S/he Doesn't Know

She doesn't know.

He doesn't either.

They both have no idea. I mean, they tell each other nice things all the time. They talk and cuddle always. They hang out a lot. They live in the same house too. When each comes home from work, they exchange pleasantries and then they talk about their day. They have a nice life. They live in tandem and it's all good. Somewhat on the surface that is.

Ok, so what is wrong exactly? Well nothing much. Anybody who looks at them thinks they are the perfect couple. They hang out a lot. They smile in front of their friends. They have the same taste in music. She dresses him and he tells her that she looks nice. They have agreed even that one day they just might get married. She is the envy of her friends and she wants to be too. He is pretty much all right too. He hasn't got many friends but has one or two he sees every couple of weeks.

Neither of them know that they are sick of each other. All she wants is the assurance that he loves her unconditionally. He is happy that he managed to get with a girl who puts up with his bullshit and is good looking. Way out of his league. But they fight. They fight often about little things. They even fight about big things too. There are problems like staying in together... something he doesn't always want to do and her possessiveness and the fact that she wants to go everywhere with him. She wants to take his attention away from the game in order to get some nice answers. She smothers him with gifts to get some nice compliments and perhaps some genuine affection. She wants holidays together and to hang out at home, but to go out occasionally together or together with friends. All he wants is time to do his own thing and not to be smothered or have demands made of him. They both dream that each other will become the perfect partner.

But neither of them know it. They could see it very simply. They could see by not looking too far. I mean, you don't have to hope that you might accidentally meet someone nice - the ideal partner perhaps, by promising the earth moon and stars to your loved one. You don't have to continue a charade or even compromise your own enjoyment. You don't have to beg to be loved. You don't have to beg for attention or barter time out to look after the kids. Actually, the great thing is you don't have to try at all. It's easy to be virtuous and honest. It's difficult to try adjust yourself to the ideals of another or to lie to yourself constantly and settle for second best.

The point I'm trying to make here is that no person is a mind reader. There are no people who can tell you what you want. There is not a soul on Earth who can prejudge exactly what you want from them. But there are those who make up for the missing things... those who want to try to GUESS what those things are that make you happy. Hell, it might be fair to say that the second best choices we make and the standards we sell out for them can be worth it. Second best may know what you want, but may have no intention nor inclination to ever complete it for you. They may find it difficult to appease you and please you. If you have to fight for it on a daily basis, it is intuitive guess that they just don't want to do it for you. Life is not that. Life is not about trying too hard like this despite the shit we're fed that it's otherwise. Yes the majority try hard and do this. But it's always the minority that are happier.

Now that is not to say that all is lost. Actually, I think you might be on the losing streak when you settle for anything that's less than perfect. OK, I realise that I said the use of perfect before was impractical, but there is such a thing as having decent standards.

Do you respect yourself? Do you think you deserve happiness and satisfaction? Do you think you hit the low mark because you always aim... to high? Do you get treated like shit because you just settle for the next best thing out of fear of loneliness? If everyone had the mentality that they might one day get what they want by trying with who they want, if they stopped mistreating the words "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" and just simply had the guts to try to make themselves happy instead of falling into habit, we wouldn't have a perfect world, but we'd have one with suitable standards and perhaps the general population might be a tad happier. We could free ourselves from the majority of hardship and from a little devil called expectation.

I genuinely believe that it's not a huge effort to want to hang out with someone you want to be around. It's not hard work to want to go out with them and make them happy and just genuinely enjoy their company. I'm sure that it's a concentrated effort to want to book time off for yourself, ask for space and time to enjoy a pint with your mates than it is just to understand someone well enough to know they are separate human being who has their own life... but likes to share it with you too. Real loved ones are not baggage you carry outside but you carry them inside always without provocation or expectation. The harder you "try" to make someone happy, the more you'll resent them... and the person you become for doing it.

This is just a hunch folks... just a hunch.