Last week was positive writing week for me. It started off typically like every other week for me except I had one vision... That I would write something positive every single day. I wouldn't post anything too cynical and everyone could feel chirpy leaving my page. It's a simple goal with a nice prize at the end. Hell, I could even go away feeling good about it myself. I would feel like I helped others and helped myself without sacrificing a single shred of temporary happiness. Nobody would be hurt and we could all live a nice bountiful existence. I wrote a nice, optimistic post on Monday. Then a few days went blank. Then Roland's latest story went up. Then nothing.
Then I remembered it was my birthday on Sunday.
As ever, I wasn't looking forward to it so I didn't plan anything. Generally, nobody wants to go out for such occasions these days. I didn't want to have expectations either as expectations and I do not see eye to eye at all lately. Usually only my family and a few friends remember my birthday. I'm grateful they hold it in higher regard than I do. Thanks guys. However, this realization was not the crux of what I consider to be the turning point of "good will week". I was intentionally going to do something good for that week. I was going to be a better man about things. I was getting older after all and I'm all about progression. My birthday was to hold a new perspective on things. I would make it so. But I had forgotten - or rather, not cared - that it was so soon.
So what can a guy do when he wants to do something positive to mark an occasion? get a haircut? Buy new clothes? Try to help everyone but himself? OK, all are good answers, but I'm afraid nothing here is significant enough. My personal life is a little jumpy at the moment. This was my decision - I would try to fix it before going one step further. That's not just a good starting point... It's a damn good ending point too! I set about thinking what progress I had made as a person in my 29 years on this planet. I knew one thing that had worked well in my stead up until now and was only a recent thing... about 3-4 years in the making. I was going to be perfectly honest and frank about everything. This is what popped into my mind when I put pen to paper... without being too personal about it:
I have fallen back down to Earth. I have fallen because I set the bar too high and tried to reach it. Not by building a ladder of my own, but by climbing on top of those that were reaching as high as I. When I hit the ground it hurt really badly. I could not cushion the blow with anything. Truth be known, there was nothing to catch me. This fall was particularly bad as it was higher than I had climbed in a long time. I'm dusting off and starting again. This time I'm using a fucking ladder.
Growing older happens whether you want it to or not, whether you want to be involved in it or not. You must accept facts and tested theories as they present themselves to you. You must keep up with progress or get left behind. All theory arises from tested experiments, both practical and personal.
Your heart of hearts will tell you what is true or not. You are the only one that can translate what it says to you. Your friends, neighbours, family or loved ones cannot hear it. Your voice is it's voice. Your actions are it's actions. Speak clearly and concise and your heart will be known. Know your heart and do not fear it. It is you and you are it. You are the one who observes it.
Never say never to anything ever. If you must say never, say that you will never say never again. Try to obliterate the use of the words Can't, Never, Try, Won't, Couldn't and Shouldn't. they are impractical and are only used to make you feel worse about yourself. They are escapist words.
Some people try to make you feel worse about yourself so they can feel more significant. Protip: you were born. You are just as significant as they are whether you have money or not.
Never sell your happiness to anger. Anger is a bitch and generally, people who feel it are miserable. Watch them. Learn.
Guys are a strange bunch. We fit into two categories typically: the ones who are learning and the ones who are afraid to.
I have tried to drag many people down the same road that I walk upon. Some have offered to walk with me but usually end up turning back. There is no harm in that. They just want to know what it feels like for a while. Then they ask questions about it. They want to know if it's dark or bright. Here's the answer I want to tell everyone: It's always dark. You cannot see your hand in front of your face at the best of times. It's like every dark country road you set upon at night. Lonely, Isolated and a little bit scary. But when the sun comes up it's fucking beautiful.
EDIT: Imagine reading back on your posts only to find out the last two end with daytime being nice? Horror. Well actually, it was unintentional but I don't think I need to explain what each reference meant, so I'll grant you that small exception to the "no imagination" tag. But if you still find reason enough to think it's stupid to end two posts the same way (but with a different meaning) then message me and I'll explain it to you, then you can feel very very special!
Peace
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