Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Tuesday, 00.00, Nov 30th, 2010

I was washing the dishes, watching my hands rinse those buggers, wash off all the crap left over from my last meal, watching it spin down the drain and go to rot somewhere I have no idea it's whereabouts...

Well that is just how my thoughts meander as I type whatever comes to mind. Yeah, that is pretty pointless I guess, in a really superficial kind of way.

I could have been thinking about how awful something was, how fortunate someone else was or dreaming about something I couldn't possibly afford, Time ticking by, My 30th birthday coming up, a number of things really. A multitude. Anything. I could have dived into the depths of a thought as unstable as the common particle, when you get down to it.

You have your first initial thought about something and the more you get to the core of it, the more unstable it becomes... quite like quantum physics. Did you know it is currently impossible to calculate anything below a quark*, a particle of a particle because the more you try and learn about it's mass, the less you know about it's location and vice versa. These are fascinating things. The world's biggest brains cannot figure it out and the worlds smallest dismiss it completely. I find the common problem is like that for the rest of us. Someone asks us something simple and we worry over it until our guts rot.

It's a pointless endeavour. I have lost all faith in the common thought. I try only to use my brain when I need it because when the brain is put to figure out something intricate from something simple, you will be toppled by the variety of answers and blown to and fro by rationalisation. It could be something simple like boiling the kettle; "will I actually have time for a cup of tea?" Doesn't this run up the electricity?", "oh I might have to use the bathroom in about 10 minutes" and onwards it goes. I mean we think we are being simple, like the atom would if it didn't know it had all those damn particles running around inside it... assuming it does...

You see?

But the point is, it's far simpler and a lot less stressful to get up off your arse and click the switch. Presto! The kettle is boiling. Whether you use the water or not is irrelevant. remember the phrase (or paraphrase!) it takes X amount of muscles to frown whereas it takes X amount less to smile (or the alternate ending; .....  to extend your arm to punch someone in the face) It's a simple answer to a very common problem... we dream ourselves in and out of stress for more than we use our delicious brains to actually calculate something worthwhile. Anyway.

My only reason for writing this was to say that the more you think about something, the less stable it becomes. Of course, we have scientists who do all of our thinking for us. they can give us a multitude of equations to solve this and that problem... and indeed, all of our technology, or at least the most useful of it, comes from two main theories... Quantum Physics and Relativity. Two incomplete "theories". That's it, our two most stable scientific accomplishments are themselves unstable. Our particles are unstable, our governments are unstable and our relationships are unstable. Hell, we got prisons and asylums full of people who are unstable. We have people walking among us everyday that are themselves unstable...

And yet you are still surprised. You worry yourself over mortgages and arrears, money, holidays and the works and you think that you are struggling for stability.

Out there there is a huge universe and arguably, a multiverse that is changing and changing. Your body is changing every day. your mind is changing, you are worried, because you are holding on with all of your might. All those wee atoms are bouncing and bouncing about like crazy. It's no wonder you are worried... your little slice of heaven is unstable as everything else we know about.

Technology is swelling, military growing, economy rising and collapsing, ice caps melting, tides raging, wind changing, relationships fading, people ageing, hearts racing, love embracing. It goes and it goes. you should let those thoughts rise and fall and stop clinging to 'em, because they, like our environment, require freedom. Our thoughts are like prisoners of our head just as the particle tries desperately to exist without being the prisoner of the scientist. It's a strange kinda magic.

Everything has got a point, or reason for being the way it is

Deeper you look, the more unstable things become. It's no reason to lose confidence... in fact it is the opposite. You now know that no matter what the idea, the thought or action, everything has it's place.

I have often heard some say they regret this or that, they should have done this or that or changed something. Total arsery if you ask me. You are where you are because of what you once did. If things were any different, you wouldn't be the person you are to give out about it in the first place.

And now the thought ends


* I may have my science wrong, but it's definitely close enough

Monday, November 29, 2010

I Love Metaphors

I love metaphors more than anything else.

But there is something I love only slightly less and then everything else fights over 3rd place

In second place only to metaphors;

My teeth

I love my teeth. Once when I was sixteen, I noticed they were in a really bad way. They were full of cavities, gaps and were generally a little the worse for wear. they were fucked, not to put too fine a point on it.

