Theory of Love Part 1

This isn't a request, more so an inspiration.

I want to write about love. maybe I'll write about how it's commonly regarded too, but I've long wanted to write about how I perceive love to work out, for better or worse. No pun intended. A shit song that was over-played in the 90's said that love was all around. Though I personally wanted to kick Marty Pellow in the balls numerous times after I'd heard the song for the 100th time, I'm inclined to believe the statement. But I'm not sure the whole world understands the concept or meaning of it, as maybe I don't either. However, there are enough inconsistencies between what I see and how I feel about it to make me want to write an article about it. Love is a delicate subject and it changes from person to person. It is rationed by everyone to suit their acquired sense of love, but it definitely has a set of minimum and maximum parameters to where it can be pushed, relied on and dragged between. I'm going to attempt to have a poke at the ones that I see as most significant. So, folks and folkettes, here's Matt's first draft on the Theory of Love.

You Cannot Love Those Who Do Not Love Themselves:

I have heard these immortal words uttered by the strong at heart and the weak. I have heard it uttered by the old and young and even the strong and weak willed. But it is definitely a true statement. It may seem harsh to say that the love-lorn out there who lack a sense of themselves cannot find a true lasting love, but the evidence is stacked this high. Many times I have seen couples pull and drag from each other, battered sentiments. Many times have I seen the guys who absolutely cannot stand the idea of spending time with their girlfriends. Many times have I seen the shy speak of love but never reach out for it. Many times have I seen the confident walk away from it. But everyone has their measure for how much they need love in their lives. If you have no sense of love about yourself, there is no person alive who can give that lacking sense back to you... they can only top up on the love that you feel. Men that fear going home to their missus are only so because they know how much effort it is to keep them happy. The shy feel that the huge love they can show to a potential suitor cannot be demonstrated confidently, for they lack the experience to do so. I have seen the confident person walk away from love because they require so little, their sense of themselves escalated by either the indulgence of themselves in their self image on one hand, or their indulgence on the other things that make them happy: their passions, on the other. A person who does not love themselves will either over-indulge in passions or else not have any at all. One person cannot be the passion of the other fully, but the piece they are missing to feel like a "whole person". The person who loves themselves will never run out of interests outside of their loved one.

*Passions in this expression is intended to mean "hobby" or "interest"

Guys And False Love:

There is true love. Truth+Love=True Love. It's easy. There is also false love and this is demonstrable in both the sexes. As an equation it's a lot more difficult though. Love+Contrivance+Fear of Loneliness-Tolerance+Jealousy-Being Up-Front= False Love. There are a million other things I could add to this really. One major thing I could add that sums it up is lies, but for this part I will talk about guys and false love, seeing as I am one. It's easy to lie while looking into the face of a girl you really like. So easy you may never know you're doing it. You promise that you'll play games less. You promise that you'll stay in together this weekend because you want to. You promise to compromise your interests. You promise that you'll change. You promise that you are happy. You promise that you do not look at other women despite the fact that you own a penis. You are so sure you're in love that you ignore all the things you are irritated with. Arguing over a slip up on any promise seems to be easier than telling the truth to begin with, that maybe you just don't see eye to eye on things and that maybe there is someone else out there who would see it your way. But no. Honesty was never your intention. You started by wanting in her pants. Then you wanted to again and again. The you struck up similar interests and abandoned your own. The very things that carried you through life until now you threw away because you were lonely and don't want to be again. You make her miserable by taking away those similar interests in pursuit of them again and you fight. That is not love buddy. That is lies. Admit it to yourself then tell her. Then continue on your quest. Remember those ancient times when they slew any man who would threaten their romances? Remember when cities fell and kingdoms crumbled? That was the passion of true love. Nothing would stand in the way. Not even a weekend in the pub with your mates.

True love is that. It's real love backed up by the truth. You cannot have true love without the truth. Plato had an alternative which was "Platonic Love". Love you can share without romance. It's just as important. we don't tell "noble lies" to those that rely on the truth we tell them. How many noble lies can you follow up on just because you don't want to be alone? Is that fair? How many arguments will you endure over changing you schedule, cancelling weekends, wanting to play games or read or anything else because you once told the noble lie that it was OK and you didn't really want to? A true love wouldn't mind all of these anyway. That's not True love, it's probably not even Platonic love, it's just deceit. To you and her.

Platonic Love

Plato developed the concept of Platonic love obviously, cuz his feckin' name is in it. But instead of giving you the literary inspiration for where and whence it came, I'll just give you the jist. If you fall in the catagory of the guys I've described above, or are the reciepient of half-arsed sentiment, then It's likely you are in a Platonic relationship. That is to say, your fella likes you, but is not that into you. He likes your company, digs your attitude, is attracted to you, but not head over heels for you. You do not complete him at all. This is nobody's fault as a real loving relationship is built around truth. truth before trust. They say relationships are built around trust, but it is possible to trust a liar too, remember.
A Platonic relationship can still be a loving relationship. You can see things in shops that you want to buy for your friends. You can hear a song or see something on TV that makes you want to text them and tell them. You can still have sex with your Platonic friends. But once you have a true love, you will not want sex from Platonic friends because you won't need it, or dare risk your perfect relationship. You will still do for your Platonic friends all the things you did, but there will be no point in ruining a great relationship to get physically involved with others.

70% of people I know in relationships have only Platonic relationships. I dig Platonic relationships a lot though, so I find no fault as long as they are understood as such from the offset.


Contrived Love

Similar to False Love and also unidentifiable. Contrived love is the pursuit of love by means that you don't naturally acquire. I am going to talk this one in the sense that it is drawn from people as opposed to given freely. That routine phone call at 7.01pm to say "I love you" so she doesn't flip out - Contrived. That overabundance of affection when she walks in the door so that you can bury yourself in whatever you do for a bit of quiet - Contrived. That girl you met who is also a solicitor and you are wooing, instead of the cleaner you are actually attracted to - Contrived. That girl who you wear Armani shirts to impress whereas you usually wear Dunlop - Contrived. Why don't you just give it up already and stop compressing your true feelings and thoughts into a sardine can? That guy you have to force into saying "I love you, and sound like you mean it" - Contrived. That guy who you have to ask for compliments - Contrived. That guy who only wants to see you once a week but "loves you anyway" - Contrived.

Pretty much anything you have to force or alter with permission is generally not right for anyone, both male and female. Stay away. Keep searching... there are several billion of each of our sex in the world!

Ok, that concludes Theory of Love Part 1. There may be a second one tomorrow, if I'm feeling like it.

But does that change the condition of how much you love me?