it was brought to my attention today that I may be indirectly attacking people or something. This was never what I intended to do to anybody in this blog. Believe it or not, I like most people. The reason I write details about my life anywhere is because I'm fairly non-conventional for a guy my age. I like to ask questions about things I want to understand. Leaps people take, and common patterns in guys particularly, why they moan and complain about the same things all the time. Women are not to my understanding at all. It seems everything I want they don't. And it seems the same, vice-versa, about guys for women. This is life I'm told. Life sure is funny, crazy and very hard to figure out. You never know what's gonna happen next, so you look at the past and try to understand it. You try to understand the people around you. I have found though, through all my searching and asking over the years and throughout all my crazy theories that often I am the wrong one for one reason or another. I'm happy to accept this for all intents and purposes. I write in a very ironic fashion which is not very becoming of my character, apparently.
I was also asked if my writing was from someone who was depressed or in fact looking for attention. Aren't we all? I had my depression many years ago and it felt really really bad. It's not something I would like to go through again but it was very inspirational for me. Only recently have I found out why I was ever depressed to begin with. It's something that inspires my rants as these are questions I asked myself for many many years. I tried to act like a guy who was conventional and straight forward. It hurt like hell. It also hurt people I love and people I no longer make acquaintance with. But I'm getting from A to B daily with my writings and my studies. It's made me feel so much happier. I have never felt better, so that is an answer to anyone who thinks I may be depressed. Believe me, I of all people would know if I were down in the dumps. I wouldn't wait like I did all those years ago. 2 years of personal hell it was.
So no, I am not personally attacking any one person. And I am not depressed by a long shot. But I am dissatisfied. Convention just does not seem to be a thing I enjoy particularly. Since turning 29 however, I have seen one answer to solve my issues with buying land at a hugely inflated price that will stay the same after I die (I might get buried in it!)babies and marriage. And my one answer is this: She will have to be a hell of a woman. I guess I don't understand why people marry people they complain about all the time. I couldn't marry someone who annoyed me. I give particular shout outs to particular people at this time: Aydo and Maria McGuirk and Stuart and Christina Smith. You guys show it is possible to have relationships that work. Kudos.
(I told a friend earlier that I never name-drop, but I feel it's time to do so to exempt you from being rant targets!)
One thing I do have issues with is religion though. But only organised religion and it's tight grip over the human psyche. Any philosopher can quote you the great phrase "there is nothing to fear but fear itself". I just can't stand people who make you live in fear of your death before you've had a chance to live your life.
Last, but not least I guess I should say that if any of my long standing friends (or indeed new friends) have taken personal insult from any of my musings lately, I must sincerely apologise. The funny thing is, without my friends and family, I am just a bag of skin or a brain on stilts. I wrote "Guilt has the loudest voice" because I wanted to point out that an insult is not an insult without a recipient and that is usually how we place ourselves when something points to a discrepancy in our daily lives. I am that something. I only wrote it because that's how I feel when I think some writing or some observation attacks me. And I'm led to believe I'm somewhat normal. Some day I might understand people's motivations to do stuff and achieve things from the very small, to the very large but until then, "Matt's Daily Rant" is now "Matt's Daily Musings" so as not to start upon a bad foot. An insult is not an insult without the eyes to see it nor the ears to hear it" - That was written by a silly man.
Thanks for taking a minute to read this.