need?? You know exactly what all your friends are up to all of the time! It eliminates the need to do the social and instead makes the antisocial, social. Suddenly what you found in your bin, how bad your hair-brushing went and how terrible you feel about you essays becomes significant in defining social behaviour. Why hug your friend who you haven't seen in months when you can just poke them? You don't want to meet for drinks because all the information you needed is right there on your pc or laptop. "Chatting" is the new lunch meeting. Gossip is now shared on the network than by word of mouth. Why confirm what you already know? Friends become pictures and text. Judgement and conclusions become simply defined as you abandon friendship for the computer screen. 

"That's good, cuz like I'm studying computers and you'll be like keeping me in business, lol roflmao"

10. Bonus! - you have slight OCD and cannot stop logging in.

But all of those aside. You may just be addicted to procrastination. Maybe you just want to add the mundane because it's more important than studying, more important than leaving the house because you are tired, your stalking binoculars are broken, it's one hour until your favourite TV show, you are afraid of speaking to the opposite sex, I dunno, it could be a multitude of things. Maybe you just don't want to assert yourself as much as you'd like to and you just want to check that you are not alone in it. It's fine. I'm sure 99% of people are the same... I know I am. If I am not procrastinating here, I'm on some other site maybe looking up a wiki or trolling someone or something. Procrastination is a bad habit and is passed on easily. In fact, the only reason I'm writing this is so I'm not procrastinating and ironically enough, I'm procrastinating playing a game and eating by doing this. It's strange really.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Don't Blame The Ignorant

I have been thinking about this one quite hard recently, as in, I have been thinking about it for a few days now... not so much actively, but rather ticking the boxes whenever it occurred to me.

Once you are aware, that is it... you are fully aware of everything, always. It has to be a concentrated effort to completely ignore something you think is hinky or wrong, within your own scope of principle.

It's hard to explain, but like one day during my late adolescence, I suddenly realised that I was actively aware of my own existence. It was like I was born again, but this time with a conscience and presence. I was freaked out and used to get frequent panic attacks for a year or two. POV used to give me a right old scare all together. I honestly don't understand it fully. But eventually, I became very sensitive to the world around me. I realised all these feelings and things that were somewhat unimportant before.

Roll it forward a few years. I'm still trying to understand them from a very basic perspective. The world s interesting and strange and very very limited, well, at least thought and understanding is. People are poor and sick, people are rich and selfish and sometimes, people just want to harm or kill other people for no reason that seems justifiable.

It could be said that there are few folks out there who recognise these patterns. Often, it is the disadvantaged or spiritual types who notice the imbalance between the fortunate and the impoverished. Usually the common person does not recognise illness or crime until it happens to someone close to them. How many times have you seen a celebrity back a disease foundation just because their own family has been stricken by it? That is not to say this is a bad thing... it's great when someone who is wealthy gives to a noble cause that could benefit millions. Unfortunately that is the problem... no one allows themselves the awareness it takes to realise that there is always a fragile thread between doing OK and fringing on circumstance that can directly harm your being or someone whom you care about. I honestly do not believe that it's only few who recognise misfortune, I believe everyone does. It's not easy to ignore those collecting for concern on street corners, is it? Hell, I'm guilty of that one myself. Sometimes a little ignorance goes a long way.

And this is what I am driving at. I mean, years ago, I just became aware... I dunno, of feelings and thoughts and genuinely thought there was something wrong with me for being sensitive. But after a two years or something and secretly trying to fish for similarities between myself and others, found out that in fact, everyone was the same.... some with just a different threshold for ignoring things than others.

For a while, I thought that this was the downfall of humanity... that there was a lack of awareness for those in less fortunate circumstances than others. Hell, I never thought of wanting to help the asthma society until I lost a fiend to asthma. Let me tell you, there is nothing that raises your awareness more to a cause than losing someone you care about to it.

But perhaps the ignorant are just trying to lead a peaceful or enjoyable existence? This is what I've been thinking lately. You cannot walk down the road without breathing someone's secondary cigarette smoke, You cannot cross the street without breathing exhaust fumes and you probably will not get through the next weekend without sampling some alcohol. Who can blame someone for talking to you and blowing smoke in your face? They assume that you want to live a guilt free life too! And why not? I chose my poison this weekend willingly. So that means I'm a player in the game of ignorance too.

