I got up this morning. It was 6.00am and I cursed the clock for waking me up even though I had set it myself. I cursed my job. Those bastards should never have hired me to do a job that was so easy I had time to think of other things to do with my time. If I were able to stay at home, I'd whine about the government not giving me a job. I'd eat my cornflakes then watch TV all day and hate everything that was on. I'd curse Dr. Phil and Judge Judy too. Damn. I have to get ready. I'm going to start up my car and start driving to work. I'm going to curse every damn person I see on that road. It's their fault that I feel this way. I will pick up my colleagues on the corner and then I will smoke in my car. It's my fucking car and it's my fucking road. Remember that. I'm going to get into work ad talk about everyone else and how shit they are all day.
Martin came into the office today. What a prick. He owns an Audi TT and he gets paid 10 grand more than me. He also spent 1 more year in college than me. Fucking arsehole. His wife is a bitch. She slept with Gerry and David in college before she met him. Whorebag. Still, I grin and chat to him like he's my best friend. That's what I do. I treat everyone like they are my best friend even though I have an opinion on all of them. Even my best friend is a prick. He gets everything he wants because he says he hates sitting around and waiting. That's how I got my girlfriend. We hung out in the same group for 6 years and then we kissed and had sex one night. I hate her but I try to do everything for her because I love her. We sat and waited and now we're happy. That's how winners get things, they wait for it to happen. I am the happiest person I know because I sleep around a lot too. I'm also a prick who lies to women to get sex. I wear a lovely shirt when I go out to the pub. I also have a moustache.I give out about everyone because I hate my life and have no incentive to change it.
I give out passionately about sport even though I don't play it. I use the term "we" or "our" when talking about the football team I support. But this is not what makes me a wanker. I start trouble over it and start divisions among other people that don't play it by saying that "we" are better at it than them even though I don't play it and they don't either. I never took part in sport and I probably never will.
I love a certain type of music. This music is the best music there is and all who don't like it aren't simply losers, they are complete scumbags who haven't a clue how to live life. Music is about how you look and how you act, not about what the lyrics mean or what the music sounds like at all. When I perform in my band, all attention should be on me, not the music. I don't write any of it but it's my band because I talk about it the most. Music is exclusive and only the people who look and act like me can listen to my favourite music. I go around using catchphrases from my favourite band and genre. That's how normal people like me behave.
I suddenly became right about everything since I studied some subject in college. It doesn't matter what the subject we're discussing is, because now that I have a PHD it makes me right about everything. Even if I feel threatened by your information, I will correct your pronunciation or spelling because that's how right I am. People generally seem underwhelmed by my bouts of knowledgeable speech but I think secretly they are impressed.
I am unbelievably good at sex. When I have sex it is always missionary style and I usually come in about 5 minutes. That's how rad I am. Sex is for men only. When I break up with my fiancée I will not tell her about it. I will just seem awkward for weeks then cheat on her. Great people never tell others what's really wrong with them. Great people know that you're only supposed to say, years later, when begging for your ex back, what was really wrong. I will pathologically carry my problems from one woman to the other without admitting to myself that maybe I just don't love her.
I am a wanker and I am superior to everyone
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