Being that I was sixteen, I was slightly intelligent, but I did something that was fairly advanced in thought. I maintained the shit out of them. Never was I "ordered" to look after my teeth. Not once was I given apt guidance as how to look after them but I was told; probably by a dentist or teacher or someone else "you only get one more set, then it's bye bye teeth for life unless you are very well off!"

Shock set in when I realised I was well into my second set and had teeth comparable of a thirty something but only in my teens! Well, this is what the dentist eventually said to me when I scurried down after making a rushed appointment. I was into my second week of fillings and probably on the fifth when I realised that that was a pain I didn't want to feel again.

That was the pain of experience folks. It fucking hurts like nothing else. Maybe it hurts more because it hurts your feelings too, to realise you have been a bit of an eejit. A bit neglectful, or possibly a little ignorant of how you should* have done it. That is physical and emotional pain... a double whammy.

See teeth are useful when in their best condition. I know it's not possible to maintain them to 100% of their "new" condition, but you can keep that fairly high. Otherwise they are filled with a substance that is only second best to enamel, or if you're really unfortunate** they rip that sucker right out.

Now, the metaphor.

So I was thinking about the whole close relationship thing again (yeah I know, but you are reading this so bear with me)

See dental maintenance is a lot like a relationship... not even necessarily a good one. It can decay fast when you don't notice it. Things like these take a lot of awareness and a lot of maintenance... not to mention good judgement. Lets say Person A&B were in a difficult relationship where each and every thing they cannot agree on becomes a bigger and bigger cavity. You brush those motherfuckers until they are spick and span, but you keep gobbling it up thinking "I know it's bad for me, but if I keep brushing 'em it'll be okay!"

let me ask you a question; when your folks asked you to brush up when you were young, did you keep it up?


Bet you've needed a filling or two since your second set. You did? Well if you are really good, they'll last you until your older years. Fair play. If not, however, they are gonna really start to hurt further on down.

See the problem with bad stuff is it is determined to erode the shit outta your prized possession. I mean, try get someone to kiss you when you're gummy!

Let's say you are one of those clever folks who is quite aware of the perils of bad food on your teeth. You know what's good... and what to stay away from. You are going to steer clear of that bad shit because you know that decay is inevitable... you know that ignorance is not bliss in fact more often than not, it causes you some feckin' awful pain. When the chips are right down you may need a false set or if you are particularly wealthy, a new set of fake teeth that look just like your own. Is that comparable to "Trophy Wife" or "Toy Boy"? I'll let you decide.

See once you are aware of what is bad for your teeth, cavities become less and less. Trips to the dentist are less frequent unless it's a check-up whereby you are asked "are you happy with the care and condition of your teeth?"

Otherwise it's black holes, pain, discomfort and of course, the high cost of keeping it that way until one morning you wake up and think "Holy FUCK! I gotta do something about this!"

Tell your kids folks. Let 'em know.... dental care is very fucking important. Otherwise you're trying to make it all better by filling your teeth with something that is less than perfect.

Or maybe you like having bad teeth, bad breath, no confidence....


*I hate using the word "Should". Captain Hindsight and I are arch-nemesis. I mean, how should you do something differently than you are? Travel back in time and do it? Mistakes makes for better experiences, then should becomes irrelevant... you adapt a new way. Ever try telling a kid how they "should" behave? They don't do it, do they?

**They say fortune favours the brave... in the subject of dental maintenance however, there is no "fortune" there is only stupidity or smarts. You either look after them or you don't and in the latter case, it's "hello!" Mr Drill or worse, Mr. Feckin' Pliers!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Crooked Teeth

"I'm a war of head versus heart
And it's always this way
My head is weak, my heart always speaks
Before I know what it will say"... Crooked Teeth - Death Cab For Cutie

I am going to propose that the heart rules the head in the majority of matters.

I will explain it through this criteria: When people hurt us or challenge our ways, we feel it before we respond to it. All of life's complications that arrive through a sensory means, ie; through touch, speech, etc involve our heart feeling an emotion that needs to be translated in order for our brain to understand it.

