The Media Snake
News is trivial and changing always, just like us human beings. We are always changing... we want to stay the same and we try conserve the shit out of everything, but generally that is a fruitless task. So we follow the tabloids to read the "unbelievable" stories of how everyone around us is doing something scandalous or strange.
This is not strange. We are just afraid of the fact that we are changing forms on a big rock floating through space. News is just there to distract and occupy us... there's nothing special or new about it.
We are changing, whether we want to admit it or not. Every moment, your cells are changing. You are dying. OK, that sounds morbid, but let's face it, you're not getting any younger. Your brain is racing a mile a minute because you allow it to do so. You complain about age catching up, about time flying and about never having enough money. When was the last time you stopped being a human doing and experienced being a human being? When was the last time you slowed down those racing thoughts and realised that there was no problem bigger than being afraid of what you haven't done yet? And what of the things you have already done or thought of doing? They are no stranger than what you read in the daily rag. Indeed, there is nothing enlightening about what I write either. It's just the same mish-mash of words put into a different order. You may be intrigued because I actually went through the hassle of writing it, for example. That is the difference between a writer and a worker ant. you do it, they think it. The folks who write in the media are not talented because they present nothing new or nothing you really want to read. They just plan to get you caught up in trivial matters so you can kiss your life goodbye sooner. They make every day seem the same by sensationalising completely normal things. The media make me feel ill. "News" as it were, seems to change every day, to the unenlightened reader. It doesn't. It's just the same stories with different characters. If you've read one story, you've read them all. It's just like a bad re-hashed movie. The truth about the media is, you want to read that someone has a more fucked up existence than you. They don't. Remember, we all live on the same wet rock hurtling through space. You choose your steps carefully in case you end up as the next story. The media are scumbags, as many a person has said before.
Losing My Mind
It's Ironic - Losing your mind, as it's often referred to in expression, is nothing more than finding too much of it. That's right; a person who "loses" their mind is only someone who thinks too much. When I thought I lost my mind a long time ago, I actually found I was thinking too much. Isn't that strange? This kind of expression is a typical misuse of language. See, when a person says "they are losing their mind", you often think that they are not themselves any more. Truth is, they are spending way too much time analysing things, running around in that black hole of a brain (In my opinion the second universe) and over-complicating things. A person who "loses their mind" knows exactly where it is. That is like saying "I cannot find the Eiffel Tower" while standing atop it!
I think if everyone were to lose their mind in a literal sense, we'd live in a fairly sane world - No Ideologies, no races, no religions and no more damn obsessions. Imagine someone who just behaved as if every moment were the only one? They would no longer be money driven slaves, plotting their - and our - next move. We could all do whatever the hell we wanted, so long as we paid attention to basic human morality. And you don't have to think too hard to know what that is. I bet you could summarise it in an instant.
So, I want to say in that regard, that I am actively trying to lose my mind. The inhibitor. The thing that makes me afraid and worrying. The thing that wants me to project and over-plan. My changing thoughts and my problems. It's a little different to ignorance you see. you are not pretending that obstacles do not exist... you are dealing with them when and wherever you can. I want to lose my past without losing the experiences. Experiences are everyday things. Memories are immutable, so they are unnecessary and useless. You can only learn those lessons once, then you must move on and make the next mistake. I want to lose my ideas of the future. There is no thing that hasn't happened yet that is so big that I cannot enjoy this moment, or at least live it to the maximum. There is no reason big enough to fear what may or may not happen. there is no amount of preparation that can change what another may do on a whim. You can only control whatever it is you choose to do at this moment. And only you can decide whether it effects anyone else. Don't live in hope; live in determination. That is your future and mine.
I want to enjoy being alive and I want you to do it too.
Who Am I?
If you think you know this answer, then you are wrong. I am not formed by the opinions you have of me. I am a living being, that is one that adapts to their daily environment. You are too, that is why I appreciate your differences; understand your changing attitude; respect your decisions. You are every moment of every day. I am that too. I know as much about you as I know of the weather. My experience of the weather tells me that the rain will make me wet, the heat will burn me and that the cold will make me want to be warm again. I will adapt to you like I adapt to the weather. Every single day. I will be prepared when the storm comes. I may get thrown about, but I will recover. And you will again give me good days.
The weather will give a surfer his waves, a fisherman his catch, a sunbather his tan and a skier his slopes. I know that those days will come and go. We are that.
So is it strange to not want someone around who wants to be the sun on my ski slope?? To be a memory of a better time when the weather suited their interests and benefits better? Is it reasonable to have someone around who thinks of you in the past-tense only? Doesn't it seem unusual to be around someone who experiences you as a memory while you sit in front of them? Is it reasonable to try to live up to expectations of others? Some day the weather may be mutable, but not any time soon. For this is nature and nature changes constantly.
If consistancy is right, then why does it feel so wrong?
Expectation creates anxiety. It provides nothing but a feeling on tension. Even while you are looking forward to something good, you are anticipating it. Why not celebrate the differences? Does the rain stop you from having a good time even when you know it's basically harmless?
Why continue to build up the anxiety by comparing every possibility to some memory that cannot be changed? Aren't you inhibiting the possibility of more happiness? That is not you and it definitely isn't me. We are ongoing and continuous. But our mortality is not infinite, so we must learn to appreciate every single hour of every single day we have left. You cannot plan ever single moment of enjoyment. If you could predict every time you would enjoy someone for the rest of your life, where would the fun in that be? Wouldn't you already be dead? How would you enjoy the time in between?
I am not your expectations and you are not mine. but it doesn't mean we cannot celebrate the differences and just enjoy every moment we have together. Why stress about the ones we don't have? It takes the enjoyment away from the one we do have.
And no one can plan these things regardless of how they think they can. If you are not enjoying my company then you are thinking about it too much.
The ironic thing is, while you think it, you are not really there to begin with.
*The Media Snake was gonna be Change pt2, but that is a shit name and I'm gonna give up tagging blogs like that
*Who am I? and Losing My Mind are inspired pieces. They came from procrastinating mostly and my general unwillingness to participate in procrastination. It's reverse procrastination really. When I reverse procrastinate, I remember that I'm just thinking too much and avoiding what I really want to do. So I get restless with it, then start to do stuff. I know a lot of reverse procrastinators. A similar trait can be put into an analogy thus: If you ever play RPG games, you will go every way but the right way, as in, you'll do everything else besides the missions first. In a way, that is procrastinating your true aim. You are wandering around, looking for something better to do. But when you play the game, you were obviously somewhat interested in the story to begin with, so you've started to lose the plot. Reverse procrastination is finding it again pretty much.
To everyone who doesn't get the analogy, start playing RPGs!