I am a nutjob. Well, I am to a certain extent. On one hand I am serious and calculated, I like serious conversation and like talking about hard-hitting matters. On the other hand I have a bizarre sense of humour and I am interested in things I won't specify and detail for the sake of good taste and decency. I do not have religious beliefs, but I believe in promoting good, common sense ideas, not ideologies. But as far as I'm concerned, I am capable of living in society and through my own choices, am a law-abiding and respectful citizen who will not harm anyone else for personal gain. Back in school I was ridiculed for liking my hair a different length and liking music that wasn't main stream. I thought I was "different" and sure enough, I was. Still am. I have noticed that some, if not most of those I was "persecuted" by in school are still the same kind of people... a little predictable and very guarded. I am now on a majority scale, surrounded by people who behave and obey in a very peculiar uniformed manner. Yes, this is going to be another one of "those" blogs.
Basically, in school, I was given a hard time by those who would not "draw outside the lines" for want of a better expression. They were a very main stream bunch and anyone who was different to them would feel the wrath of their mighty majority. Gangs always pick on the one or two who stick together outside their own caste. However, they were children, as was I, so I cannot and will not hold grudges against them. You could cut someone badly in an accident and be genuinely sorry, but the scar on your skin may stay to remind you of what happened. Sorry is good enough when said in a genuine way and that is good enough for me. This metaphor in common explanation could be known as "a lesson learned" and I have chalked it down to experience. It was character building and probably had some hand in making me the man I am today. I am grateful even for the hard times.
As a teen, the hard times were not felt in school so much from peers. At that stage, most of the "social outcasts" had made their groups and stuck together in their new setting. There were still groups who thought we were mad for liking different things, and not having sex before we were 16 and not smoking and other stupid stuff that isn't worth mentioning. It was tough to fit in with that crowd. I had a quirky sense of humour even then and apparently it was only worth a scoff by those who thought themselves of a higher order to you. In order to fit in, I would have had to let go of a few basic values and a taste in music. It was a strange scenario indeed. The pressure I felt the most though, was from teachers saying I was wasted talent etcetera etcetera. Man, they sure wanted everyone to do shit subjects even if we didn't want to. The problem with school was they never put much emphasis on alternative subjects. I would have been interested in music or Japanese for example, but there were no such facilities.
Now as an adult I see generalisations all around me. I realise they have always been there and I realise that I never really went for them. I notice a lot of people go through the motions. There is a lot of pressure out there to fit in, belong, conform, and most importantly, to compete. Isn't it easier to compete when you're in a team? It's certainly easier to believe, if you're that way inclined, that a certain way is the right way if everyone else is doing it. See the Mark Twain quote at the bottom - I believe this to be true. If you're just blindly following a trend, it's time to stop and look at exactly what you want. I mean what you really want and not what others put you under pressure to do. Society is a strange thing. Tribal society is an important thing to look at too. Different tribes used to do and act different ways. The best ways survived to suit them. But striving for money and a name isn't right for everyone... only some. I am not one of those people.
So, though I may have a quirky sense of humour, a different taste in clothing or music and no real stressful desire to chip away at my happiness to pour my time into a black hole, I still feel worthy enough to enjoy my life how I see it. I am a little bit crazy, from a majority perspective, but I also happen to think the majority are crazy for not thinking in the fourth dimension, or outside the box, if you will. I worry about those straight laced types who submit to every pressure the tabloids or media, or even their own peers and work colleagues throw at them. What zany, personalities are they hiding? What are they afraid of, not belonging? Is it necessary for every individual to have a family, even if he or she doesn't want one? Must we belong to a group or a church, just because we are afraid generally or afraid not to? Do we have to hide our desires and sense of humour for example, just because a few cowards squirm when they see someone behave "differently"? You know those guys who suddenly go crazy and blow the out of everyone in their school, office or randomly? They are scared of not belonging. They are ridiculed for not fitting in. They cannot afford that house any more so they get in debt and kill their kids and spouse. The guys who shoot up their school peers are made out to be weirdos because they feel different to the majority and because they are continually pressured, become sure they are not normal. Usually these youngsters have no idea that we are all weirdos to some extent. Nerds, geeks, rockers, hippies, alternative life-stylers, tattooed guys and girls, fixations on an era like the 50's or 60's or something. Pressure comes from fear of being oneself after all, for some strange reason.
Well, I think I made a few of the points I wanted to and I'm sure I left out loads that I wanted to too. Such is always the way. But one thing I have learned over the years is that I will say whatever I want or whatever I feel needs to be addressed in general, depending on what mood I'm in. Many years ago I didn't do this. I was a pushover and was very very easy to convince into things. I still am to a certain extent. I can be a real easy with people. Helpful. Laid-back. Tolerant and generally, I don't make judgements on people for being "different" or wanting things differently to what I do. I think I may be the prime candidate in all the people I know (head grows larger) in fact. But I now know there are some who would have liked to keep me as I was. Like mála (modelling clay) - really easy to shape and influence. Alas, those days are gone. The rant continues.
P.S - If you're reading this blog, or are aware of it's existence, you probably don't irk me. Congratulations! :-)