This can be looked at in an example like when you get a "bad feeling" from someone you are likely to try to figure them out or reason why they behave in a manner you find to be objectionable. Some folks respond to a person immediately by how they feel about them. Others may decide to "give them a chance" based on criteria they personally set about them. Both usually result in the same diagnosis, however, the one where the heart or the "gut" decides immediately, may be the one closer to truth. This is judged with a factor like time being in the equation. In other words, when we find out "over time" what our instincts told us immediately we realise that indeed, our hearts rule our heads.

In another example, like say the breakdown of a relationship, our hearts or "gut" may well tell us in advance where we know the relationship is destined without rationalising it further. however, when we consult a factor like "memory" of the person or a snapshot of happier times, it may delay what we feel is the overall best solution to our dilemma. We often let emotions like Empathy override our initial instinct and the combination of this empathy coupled with our thoughts, the translation of the empathy passed from our partner to us and into "memories" through a thought process may also override our best interests in favour of a lost cause which we may already know to be true. This, in my opinion is again the heart ruling the head.

When the head rules the heart, often-times we see this to be as an experience.... a number of stimuli that amount to a situation being ruled by probabilities. Let's say for example you a find yourself repeating a similar experience from the past where a certain experience led you into an uncomfortable situation. Factors like the probability that another will manipulate you the same way as someone did previously or a recognised pattern of behaviour will lead you into a set of similar circumstances that were undesirable sets the probability that what you are experiencing is probably worth avoiding. This is typically a situation where the head rules the heart.

Another is more simply put. You may know a person to be unreliable in meeting your expectations which are again, an emotional response, not a logical one. You may really feel that you want them to come through for you, but then, through experience, you know it is unlikely to come to pass because you maybe asked this person to do something say like, 10 times but they have maybe only did it twice. This puts their probability at 2/10 which means they are unlikely to provide the assistance you need. This is another area whereby the head rules the heart.

As we are all sentient human beings, all of our experiences must meet our emotional needs before our logical needs. Simply put, we must experience a situation before we have any knowledge of it. This will maybe appeal to you if, say, you look at how you behaved when you were 18 and cringe. This is so because you have a stable base to work from. It is unlikely that you are anything like the person you were then because you have felt some kind of emotion that has steered your person to experience life differently. You may approach a situation similar to when you were young, but with the knowledge to back it up. You may not feel as embarrassed or as anxious in a repeated situation because your heart has processed it into logic and your logic used in order to deduce the same situation into probability. in other words, a situation you once experienced emotionally in all it's detail may have less of an impact on your person because you have learned or experienced it fully.

I do think however, that because we are older does not mean we cannot genuinely feel emotions like love, sadness, happiness etc like when we had no knowledge of their adverse effects as opposed to just their positive effects. Our standards change and we continually try to predict how a situation will unravel. It's fair to say a lot of similar people with similar characteristics may indeed behave and direct situations into the same way as we have once experienced, but it is unfair to say that everyone is predictable and exactly the same down to the core. For this my only advice would be to stop living in your head and trust your heart a little more. An experienced heart will never steer you into an undesirable situation once you have complete trust in it. After all, the only person who's going to understand exactly what your heart wants is you. If you spend too much time in your head however, you may find yourself experiencing some of those positive emotions ever again based purely on a handful of bad experiences. After all, aren't there so many different people out there? And if you find yourself biased and bored, put yourself into the company of those you consider "different" and keep experiencing something different instead of judging each situation the same way.

Apathy Kills

Quite often you'll hear someone you know say "I don't really care"

And quite often they don't. Sometimes, however, all that person is saying is "I really don't want to think about it right now" - who could blame them? In times like these, everyone finds it difficult to face their problems when there are so many.

But as far as my own personal experience goes, Apathy never really solved anyone's problems. In fact, apathy may be the biggest killer out there in the world at the moment.

With regards to starvation, for example, one of these two occurrences with apathy may be uttered by the common person. "I don't care if they starve", "I don't care who is starving so long as MY family are all right". Imagine the whole world felt that way? When your boss doesn't care whether you're family starve or not, when the company fortune is at stake you will soon care whether someone starves or not.