 And you know, some people really work hard for their money. They work every damn day. They cut throats just like their peers and colleagues, they walk the road of the last heartless CEO in order to put bread on the table (albeit a very expensive loaf) and because they ignored the needs of their rivals in securing their high end job, because ignorance is tough, do they not deserve to hoard the spoils of their success? It's only fair to completely ignore those in lesser circumstances when you've used so much emotional energy to climb onto your throne. Leave them alone! Stop victimising the ignorant!

Because you see, in order to survive as a species, we must not help those who need it... we must become ignorant of certain things too in order to succeed. We must trample on the weak to become strong ourselves. We must take all we can get and leave nothing behind, so that our children and their children can survive on our amassed wealth and not really learn how hard it was to acquire.

It's hard work being aware of the many pitfalls that humanity has. I don't blame the ignorant for flouting them all to get where they are. Why not get paid for hard work and worry about nobody? It will surely guarantee the survival of your genes, that's for true. Later, you can teach your kids that simply attending church absolves you of any real responsibility to actually try to help to those who need it. Maybe that is why evolution and religion don't mix well. It's too close to home. Maybe the religious recognise that using religion to ignore suffering is just the same as the phasing out the genes of those who don't do the exact same as they do. Eventually the false morality of putting your hands together rather than actually using them to benefit others will catch on and only the strong will survive. It's ironic really.

Of course that is not to say that it's only the religious who are ignorant. There are plenty who just don't give a f**k in general. We are all guilty in some way, shape, or form  of ignoring the needs of others or ignore our own contribution to matters that affect humanity in a negative way. I mean there are things like Global warming, refugee programmes, jobs that we feel we're too important to do but blame "the foreigners" for taking anyway, we let out kids become little f**kers  by not teaching them or watching over them properly, (I edited this one out because some people are too sensitive), we read articles that rant about generally unimportant things... the list goes on really and I have barely even scratched the surface.

I want to join the ranks too. It's just so damn frustrating.

*Incidentally, I do not seek to tar all religious people with one brush. There are many millions of people who follow organised religion that actually do go forth to help their fellow man. I don't care about their reasons for believing, but I do understand and respect them nonetheless. It is my humble opinion that people do not need to have an excuse for helping others through religious organisation, but I recognise that it is a good stepping stone to doing some good for the world. My gripe is with those who typically say "yeah well I pray for the disadvantaged so my work is done. Now I'm off to Barbados on my yacht for three weeks. I'll be sure to check in with the "Big Man" to see how things are going" - yeah thanks a lot mate. Now do you actually want to physically or financially contribute? I've never seen a prayer feed a family to this day, but I've seen a couple of Euro do the job.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Moody Brood Dude

Ok, yeah this subject again

Well I am pushing thirty and there is no question that whatever females I happen to be closely surrounded by are either going to be badgering me, or fellas I know to start filling 'em with baby ingredients.

Oh come on! that is not offensive! Bottom line is, it's the truth... the horrible sticky foul smelling truth.

Our ancestors began as primordial goo and our friends, parents, siblings, peers and idols all came from the same stuff. It's just goo. No need to be afraid!

Now deal with it.

So yeah, I love sex. Just as much as any other guy. I like to think that it's something fun to do, to pass the long hours of the day or night. Years ago, I thought that it was just guys who were horny as fuck and that we would be lucky to find a female who would match our libido. I was wrong. Sometimes it's really really good to be wrong, especially about the right kinda things. Men are driven by instinct mostly. Eating, sex and competition are all pick of the day. Plus many of us like to spread our love around, because we are so competitive that we want to propagate as much as possible, our delicious genes.

Fortunately, our female counterparts like us to want to do that, but not with many females, just with them... which is fair enough I suppose. I always admired the phrase "to be a great liar you must also have a great memory". Lying and therefore, sleeping around is just too much Goddamn effort if you have even a slight speck of loyalty. Anyway, before I head off on another tangent and to cut a long story short, females like sex as much, if not more than us guys... because that's how humanity has survived for so long blah blah blah. So now that the obvious is out of the way, I will get down to what I actually wanted to talk about.

Just this next decade of broody madness I'm likely to face.

First of all I just want to ask... is there anyone else out there who maybe feels that we're overlooking something here? I mean I can understand why people want families, after all I am human too. But when I look around at the sheer numbers of newborns coming into the world every day I wonder.

