Often-times I miss out because I didn't follow my gut. I have missed out on opportunities when I was growing up because I didn't speak up. I have missed out as I got older too. It took me four years to pluck up the courage to ask a girl out once. It didn't work out but we stayed really good friends. But it took a really long time to figure that one out. I'll never get that time back again. Funny thing is, I wouldn't change it if I could. Of course this is totally relative now, but it's still worth a mention. I wish I'd had the courage to do it sooner and just take the opportunity when it came up. But such is life. I don't regret it, I just became a better person as a result. That is kinda priceless I reckon. Anyway.
Lesson learned? You bet.
So I have become a little more impulsive as I have gotten older. Big weekends and days out still take some planning, but I don't place a lot of expectation in those things so I don't really lose if they fall through. I mean I can always just do something else impromptu. That's my word of the month; "Impromptu". Any kind of human relationship however, should be a little more than impromptu and a little less rationalised. Just take a few chances. There are plenty more fish in the sea as they say. It's not hard to find a balance. If you think they are fun and can handle their worst without going insane and you have good chemistry, knock yourself out and enjoy the ride for however long it lasts. It's only companionship, it's not death. As long as you are alive you are capable of finding a companion. Those are good f*cking odds. No pun intended.
I have thought actively, up until last February, about going to college. But That is a lot of reasoning about something I should want to do if I want to further my education. But in what? And will I stay doing it? Will I want to spend four years in college?
Exactly. Lesson learned? Off course!*
So anyway, without going into example after example and going on and on, I've been thinking about the stages of ambition and determination and also, the three tiers of denial. Basically, I've been thinking about over-thinking. Actually that is a lie... I wrote the title for this blog and just started typing. I have just decided now that that is what I want to talk about. So read on if that intrigues you.
Ok, so as far as I'm concerned, there are three divisions in your psyche when it comes to making choices. The first one is the impulsive or intuitive decision, the second is the rational or reasoned decision and the third is the rotten stale decision.
They are divided up between true, captured and regretful. That is the desired decision, the mind decision and the heart decision.
The first decision is made on the spot or usually when the situation presents itself. For example, if I were to make a decision based on something I want now, I would be to a ticket office and would be leaving on a big ol' jet plane by November. If the money was there, I'd be dust in the wind.
I now place this decision to my mind and rationalise it. I am going to go, just as soon as I have enough money. My rationalising mind will try look for reasons why I shouldn't go and also for reasons I should just go and not care.
If I do not act upon this impulse or reasoned decision, It will be committed to heart and it will fester there until I do something about it. Like any steaming pile of sh*t, it will eventually rot and stagnate and I will be left feeling unwell and will have to deal with moving it on, in all it's unpleasantness later.
So what is the best decision? In my opinion, the first decision you make is usually the right one. You make mistakes and bad choices in the mean time and then you end up doing it anyway. Or else you suffer your decision not to and all reason gets wasted. But of course that is my opinion, not yours. OK, you can reason why like saying "Aw, but when I get back I'll have no money" or "My cousin is getting married and I'll miss it" or some other horse-sh*t like that but I mean, where the f*ck are you going to get in life by over-rationalising things? You'll have an older version of yourself doing things you should have done ages ago. You create a mental backlog and burden everyone else around you with your bad decisions. I wouldn't say it unless I thought it to be true. In such cases, I make up 40% of the vote of confidence (40%, incidentally, is exam pass minimum in Ireland. 50% is generally half the entire vote the world over and a few percent makes majority. That is my way of deciding things XD) so it only takes a few more examples to convince me that it's probably right, seeing as I am me and have to make my own decisions and choices. Take that!
So, just using the examples I have supplied, I'd rather be a young man looking for the perfect life for me and knowing what isn't, than an old man who knows and can't do anything about it. Taking chances has become what life is all about for me. I seldom regret things for more than a minute and know deep down, in the festering cellar of my heart what I will and will not do. What lines I will cross and what ones I won't touch with a 50ft stick. If you are unlucky enough to be standing in my way when decision time comes around, I wish you all the best and urge you yourself, not to get caught up trying to rationalise what you really want out of life.
The continents weren't rationalised apart it just kinda "happened" for (arguably) whatever reason. Now we all have to make the effort to try bridge the gap if we really want to. There is no reason good enough not to talk to someone you like either... there is every reason just to bail in and hope for the best. Soon you might be old and rich, but you may be physically unable to do anything you always wanted to do.
"Always wanted". Think about that.
But not too much, ey?
*Random homage to Final Fantasy VII. Also, yes, I was way off course reasoning something I clearly didn't want to do for six goddamn** years
** Though I'm not religious, I reserve my right to use any goddamn religious profanity I please