Imagine a Solicitor who doesn't care who they cross so long as they make their fortune. They strive, they beat down and defeat all of their competition. Soon enough, they are at the top, trying, as most do, to find out how to dodge what little tax they are paying. Now imagine that for whatever reason their huge salary is threatened by a 10% hike in tax. They are paying slightly more than they used to, they protest it. Imagine no one else gave a shit and said Solicitor had to protest alone... how would they feel? Thankfully for them, they are in a small margin or high earners who the government will not hit. This is the problem you see. people aren't trying there best any more for each other... they are trying for themselves. Trying to be in that small percentage who don't have to worry about anyone else, because the fellas in charge will do it for them. The people striving at the bottom, they try their hardest to keep everyone's head above water because we all know, if we don't that once the Jones' down the street are hit, soon enough we will too. The solicitor, lucky for them, will find someone to protest along side them you see for every margin of wealth, there are supporters to help them get back on their feet and fight for their rights. And I'm pretty sure their competition, who they once beat down will share the "I don't care" approach of this once lucky rival. Why should they care? You only cared for yourself!

Tax though.. isn't it horrible being forced to care about your common man??

So you see apathy is a trait only few can afford to have. "I don't really care about the bailouts because right now I have dinner booked at the Ritz and wear Versace suits". You may be the next person to lose your job mate, unless you are a high ranking bank official, that is. If you work in unskilled, semi-skilled or even a private or public job, your foundations are just as ropey as the rest of us, soft stepping across a rickety bridge over a deep canyon of poverty. Saying "I don't care" will only get you so far unless you are so rich you do not have to live here.

If apathy were a dominant human trait, you may not have the job you treasure so much for your designer clothes, footwear, handbags, fast cars and jewellery. Someone has to want to give you that cash. Someone has to support your rights to earn, to work and to succeed. If it were every man for himself, we'd all be fucked, tired, broken and starved. Slavery, greed, corruption, rape and torture would be every day occurrences on every level. If no one cared, you'd be on the street, eating a dog turd with every infection known to mankind because you were just trying to get by.

Every time you say you don't care, think of those around you who care enough for your basic rights then say it again. Think of those braving the cold and rain, out protesting, to support you devil-may-care attitude.

You may be eating at the Ritz tonight, but it may well be a soup kitchen tomorrow

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Anti-Social Networking

The internet is growing.

Wow, what a dumb statement. I mean it's obvious, right?

It's like saying "space is expanding". It's a given. As I speak, there are hundreds of sites and services being added, making the total useful output of the web reach unimaginable proportions. Though the majority of the internet is porn, there are some other (useful) things available via the World Wide Web. If I said I didn't partake of the occasional bit of porn I'd be a liar... it has it's uses. Ebay has it's uses, supposing I wanted to find a rare item I had to have for whatever reason. So I definitely make use of this particular option when it's necessary. I could honestly go on about what I use intermittently, over time, on the interwebz, but I' going to give you the benefit of doubt by assuming you're intelligent and assume that you get where I'm going with this  observation.

There are staple things we require as human beings, however. There are things like food and drink, which we must use to survive in general. There are basic relationships like family and work, things we may or may not want depending on our moods. It is said that friends are the family of the 21st century, if we are to believe what Simon Pegg quipped in "Spaced". It's true... friends are people we choose to be around rather than feel obliged to spend time with. We choose their company based on traits that we decide suit our specifications... I dunno. We just take a "shine" to certain individuals for whatever reason there is to like someone. We even choose to dine or get smashed with said individuals. Isn't it great?

