Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What's on the Box?

Usually I don't watch TV. I don't watch it for many reasons.

I find soap operas are just over-dramatised, depressing, dank, drivel. They lack any kind of real story and just seem to fill in the blanks that most people have in life. You could walk down to the shop, call a friend, mow your lawn... or you could watch some grey-skinned frowning Londoner kiss a bag of treacle and then have his disgruntled wife yell at him for a good 15 minutes in an "epic" TV fight. I wouldn't be surprised if every fight in the world was boring before the "1,000,000 viewers, TV showdown" came along... then everyone decided to turn it into real-life by introducing their partner to it when they dropped a spoon down the side of the couch or forgot to buy the marmalade. So why watch soaps then ey? For inspiration? Or because you don't make your life exciting enough? If you wanna spaz out, just cheat on your significant other, close the blinds and turn off the light... then fight about it. A neighbour might film it for you to watch later or better still, you might entertain your street for a while if you invite everyone over. Go for it! At least you don't have to pay Sky for the privilege.

Then there's the news. Oh glory! The news! Because if Eastenders didn't depress you enough, you can always see what some poor bugger in India has to live off after his family were swept away by a typhoon. If you're particularly unlucky, you can catch similar stories not just on TV, but in the paper as well and if you can't keep away from Eastenders for 8 hours while you are at work, you can always read it's accompanying counterpart in the shape of red-logo newspapers. They always have similar, non-useful drivel inside their pages that begs the bored mind to read it and the bored mind does... and even pays for it! I honestly wouldn't even use 'em for toilet paper if I was stuck. But that's just me. I don't have high standards for newspapers, I just have average standards for what I call entertainment.

But the news, Oh the news! It throws itself at you whether you want it or not! "3 dead in wrestling stunt"! "Badger maims pensioner"! "Hair today, Bald tomorrow"! OH MY GOD!!! Isn't it tragic! and If that isn't tragic enough, try putting on Sky news! "Pensioner maimed by badger! Hear the full story" In HUUUGE white font and red banner (Surprise surprise) along the bottom. "This Thursday!!! Hear-say interview with Army colonel who once saw a badger run in front of his Jeep in the Lebanon". "I seen the badger run in front of the Jeep and immediately turned to first officer Perkins and said, Wow, isn't that huge? It must be a terror attack" - "On Friday, Gordon Brown seeks go-ahead through house of Lords for all out ban on Badgers" or something rubbish like that. Life is so boring that Sky news has to sensationalise everything. Then you go to work and your red-banner "news"-rag does too. When are you going to realise that life is not that crazy and sensational. But then that's why you watch the box, right?

You put on Sky sports and there's a PREMIER LEAGUE ADVERT ON! WOW! Wayne Rooney and John Terry and Dideir Drogba (these are currently the only footballers I can think of) running around kicking a ball while an angelic chorus rings out to their foot hitting leather with the guy in the background reminding you (in case you forgot) that these guys are heroes who killed... I mean, scored goals for their country, no better, their county in the previous match and that their rivalry with some other club is coming to the fore! Oh the drama! The agony! The ecstasy! Oops, my finger slipped.

I accidentally put on American Dad, The show that is like the twit brother of Family Guy. I watched through it and forgot it was a cartoon, it was so boring. I expected to turn around and see that my flat was animated it was so unfunny. I then put on Glee. I should have just got my cash together and went to The George. Actually that would be more entertaining for a straight guy... and that's saying something. Look, before you go off on one, how gay people find entertainment is different to how a straight person does to some extent, I was just trying to be Ironic, so don't get all PC on me. It's a joke. Take it.

Then there are those shows with constant crazy behaviour and where every single thing they say is supposed to be a pun. This gets really old really fast. Especially when it's poorly written which is usually the case. We lap it up. Alec Baldwin sure is crazy now, isn't he? What a team that he and Sesame Street puppets make!

C'mon!!!

See that's the problem. I don't watch TV very often and as a visitor to such things on the box every now and then I have to say it all just seems a bit ridiculous and overblown. But mostly it's under pressure to entertain us because we have no will to do things ourselves. TV is chewing gum for the eyes. It's lost it's perspicacity and it's usefulness as a tool for worthwhile purposes. TV bosses know that people turn to it because they don't want to use their brains to fill their time. We are just so mentally tired from work that we don't want to do anything. So they shovel badly written shows onto it and hope we don't notice it in order to entertain us. We don't notice and don't want to. It's funny when people talk about all the things they would like to do with their spare time and things the should have, but when you have a go at TV there's a million and one justifications for it's place of pride in your living room. It's not a living room, it's a time-wasting room. There's no life in it, there's just boredom. What did people do before TV? Where did they go? Inevitably the same place as we are going except we have done far less with our time.

Wait a minute. Discovery is interesting, isn't it? Watching some other person take initiative sure is amazing ey?

EDIT: It has been brought to my attention that I should point out that it's Broadcasts on TV that I'm talking about, not physical TV sets themselves.

Peace

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