I remember a good friend showed me a site where you could check all of the worlds statistics in real-time. You could see how many people up to the minute, but in the last 24 hours, had died. You could see how many were born and you could see all sorts of other stuff on it too. The same friend waved a good point in my direction when I was in my bitter nihilistic stage that it was good to bring new kids into the world to teach them how to be good people to counteract the bad. This has stayed with me and I agree with him 100% now. But see I also know that a glass is never just half-full... it also must be half-empty too. Optimism is good... I am optimistic enough. But only about real things. more of a realist really. it's kind of a curse at the best of times, because when presented with such ideas like childbirth and especially as an "accident", how the person must adapt to it or the child suffers. Sometimes this child is left without parents because the parents cannot cope. In fact there is a multitude of reasons a kid might end up orphaned so i always asked myself: "why create a new child when there are so many out there already without families?"

I guess one answer is that people know themselves so well, their families and extended families, that they know how their genes are likely to behave. They don't want to take a chance on a strange baby because it might exhibit symptoms or characteristics that they are not in control of or aware of fully. There is the responsibility of creating a child, but not of monitoring that which you cannot predict, like was the father a rapist or psychopath? Was the mother a junkie? you already know. Your responsibility is diminished slightly without you even knowing about it. Because evolution rules that only the strongest genes survive. You know that this theory could easily splinter from basic evolution. Well it's just a thought. But a compelling one, I find. My life is full of compelling thoughts as you may have noticed. Well compelling for me, at least. That is not to say that I assume they overpower you! But imagine this: an orphan may have a negative idea of the world when it's primary adolescent/adult thought is "I was abandoned by my own family once". OK, I'm not saying 100% of orphaned/adopted kids feel this, but there is a chance. A high chance. Make a new kid to counteract all the negative parent-less kids eh? I dunno, just a thought, albeit a dangerously satirical one.

Anyway, there are more like this. I know the Matt extended family gene pool is not going thin any time soon, so it reduces the need. However, there is still sex and sex is enjoyable. But I also realise that the type of woman interested in me is interested in my genes, above all. So that could be a thought unwelcome in my head as things are "happening". It ain't all in the motion or ability lads, it's the person involved!

There are louts in society. That is to say, there are victims of certain circumstances in society. I don't know how everyone can overlook such a lack of virtue in the modern age. Such lack of responsibility. Lack of basic human rights. Why bring a child into a world that doesn't take care of their kin? That doesn't take care of each other? I find it hard to accept creating a family unless I "get past" certain things:

* The world is crazy. Until it feels comfortable crazy and not harrowing crazy, I am not comfortable creating a being who gets no say in the matter

* Why choose a fresh life over a life that had no choice but is suffering as a result?

* Why throw basic virtues aside just to propagate my own selfish ends? Social responsibility anyone?

* Basically, I cannot look after myself at all, let alone a mini-me. So that's that idea out the window.

Unfortunately, the downsides to holding onto principles is that often you end up doing it all by yourself. And it's not like I blame anyone else or even want to to be honest. A great man once told me that pride and fear are mankind's two biggest obstacles in life. I agree. Often I ask myself if one of these two are in fact the father of my ideas of creation. I have also been asked, is it a product of something that happened when I was growing up. In simple terms, I love my family. I respect and understand them completely, no questions asked. I have observed hardships and happiness in equal measure. I would take it 1000 times more without hesitation. There is no fear and definitely no pride to be observed either. So that idea is out the window. I have nothing to be proud of per se, except the basic ideas I live by. Maybe pride is my obstacle. Perhaps my ideas are too ideal. I dunno.

Until I feel socially responsible enough not to the height of my expectation, but to the same merits that my being truly believes, then I may be ready one day. I may flout some beliefs slightly if there is one that would accommodate me. But I will not bring in another player to the game so long as I feel the rules are not being followed.

Anyway, that being said, It's just another thought process, not a conclusion.

so here's a Nice song :) to play us out!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Hope vs Nature

People live in hope. And I don't just mean some people. Most everyone lives with a thought at the back of their minds that things will in fact get better for themselves just through the power of imagination.

This improvement in circumstance doesn't always consist of things going positively. We can hope that say a murderer, finds his or her comeuppance in a prison or by someone who is much worse than they are. We hope sometimes that we may win a lottery jackpot or that the football team we support but are not part of, will win. When a particularly foolish person makes a choice that the majority of us find favourable, we are moved to use the phrase "there is hope for him yet". That is to say that this person is reforming and perhaps getting a little smarter by sheer chance. We rely on hope a bit too much I think. After all, it is that which moves the very cars in front of you during a bad traffic jam. The power of the mind is indeed a force to be reckoned with. Well, so it seems. Hate to be the person who says "I told you so", but when that stroke of good fortune blows in favour of my short fuse I'll do just that. After all, I hoped it would happen, didn't I?