Now, assuming that we have friendships on this also-assumed little prerequisite, why is it necessary to "like" what someone says if you are friends with 'em anyway? Even if a friend says something I don't like, I appreciate it anyway. It's what makes friends friends, and what makes old friends, "gone-friends". See it's a case of, "this doesn't suit me any more so I'm moving on". You ultimately decide whether to stick by your friends or not. They choose whether to stick by you or not also. If a friend is not a real friend, they won't. That is it. If they have disappeared for years and suddenly resurfaced, it's probably for a good reason, like being lost in the Everglades for 20 years or been a political prisoner or something. Anything else is not really a good reason to just disappear unless it's on a moral or personal ground. It's like when you have a racist friend and you think "OK, you are making racist jokes that I personally am not offended by, but seeing as I don't agree with you or your narrow single-minded viewpoint, I am further on going to disassociate myself from you". And you move on. You haul ass out and find new friends, friends that are more like you are. If said racist friend wanted your "likes" or support on something, they'd want to generally not piss you off, wouldn't they? Now it's also likely that your situation or circumstances will just propel you in a different direction than your real friends. You may be countries apart, decided by work or love or maybe that friend just got a pain in their hole with the whole routine of their life. Either way, it's a given that you will make the effort to stay in contact, regardless of distance. If you are concerned that friends will not stand by the decisions you make on a personal basis, you should ask yourself just one thing... "if they cannot take me at my worst, do they deserve my best?"

And so I now move on to social networking, as I see it anyway. I was like, 16 or something when mobile phones came into the picture. Back then we couldn't believe there was a better way to stay in contact that was more practical than freezing your ass off, waiting on a wall. At least you could narrow down the waiting time on those freezing blocks before you set out. No more unnecessary minutes spent waiting in the rain and wind for your mates to show up. It was a great idea. I mean, just to clarify a point, find something out or make an arrangement, we had text and voice. It really is brilliant. I seen the hard-liners who refused to acknowledge the benefits of mobile phones fall throughout the years and accept that they were indeed practical. Now most everyone has a phone and some go further and have one that can put jam on your toast and iron your trousers. It really is fantastic.

The social networking thing though is just the opposite. Instead of housework we find ourselves clicking on refresh in case someone has posted a mundane thing like "just read my phone bill there" or "Larry fell on his face last night" something terrible and irrelevant anyway. You see what your friends and the people you don't give a shit about in equal measure got up to on a news feed every 10 minutes. It is killing the need for meeting up, chatting and the thought that occurs to you in no set time increments like "haven't heard from Paul in about four months, must ring or text and organise a meet-up". You don't give a shit - because you know Paul has bought a kennel and a Wispa in the last 24 hours and you aren't arsed to see anyone that you have to leave your desktop for. Social networking is Anti-social. I'll bet the people who dreamed them up don't even use them.

Some use the social network platform to be pedantic or paranoid. Some use it to make a point that they cannot or would not do in person... plenty of implying going on. You get people who write their news out... and the first post is someone correcting their spelling. You get people jumping into conversations they are not part of and implying that you are talking about something they chose to get offended by. Imagine sitting in a pub having a private conversation only to have some lout butt in and make trouble on pure assumption? Total bullshit. Yet I even find myself F5ing a page about three times before logging out. It is as addictive as scratching your balls... you know you shouldn't do it, but a few on the sly and everything's good.

Social networking used to have it's uses, back in the days of Myspace and Bebo... do you remember them?? Yeah, Myspace was for music mostly and Bebo was for... kids. You know, you could put up pictures and people could go "aww, that's kinda nice even though I'm not actually interested". Much the same as all those folks now talking about what they are studying or that their essay is due and how you still, realistically, don't give a shit. It's like that wedding coming up that you don't care about, those photos uploaded that you're not interested in and how loads of people are going to Lanzarote and you're not so you generally ignore all news feeds that have Lanzarote in for a week or so. Yep, it's making us care about what we don't... care about. It's not benefiting at all. Social networking doesn't promote friendships, it promotes procrastination... like that wasn't a big enough problem already.

Social networking is making me look bad as a person. Generally, I have no problem with anyone. Everybody likes to have their space, appreciates the space between one meet-up and the next. God forbid you should join a group like "Atheists Ireland" and then leave a week later. You have an annoying friend for life that won't leave you alone. See what I did there?

But seriously, social networking makes people look bad. It makes us look boring, conceited, brash, pedantic, obsessive and critical. And on the base of it all; lazy. It is proving that we are all avoiding real interaction. "Ah I won't meet such-and-such because I know what they are up to and can see them here any time"

What a pile of wank.

If the majority of your friends are on your social networking page, I have some bad news for you.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Napalm Brain, Scatter Brain

By now you will have noticed that I like to talk at length about the fine line between certain opposites, as it were.

