Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Nothing Pleases Everyone

I've decided not to write anything profound today. It's not like it's anything of a great effort to write profound things and it's not like I don't want to, I just feel that sometimes it all relates back to the same basic things. So I am not going to write anything interesting at all. In fact I am just going to tell a story instead because I have noting better to do if I am not to write what i feel like I should write. I am going to write something that is for you instead of myself. I am going to appeal to your own personal tastes instead.

There once was a racist, prejudiced bigot who was filthy rich, but he didn't dislike anyone and shared all of his money but kept it to himself all at the same time. He believed in love at first sight but that all women were impossible, yet he knew in his heart he would meet the right one but actually felt like he didn't have to try to look for it while trying to look for it. He didn't want to be with a woman of any other race but Caucasian, but he wanted a girl who was Asian and submissive while actually being a man in disguise or "trap" for want of a better word. This transsexual had to be completely intolerant and also completely open minded at the same time, because our lead protagonist was both totally tolerant and liberal while being a conservative whacko at the same time.

They lived together, along with his 7 wives in a huge palace in the slums. Their government was right wing and racist while at the same time gave everyone what they deserved. Everyone had to pay their medical bills and the government did too, ultimately giving themselves back some money in the process. They practiced every religion you can think of (and some that you can't) while believing in none. The man was into voodoo too, so it didn't matter that he killed people because he brought them back to life anyway.

Their life was so perfectly boring and mundane that it was exciting. They made huge problems out of small things like dropping the remote on the ground and having to go through the massive hassle of having to pick it up, while making small problems out of big ones, like world starvation and poverty. Their government gave money to other countries and built hospitals, but kept them in debt for no reason and made their doctors work for free out of the goodness of their hearts, which they didn't do... they did it from guilt only but told everyone it was what they wanted and because it was the "cool student thing to do".

The guy thought it was great to be racist in secret while working with Africans, Polish people and other nationalities in his day job There was no way that he would ever admit it! And his wife looked like a girl but really had a penis. This excited him so much that he had to keep it secret because it was unnatural and wrong. Besides, because he read every religion book there was, he didn't have to justify the fact that he was into men or women, he was just right always. He didn't know that in his ideology it was possible to just like someone because he liked them and for no reason that needed any justification. Besides all this, he was in a perfect utopia, because he was neither racist nor homophobic either and he was rich and poor as well. It might also be fair to mention that he was hermaphrodite and asexual as well too, just for good measure.

He had a great sense of humour about all the wrong things too. It was OK to laugh at things because they made no sense but it was also important to laugh and gloat over people who clearly had less than him. He would sit around with all his shit friends and talk about things unimportant for days and days in his job that he hated. He worked testing beds and had to spend 8 hours per day sleeping. He also burned people alive too, but that was a nixer.

Anyway, to cut a long story short he died. And his world was sucked into a massive black hole.

The End.

Jayzus, it's so hard to write stories to appeal to everyone. It's just not possible I think.

No comments:

Post a Comment