Or maybe hope is what we use to cover the fact that we are just at the mercy of nature. Are we not of nature, after all? In fact to say that mankind is natural and that we should in fact live life naturally implies that yes, we are indeed at the mercy of good 'ol mother nature. Mother nature... the very uttering of this name shows how comfortable we like to think we are in it's presence. Nature nurtures us like our big 'ol mama... if she were a serial killer and could command a tsunami. If we are a product of nature, our "hope" can never really better it... or can it?

Maybe we want to ignore a person's nature by hoping that they will change. Maybe we can't face that this traffic jam is going nowhere fast and therefore would rather occupy our minds with the constant hope that it will move because we want it to. I'm sure all those others in all those cars feel the same way. Why doesn't it move then? All that hope has gotta be worth something, right? Perhaps the other team has stronger players and we maybe, just picked the wrong side? One can indeed hope that one can fly a plane plummeting into the sea, but we stand a much better chance learning the art of flying than relying on chance. There is no hope of chance leaning in our favour really. Or maybe there is. I'm sure a book keeper would like your cash, when you're ready. We hope and pray that those gunmen will release the hostages. The people who follow their good nature to the point of justice will make sure of it. Hope doesn't really help them, action does. When we pit our hopes against the bad actions of others, quite often we find it was in vain. When those miners got trapped in that hole hope didn't rescue them... people with good nature did. Because you know nature doesn't have any intentions, but it usually ends up all right in the end. We cope. Because right at the centre of that angry nature that wants traffic to move because you don't want to miss Coronation Street, we have a good one, that stops us massacring those between the telly and our good selves.

We hope things won't happen again, but it does not stop nature. As with humans, nature is a product of nurture... if we are nurtured just right, we may find ourselves at the helpful end of humanity. We will be more patient, understanding of circumstances and generally more virtuous.

But it's just an Ideal theory, right?

 I hope so.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Ladies: I love you

It's hard to admit when you're wrong about something but today I will do that.

My ideas on feminism were somewhat obscured. I'm here to correct that.

I would actually happen to be a feminist of sorts myself. I fucking love women. That being said, I guess I'm just humanist or whatever qualifies one as being unbiased.

Women raised me and women make up the numbers of some of my best friends. I have some of my best conversations with the Ladies in my life. I hate to see the mistreatment of women and the exploitation of women. I believe as opposite sexes, men and women deserve equal opportunities and the same status in society.

I believe either sex is entitled to use their strengths to their own advantage without being manipulated by their weaknesses.

That being said, any sexual violation or mistreatment both physical and psychological toward any human being in my eyes is inherently wrong.

I realise that what I wrote last night could come across as a little ignorant and I hate to think I would ever come off that way about anything. My mind is as open as the issue of fair treatment of all human beings. Every day there seems to be some new human rights violation of some sort. The idea that females would be kept down by chauvanistic backward males is a subject that irks me entirely.

So I would just like to say that if I have said anything that was offensive or maybe misguided in my posts I am open to discuss and understand them a  little more. I do have theories of my own, but they are of understanding themselves and not finalising a narrow perspective by any means. What I seek to do is understand the common human being on all levels.

However, that is not an excuse for writing anything offensive, so if you do happen to see such a thing please let me know.


Are We Learning Yet?

Funny one this

I have been able to stand by and watch people I know (and people I don't) go through the steps of making the same mistakes over and over again. In fact, It's one of the reasons I have been able to write all this bullshit you see before you for almost a year now. Since the youngest memory I have, I have been watching how things were done by others and tried my best to avoid the worst outcome in a situation myself. It has been a mixed blessing though to be honest. Where one has failed at something, I have also failed at that thing in another way... but in other cases, I could only watch cynically as some events unfolded and then avoided the consequences by just not partaking or else just been aware the whole time. I'm not saying this is smart or anything. I mean if I were to call it something it's maybe "guarded" or "careful". I like to think that I am methodical in my approach to certain things and extremely careful. However, I have also been known to be tactless and a little gullible in other circumstances. But life being what it is, I have made efforts to learn, whether the approach was careful or trusting.