Actually it's so fine it's ridiculous.

You are aware that there is a fine line between insanity and genius.

You are also aware that 99% of the time, an attacker is somebody who the victim knew.

And then you are also aware that 70% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Anyway, I just thought I'd point out another two things that came to mind recently.

Media Snake:

I always talk about the media. It's one of my favourite things to do. Today I want to say that in my personal opinion, using my own crafted stats, that the media has so far, to date, only output 10% useful information since I can remember and 90% of the time, they are inciting, hateful, biased (in spite of apparently being known as a neutral source of information) Popular journalism always seeks to scapegoat some poor fecker who was getting off on something random or else band-wagon jumping, in order to make the sales. Popular journalists are scum. A real journalist would never get hired by a popular edition purely because only a select few would actually find what they wrote about to be interesting at all. Most people don't care that footballers sleep around, for example. No one cares about tabloids really. Some of us care about the state of the world economy, but don't need to be reminded every day about the slight changes going on. And why do they constantly try to remind us that someone in Botswana got impaled while riding a motorcycle to a funeral? Generally, humans are a depressing bunch. Just like our need for companionship makes a pretty penny on "Valentines Day", our insecurity and general critical nature assures the sale of the daily rag. So, if I haven't read a paper, cover to cover since 2008, how come I know that the world bank is in tatters, ACTA is moving through the court system, people in Ireland are getting raped by the Irish government and that generally, people are getting fucked over one way or another all over the world? It doesn't take a genius to figure out that there is one thing in control here... human nature and the manipulation of it. Get a life of your own rather than join in the punishment beating of another's. Stop buying the rag and promoting the use of mind numbing tabloid "knowledge" and sensationalism.

The truth is, you may die of unnatural causes or you may not.. it's a big bad world full of mad people. We all know one, I'm sure.

You may get caught doing what you like to do, or you may not. Just give up stalking others and justifying it as "normal", eh?


Three things that fascinate me and I have been obsessing over for as long as I can remember are the human brain or mind, Space and the technical wonder that are computers. I find, once there is enough interest in any of the above and once your mind is open enough, the line between each obscures less and you start to see the similarities between each.

The similarities are amazing. The human mind is unbelievably expansive. Apparently, there is no end of knowledge we can store in our brains and we are able to recall information easily, the more dormant our temperament. It's well documented that the human psyche can be manipulated easily in a deep sleep or "hypnotised" state. Basically, the busier we ain't, the more easily our mind recalls things it once learned or knows to be true. Why can we quit smoking? We know we need to, somewhere deep inside. Ever struggled with that song name or actor and you try try try, but cannot recall? Then, suddenly, you're watching TV or having a bath or having a wank or whatever, you suddenly remember. Fascinating stuff. Computers work better the less physical memory you are using. It's fair to say your general processing will run a lot quicker when you're not over-encumbered with thoughts or commitments.

And so on.

Space is as expansive as our minds allow it to be. OK, bit of a controversial statement, depending on your scientific disposition or knowledge. The truth is, we only know as much as we have discovered and once we know of it, well there it is. We can always find out more by exploring a little bit, just by watching, observing. Maybe one of our satellites will drift off a little further and detect something we didn't previously know. Our thoughts can drift through our mind and uncover an idea we never fathomed before just the same. The idea becomes a project and the project becomes knowledge soon after a little theory. Both the study of Space and the human mind is all theory based. Nobody knows, but a little prodding around soon uncovers information. It's probability based... one can not know the minds of another, nor themselves truly, just as one cannot know the distant reaches of space. It looks only as our earthly perceptions will allow us to deal with.

This is of course, theory too. But you get my drift.

