Another day another question: Why do I write at all? Well the answer is simple... I write to please myself first and foremost. I write to have in front of me all of my developing thoughts. Just to see a physical train of thought. I like that idea. My thoughts come from past experiences and are relative now only because they made me who I am. So I write in order to clarify things to myself further. They shall be relative in future at some distant point, but I will have no regrets if it helps out in the present. Gotta help yourself before you can help anyone else I say.
Secondly I write so as to clarify myself as a person, to those who wish to know more. I feel like I have nothing to hide and everything to share. Sometimes I get the feeling that some people aren't being as honest as they could be, or maybe not as expressive as they'd like to be. Perhaps some just need motivation and clarification that they are not the only ones thinking about certain things. I have spoken to many people over the years that have had thoughts maybe as "bizarre" as my own (for want of a better word). I remember when I got a little older I was contemplating things that were "crazy" at first only in that they were unconventional at the time. But I believe these unconventional things are in fact more common in society than we like to let on and we are somehow coaxed not to talk about them. It's a funny old thing, society.
I guess I think it is funny to lay bare what is on my mind. I know life can anchor you down when you feel upset and every one around seems like they are happy. It must just be that people I associate with are generally unhappy, but I really don't think so. I mean, I'm not gonna start name-dropping at any point, but I am sure that most people have problems in some way shape or form. Sometimes I speak as if I have many problems, when in fact I don't have problems at all, certainly none worth talking about at any great length. I just feel that at least in my scope of socialising, we all have problems to some degree and I am led also to believe that there is no point holding onto anything because you think people will perceive you as being less than perfect.
In my experience, I have not met a single person I could say is perfect.
OK, it's fair to say that there are some I fall under the impression of, some whose ideas I take more seriously than others. We all have comrades and family and shit. But they are no more perfect than you are. They wouldn't be good at dishing out advice if there were no one to listen. That is why one must be confident and have courage in your convictions. There will be people who will take you seriously. That is why I have friends and that is why you have friends. You are secure in each other's knowledge and watchful eye. A Doctor is not a doctor without patients. A government is not a government without a country. If you feel like you do nothing for your friends and they do everything for you you are wrong. they need you as much as you need them.
But there is an important aspect to be remembered: No one person is perfect. No one race is perfect. No one sex is perfect. No one family is perfect. It takes a lot of mixing to find the "perfect" balance. I'm starting to think that "perfect" was a bad choice of word.
It has been a massive shock over the years, seeing that all the things, all the people I thought were were perfect, were in fact, not. Each and every person I held in massively high esteem have proved that they are just as fallible as I am. I used to be really troubled by this but nowadays this is in fact more of a help in life than a hindrance. I love how everyone is so.. i dunno. HUMAN? Hahaha, yeah I guess that's the one. We would like to believe that we don't make mistakes or that we are more respectable because we are afraid to take chances. Maybe we are more "perfect" or more valuable to society than the next because of what we own, but in the end of the day, we need each other to feel this way. It takes another person to be around in order for you to look good wearing that nice dress or suit, just as it takes less wealthy people to stand on the street for you to feel admired by driving around in you years salary on 4 wheels. It's all relative.
And that is why I like to write. Just to bring everything back to reality. You can claw and strive for perfection, individuality and importance. You can stand in groups and identify with this and that. You can be a high flying legal-executive or a footballer's wife but in the end of the day you are only human and you need everyone else to affirm your difference and identity. You need attention as much as I do. You and I need society. We need difference and diversity just to help us realise who we are.
Last week I got negative feedback on my writing... well so I thought anyway. This wasn't negative feedback at all. It was positive. It helped me find a few more answers. It even answered some questions that I hadn't asked in public. It taught me a little about balance, about freedom and impression but most importantly, about expression. It removed the dichotomy from was Matt's Daily rant and Daily Musings. It has to have both whether you like it or not. Sorry!
Fuck it, why divide the person anyway? If I write honestly I might piss off a few I might make a few happy. What the hell. Ey?
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