I am only human though and not even middle aged, so some things just end up baffling me on an ongoing basis as I don't have the knowledge to even recognise what is going on at all most of the time. But from this limited perspective, I will let you in on the few things that absolutely mess my brain up at times when trying to understand 'em. Am I alone? I don't fucking know. I do know that no man is an island though, so I could not be out here, drifting alone thinking all this shit by myself. Anyway, without any more scribe's wankings, here are some things that I find baffling:


Why do people still take copious amounts of weird drugs? I have in good authority, as do most of you, that various people have gotten fucked up on acid, many more end up with paranoia and a few schizophrenia from weed, people getting fucked-off on junk and a plethora of other side effects from other weird drugs... people robbing homes and innocent bystanders in order to feed their habits.


Well it's fair to say teenagers are thick. But we all need a platform to learn from. OK, that is cool and I understand and reason that myself. SO why do those who know Heroin is addictive and Cocaine is addictive still continue to take loads, oblivious to it's knock-on effects? Come on! They are not new drugs! We know what happens with over indulgence! Are we learning yet? Are we seriously so ignorant?

Substance Abuse

I thought I would expand onto alcohol and aerosols, not to mention steroids and cigarettes. Why do people still think this isn't bad for you? Cigarettes cause cancer - fact. Alcohol can lead to depression or anger issues... actually it can lead to lots of stuff that is unpleasant. Steroids are not good for you in the long term. Aerosols can kill instantly... yet people are still doing this stuff, thinking they will be grand. honestly, it is either completely dumb or ignorant. Hell, I am guilty of it myself. But what the shit... Why do we do it?


My pet peeve since primary school. Physical, emotional, psychological, domineering and peer pressure bullying to name but a few. Honestly, some people don't know they are doing it and I feel for 'em. Because sometimes I come out of a situation and think "wow, I was a bit tough there!" But folks who know they are doing it? I mean constantly? Hitting people, mocking them, thinking they are superior and actually expressing it in person? For fuck's sake, where is your compassion? Teachers, girlfriends, drinking buddies, colleagues, friends... we all do it on some level. Some of us just try to chance our arm, see what we can get away with and then stop when we know enough is enough.... but some people, I swear... I have no time for them at all. I have actually blanked some people on the long-term because I feel they are incapable of learning that they are doing something wrong. OK, some folks are brought up that way... their parents are bullies, maybe even some of their friends. DO YOU NOT HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN? DO YOU HAVE ANY COMPASSION YOURSELF, NO? They make people who are different to them feel sub-human. Honestly, if you are going around lacking compassion for your fellow man I have news for you... YOU ARE YOURSELF SUB-HUMAN. Compassion is a basic human trait. If you lack it, I'm afraid you don't make the grade.

Oh, the irony!


There are guys out there who want to plant their seed and go. They think a quick fuck is the future and feel dominance for the fact that a woman gets nothing from the sexual encounter. Lads, you need to learn that the world is populated by two sexes. And in fact, if you appreciate sex at all, you wll at least show decency and return the "favour". You will find that the feeling of good sex gets multiplied 100% by actually trying to please your partner.
The other thing that baffles me is how feminists think that both the sexes are somehow identical, Like as if men and women were the "same" as if we feel the same feelings, react the same way to situations. We are not. I have ranted this before to a large degree. I have tried, sweated, worried that maybe I was a complete freak of nature, only to find out that there is an overestimation on either side as to how the other actually responds to any situation. I have tried my best to understand women on all levels. Yet if we were the "same"" I would not have to waste a minute. It's complicated, it really is. Now I understand that there is difference that cannot be obsessed over and that the way forward is acceptance, rather than calculated diversity. However, we are built differently, function differently and apart from staple stuff like eating, sex and disposing of waste, we actually require different stuff mentally, emotionally and if you are a female battling a biological clock, physically. Why do some people refuse to acknowledge this?


Why do we expect so much past the common person's word? I mean the word that we give each other as to what intentions we have to meet the basic necessities of a relationship both friendly and personal? Why these dreamed up, ideal scenarios? Why do we compete others against our friends without their knowledge? You know, what if I cooked up an ideal scenario involving someone that had no idea I was doing it? I understand that if a promise is made it must be met with all the power you have at your disposal. In fact I learned this one the hard way and am no saint. I fuck up quite regularly. But I am learning. And I have no doubt you do too. But what of those who don't? you know those who just keep raising your expectations? Why do some people continue to make and have expectations about those who clearly don't give a shit? Hell, even those that do are entitled to change their minds any time, right? Or are you supreme dictator of situations??