Computers are as fascinating as both of these subjects. Computers just seem to "develop" over time, though not without the work behind it of course. Technology expands as fast as the mind, as fast as the knowledge we gain to give them momentum. Our brain can be comparable to the mother board of a PC... we have the direct memory access to the situations that need our attention most. Our attention sub-divides and deals with scattered tasks like that of our RAM, like as if the more we learned to deal with, the better our minds could cope. Our brains are much like a hard disc, expanded by our determination to remember the times of our lives we cherished most in great detail. Our processors help us to deal with major turning points or pivotal moments, times when we need to think on our feet or move with great haste. We can quit processes and situations with simple commands or "keystrokes". Our chipsets are only as useful as the user that's manipulating it, the hardware that depends on it and the "speed" or intelligence of the individual who it's assigned to. It seems the more we need to know or understand ourselves, the more our machines need to expand and support us. We are a fortunate bunch indeed. Rather than simply "forget", we can store our knowledge on our body's natural outer appendage. Our computer.

Anyway, this was just one thought process of many. Ironically, I have used the technology in front of me to store one tiny tree of thought development that maybe took me a few seconds to picture. My hands cannot move as fast as my mind. My mind will not move faster than I allow it to.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

There Is Nothing To Write About

One of the reasons I haven't written anything in the last while is that I have been quite content.

Another  is that sometimes I feel differently about something just as soon as I write it, then I retract it, because it no longer needs clarification.

I did, after all, start this blog to soothe my own need to express myself. It's not like I have communication issues; on the contrary, I love to talk about everything and often too. But one of the main reasons I started it was because I've noticed I am cursed... and it's a rare thing, apparently. In fact, I'm often stricken quite hard when I realise that the majority of others avoid what I consider to be quite normal.

Direct problem solving and straight-forward honesty.

Yeah, I know...

But seriously, in a non-Holden Caulfield way, have you ever noticed how fake some people can be when it comes to sorting out their lives? Have you ever noticed some folks avoiding issues, avoiding to acknowledge problems or just generally being dogmatic or prejudiced? It's absolutely astounding the level of blind-sided ignorance one has to allow oneself in order to slate others or one-up them.

It's a rare thing these days to find a group who commend one-another rather than bitch or judge when one leaves the room.

I'm talking about a simple process - acknowledging ones own faults for a change. Why do people assemble in groups to slate a person or criticise? It's funny but true; Because no-one person in the whole world is perfect and a group has far less wrong with them statistically than one person does alone. Yep, we bond and bitch because we're stronger that way. Then we go home, cram food in our gut, watch musicals, listen to terrible music and actually admit liking shit TV when we're safely by ourselves, to ourselves. Because the combined power of the the group is too much for our own little faults. We hate things in groups because it makes us better than the one girl who wore what she wanted for a change because she thought it looks good or the guy who openly talks about being a massive geek in public. We are so fucking strong in groups because our shit friends and colleagues are there to back us up.

My opinion; If you need to badmouth someone in front of another to make yourself seem better than they are, you are two times worse than your "diagnosis" of that person.

I have said previously that I have not written anything in the last while because I have generally been contented with myself. I am that. Just happy. There is no need to rant when the world is good. I find when I do, it's usually the same subject matter... it's one problem, seemingly different to the last one, solved the same way. That's the way most of problems are when you think about it, inflated by the fear we put into them. You take away the fear and put in rational thought and the problem shrinks into obscurity... and in the grand scheme it's just temporary, relative and irrelevant. Honestly, gossip, office banter, competitiveness and bitching usually stem from a few simple things: Jealousy, insecurity, fear of oneself or ignorance of simple issues that could be solved with a moment's honesty. We are quick to point the finger on other's when something "controversial" happens, but we have the fear of God in us when we're nearly judged by our peers for something similar. It's not their fault for judging you... you are to blame for participating in the first place. Long journeys start with single steps and every block contributes to the overall structure.

I haven't written in ages because I think almost every problem society has stems from one or two sources... Ignorance or Fear.

So there is nothing to write about unless you want the same answers. What is language? Only the same words jumbled up and served differently.

Calculate Her

I have spent the best part of my youth, actively trying to figure out two things:

First of all; who am I?

