I can't wait until my savings run out. I have a couple of quid put away until a rainy day, or until something comes up that I really need. (A new bass cab and Cort GB74 come to mind right now actually) and the idea of it dissipating slowly is so damn stressful I can't bear it. Every time I think of the money disappearing I think of some way of making it back up. It's a nightmare. When I first got my pay off when leaving my old job, I promised myself that the money would be put to good use while I was here in Ireland. I certainly was in no frame of mind for travelling with it. I figure, if you plan to travel in order to escape problems you are left with one of two things: bringing the same conscience with you, or delaying the inevitable reality check when your money is gone and you eventually return. Anyway, without digressing too far, I didn't want to spend all my money on seeing places for the sake of it. I thought that would be time better spent when I actually wanted to or when the need actually genuinely arose.
So anyway, the thought of money disappearing is stressful and it makes me want to go out and just get all that shit I intended to from the off. In the beginning, when I got the cash, I wanted to get a tattoo, a new bass and cab, a Nintendo DS and a new laptop. Presently I only have the DS and the laptop and both get used quite frequently indeed. Why I delay on getting the bass and cab is anyone's guess. But to be honest, while that money is just lying there it's getting chiselled away at and serving no real purpose at all. It's just a waste of thought and energy. And the last thing I am is money minded. I don't care about hoarding cash more so putting it to good, practical use. A bass and cab would be suitable to my requirements. I just thought I'd share that with you today.
So there's something else that has fascinated me over the last while. I see it everyday and I read it everyday on Facebook. I know I've said it too on numerous occasions but let's be honest: If people understood stuff properly, there would be no need for sermons, lessons and the repetition of any of life's lessons in general. That's how newspapers make their money by repeating the same old song and dance day-in and day-out. And every religion does it too, though I do understand their basic meanings, even if I don't agree with heaven/hell, child abuse, hoarding gold under the Vatican and the condemnation of people who are different to me for salvation. There was an underlying principle to begin with, originally.
So this thing that I am fascinated by is free time and the wishing away of the time in between. People are in work, wishing they were at home and when they're at home it's "Roll on this, roll on that" and then the are 30, rushing all over the place trying to regain lost time and giving out about not having done anything when they were young. You get people, furiously navigating traffic to go to a job they hate and home again to a wife they never really wanted that much but did anyway for complacency and it all seems to me like they are running about just to stop doing stuff. They are stressing, speeding, profaning, cursing people and wishing their lives away just to rest and do nothing. Effectively, running to stand still. No one, it seems, can enjoy the moment any more. They are projecting themselves from one place to another, from past to future and from imaginary relationship to imaginary relationship and the only one that makes them commit to these horrible conditions that make them so unhappy to begin with are themselves. You hear people giving out about this job and that job, this person and that person, how busy they are how much shit they go through, yet they are the willing participant in it all and can remove themselves with only the will to do so.
As usual I will get the "ooh, Matt it's easy for you to say, you are not in this country/job/relationship/situation so you just sit there lecturing people and scabbing off the government, blah blah blah blah"
It's true, Yes, I choose not to get involved in situations that might compromise my happiness or the happiness of another who is dependent on my honesty. You could too if you realised you actually had a choice or were brave enough to make it. If you have a family you didn't really want, you could have chosen birth control.
No, I will not travel to another country just because I feel under pressure to do so. I will do it of my own free will when the interest arises. The interest is there, somewhat.
I am interested in work always. I am interested in doing things that inspire me with genuine interest. When that position arises, I apply for it, just like everyone else. Believe it or not, I am actively seeking a job. But only ones I actually like. I am done working for ungrateful people.
Wow, it's been a while since I had a "rant". I'll be honest though, it's not really a rant as such. I understand the needs that back up everything I have mentioned. I am not a heartless, close-minded villain, despite what I write, but I do have a strong sense of awareness about such things. I can appreciate the principles behind making a home for a family, working in a dead-end job for the need of money and having realistic goals to look forward to.
I just do not see what all the rush is about really. It baffles me.