None of us have the right to raise our expectations of another, just as we have no right to break promises ourselves. This might seem a conundrum but there is a grey line... the one where we go ahead dreaming up a situation on expectation and not from plan but on the premise that we become dependent on another. This is something I am watching and still trying to understand. I can only assume one shouldn't think they know someone fully ever, because I myself find that I am let down often. Is it my expectations, or is it that other feel they no longer feel they have an obligation? But then why say you will when you won't do it? There is such thing as human error, that is allowed. Those who don't learn... what is going on, ey?

The thing is this, so long as we don't have this unrealistic expectation of one another then everything is pretty good. I guess in some way, shape or form the truth becomes harder for some people to tell as time goes by. But why? It seems like a basic right for anyone. If you used it a little, you wouldn't have to let people down, therefore destroying the false image that you were ever really reliable. Why bother to create the image for another anyway if it was false to begin with?


Thursday, December 2, 2010

Change The World

More than one person in my life has asked me this question: "how will you change the world today?"

At first I didn't know how to warm up to this one... I am one man, with no "qualifications" to speak of. How the hell am I supposed to do that??

So I told myself, if I was to settle on this massive question I was indeed going to have to do something in order to get a grip on this place and form it with my own two hands.

But there is only so much stuff you can move around by yourself, isn't there?

Sure, you can transform a little plot of land and build a home - or many on this "borrowed" terrain.

Then what? You haven't really changed much, you've just blocked your view. View on the landscape and reality. You cannot see as far any more, at least in all directions - physically or mentally. Because what is a home? Bricks and mortar and a few people you care about inside. You haven't changed anything, just narrowed your scope to a few people and some stones- essentially. You have changed your perspective, in a manner of speaking.

I don't get distracted much by this kinda stuff, as you already know.

Anyway, I was thinking again... "how might I change the world?" Geographically, I hadn't a hope in hell. I am not superman, so I cannot spin it the opposite way, so I decided to change it politically.

But here's the problem with politics - It doesn't change much at all unless people start getting fucked over. Let's face it, we always do and we all know that we do by those in power, no surprise there. So essentially, unless the majority of voters agree with you, you are not changing anything. Politics itself is a very focused utilitarian system. At the moment it only cares about those rich enough to support it's policies. If you haven't got the readies, it's not gonna do jack shit for you. Ironically, your vote could change something if it were used properly.. but who are you going to vote for? Last time I checked, we have two identical centre-right parties who hold majority (at last electorial count it was FF at 40%, FG at 25%) and two lousy left parties who were Labour at 10% and Sinn Féin at something like 5%. The rest are irrelevant as far as I'm concerned. So politically you are changing nothing unless everyone decides they aren't right wing any more. Fat fucking chance. politics works on two levels: It makes the rich richer and the poor poorer. That is capitalist democracy and socialism 101 for you right there. And suppose you started your own social democracy? The ones on top would still get greedy. Us humans, we like to collect things, for whatever reason. The favourite is money above all and we just cannot stop collecting it!  Our prized possession is our cash, so we don't want to give it away! Nooooo sir! Gold is by far, the worst discovery we ever made. Damn 3rd generation sun!

So, I now realised that I wasn't physically capable of moving mountains and was not wealthy or educated enough to build a home and support it financially. I certainly wasn't spoiling my vote on right-wing politics that favours the rich, one of which I am not, or making the 10% a 10.0000000000000001% on the side of Labour. So how was I going to change the world? Was I going to have children?

No. Having kids doesn't change anything. rather than go off on one, I just want to say that I consider wanting kids to be incredibly selfish, as you already know. So you can find the edited rant here.
Suffice to say, I do understand people's reasons why they want them. I understand why and I am not against every human doing it. It's just not for me, personally.

So, I was not going to change the world physically. I was not going to do it politically, nor was I going to get involved myself. I certainly do not want to introduce another life into a world that is constantly hard or at least, until it is made safe. But not everyone has the same opinion as me. Though life is hard, I know just how to treat it. I have found my own personal balance. Anything crazy like the above just upsets the motion. What was I going to do to "change" it though? People seem to be obsessed with this... What is my role?

I realised that I didn't want to change it anyway. I like the world just as it is. Life is good for me now. It ain't easy, but it's okay. I'm not competitive nor am I particularly unrealistically ambitious. Between what I do here (sweet fuck all in the grand scheme, in the personal, more than enough) and what I want to do I think I will be busy for a while. I know that there are less than fortunate people out there, just as there are those who are greedy and un-supportive. I spend my time somewhat in leisure and the other part, trying to help those around me as best as I can. I don't ask for much simply because I don't want it or know I don't need it. Expectations are low, but my mood is high always.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.


*again, I hate this word.