It's fair to say everyone spends the better part of their youth figuring out who they are and the rest of their life trying to forget it. That is what growing up was for me... A battle to find my true identity in a world of tags and judgement. If you seen me today, you would know I was kinda over most of this stuff... my hair is scraggy, my clothes are cheap and worn and my lifestyle reflects this; I do all of my grocery shopping is thrift stores and I drink only the finest cheap booze. My identity is lack of it; no designer gear and absolutely no brand name goods to speak of. Why is that? I honestly don't know. My musical taste is as loose as my general inhibitions. I honestly have very few limits. Morally, principally and ethically, I am fairly straight edge... I decide through close monitoring of my in-built meter on what is good for me and generally speaking, it is the exact same as what is good for everyone else so to put that in layman terms, I don't put my needs over that of another individual. In other words, I don't step on toes to look after no.1. Consent and agreement are two of my priorities. It's fair to say that trust and understanding follow close behind. Treat others how I like to be treated myself. It's a no-brainer. I think some folks are still in direct competition with one-another to "succeed" in life. Some will actually step on your head as you come up for air in order to breathe double-deep to inhale it themselves. And here I thought "success" was based on happiness... I don't understand the need to cause misery of any kind to gain fulfilment, unless you are a sociopath or psychopath. At least those guys have an excuse... what's yours?? Incidentally, I place myself on no tier above that of anyone who reads this... I believe everyone is capable of basic human decency out of birthright, not through some organisation. And I think that is the best source of happiness. The good news? It's fucking FREE!

The second thing is a little more complex than the first.


It's not unusual to see books and leaflets, shows and broadcasts dedicated to the biggest conundrum of life; why men are the way they are and why women are the way they are. I have friends split to different factions over what is the best way to deal with the subject; some claim it is unfair to treat the two sexes as "different", the other quite openly welcomes the two as different. The only way I can put this is; Why am I attracted to females and not males, if we are both the same? I am quite aware, as are you, that women have boobs and baby-makers. I am also aware that in matters of relationships, men and women are polar opposites with men, generally, being the jack-asses where matters of the heart are concerned. If men and women are the same, why do men start wars, and generally get competitive about things, why do girls like to talk on the phone about seemingly pointless things for hours when guys cannot wait to put the things down? I think it's girls who reckon that we are the same because they would like to believe we feel the same way about relationships. But that is not true. Ask any guy with guts how he really feels about 'em. The answer won't be the same. Unless of course he is genuinely in total and utter love with you. But let me ask you this - how many times have you been told that and where is he now?

These are quite unimportant in this thought process however. Some guys, I have noticed, cannot even sit in the same room as a girl without being intimidated by her ass.When the do have interest in a girl it's almost obsessive and when they are jilted, they are inconsolable. I used to be like this for about a week when I was 14... however, I realised that indeed, girls talk and act a lot like guys in normal situations. Long story short, I was from a separate faction... one that could waffle for hours to a girl without giving a whole lot of thought to it. I could say what I wanted to a girl without being intimidated and generally thought "what the fuck" when I found out there was any interest in me at all.Apparently this has drawbacks however...I'm not clingy and generally stay aloof about the whole couple thing... and this is where curiosity sank in. Guys were obsessing over girls and getting nothing and I was kinda "whatever" about the whole thing and it was going grand. It seems, the more I try stop and think about girls and stuff the less I know - also the less successful I am. Ain't that something?

Why did girls like my disinterest? Why, why, why was I never able to get the one I wanted for a long time, but as soon as I didn't want any more, it fell together?


And it continues on to infinity. I'm sure if there is an equation for it, it's unsolvable... much like the vast expanse of space... a mystery.

And the funny thing? All of this text is pointless. Half may agree and the other half will disagree which makes that a 0-0 draw.

The lesson? Stop trying to figure out something that has no solution.

Not trying = win
Obsessing and over-thinking = loss

isn't that mental?

I also find that I'm now naturally attracted to girls outside my age group... they are usually older or a bit younger. Girls my age are career obsessed, future obsessed and generally-obsessive over things that I have no interest in. They complain when I say that I don't find these things interesting and therefore, through a strange logic, make themselves uninteresting to me by complaining and obsessing. And then there's the control aspect... don't get me started. If the time comes when I find donating whiny brat-juice, and interested in giving my hard-earned money (If I ever find a goddamn job) to greedy bankers a turn -on, I'll be back to apologise! In any event, I guess I am one of the small percentage of those who fall in the "men of a certain age are immature for me" type groups...

And I don't give a shit.

Each to their own, eh?

anyway, end rant/>